Richonne Collection
by twriter12
Summary: This is a collection of Richonne-centered scenes (one-shots). They are not in any type of order and, though they could be read as such, were not written as connected scenes. Each Sunday I'll add another until I have no more as we wait for Season 7. I'm open to accepting requests and prompts.
1. Respite

**Respite**

Michonne stood in the doorway of the bathroom and watched Rick. Her lips parted as she took shallow breaths taking in the moment. Actually, it wasn't the moment she was taking in, it was him. Every inch of him. He was barefoot and shirtless in faded black jeans that were so worn-out they were gray in some places. His body was battle-worn but still strong with knife and gun wounds and bruises visible over his torso. It was an endless story underneath his clothes of what he had been through. Each scar was a badge of honor he proudly wore as the cost for protecting those he loved.

Her right hand slid around his body and rested against his lithe waist as she gripped his left bicep and placed three languid kisses on his shoulder. It felt so good being against his bare skin.

"Sasha asked me if I could have seen us together before the world changed; if we would have been compatible in the old world." She held her breath but when she didn't hear a response she looked into the mirror to see him watching her. His look was a mixture of amusement and something else, something she couldn't read. Was it curiosity? Apprehension?

"What did you say?"

Instead of an answer she gave him a slight shrug with one shoulder. She didn't want to admit she thought about this numerous times and her answer was always a definitive no to them falling in love in their former life. "Other than being, in her words, stone cold killers, we have nothing in common in her opinion."

"Well, let's see," he said as a playful smile tugged on his lips. "Music. I like Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Marshall Tucker Band, and The Allman Brothers. You?"

"Nina Simone, Bonnie Raitt, The Kinks, and of course, Prince."

"Beer."

She made a face and shook her head. "Wine. Pinot noir."

"Steak."

"Sushi."

"Disgusting."

She smiled at the face he made. The same one Carl made about soy milk. "Have you ever tried it?"

"No."

She laughed and ran her hand over his stomach, smiling as she watched his eyes close at the feel of her touch on his body. After a final peck on the shoulder, she walked out of the bathroom and into the adjoining master bedroom.

"Football," Rick yelled out at her.

"Tennis," she said as she removed all her clothes except for her underwear and folded them neatly in a chair before climbing into bed and sliding underneath the cool white sheets. She inhaled the scent of the lavender spray she adorned their sheets and pillowcases with each week.

She found it when they cleared a house on an isolated dirt road, actually it was more like a path than a road. It was hidden from the main street and overgrown vegetation. It was a gold mine and it obviously belonged to an extreme couponer. The garage was full of toilet paper, laundry and dish detergent, scented candles, deodorant, disposable razors, canned goods, drinks, and more. They had to use the RV to haul everything back to Alexandria.

Rick exited the bathroom and tossed his jeans in the same chair against the wall where she carefully placed her clothes. Pre-end of the world that would have annoyed her. Mike constantly told her to not sweat the small stuff but she didn't think that was possible. Little did she know it was possible, she just needed the world to end before it could happen.

She admired Rick's lean frame as he walked across the room in his boxers. Though they lived together for months, they never saw each other less than fully clothed. He never walked around shirtless and she never walked around showing her legs. The first time she saw his bare chest was the first night they made love and now she couldn't get enough of seeing him this way. She even found the way his silver watch contrasted against his tanned skin sexy. She was in love with this man for so long and she didn't even realize it. She had to be to swoon over the tiny things she noticed about him. She shook her head with a smile, something she had done often as of late.

The heavy blue curtains were almost always open so when he opened the window the autumn breeze blew the second set of window dressing, sheer white curtains. It was so quiet they could hear the sound of the sporadic raindrops on the windowpane.

"Maybe I should keep the window closed," he said.

"No, leave it open. I love the rain and it's just a drizzle."

Just as she turned her back to him he joined her in bed and wrapped his arms around her. "This is nice," he whispered in her ear.

Her response was a slight moan as she pushed her body back against his. At times, it didn't feel as if they could ever be close enough when they hugged or even made love.

This was their thing, under the sheets in the middle of the day, embracing each other, taking each other in. They tried to sneak away whenever the day allowed which was typically three days a week, four if they were lucky. The thirty minutes were long enough to quell their new love need to be together and short enough that no one missed them too much.

Their midday respite was possible because the days behind the walls of Alexandria were becoming mundane. It was almost like Bill Murray in _Groundhog_ _Day_. She could set a watch by Olivia opening the pantry or the change of shift for the watch tower. Even Judith settled into a schedule. Unfortunately, it meant waking up before the sun came up but she was consistent.

She sighed at the feel of his warm chest against her back and his hand on her hip. It sent a shiver down her spine. No matter how many times he touched her, that initial touch was always like the first time. And she felt at ease. Amazing how quickly she went from lonesome warrior to feeling her safest when he was near. No one in this new world could make her feel more content. There was no one place in the world she'd rather be than right here, right now.

"My favorite movie is Shane. How about yours?" He asked as he traced a circle with his finger on the flesh of her hip.

She could feel his breath on the back of her neck and it took a moment for her to compose herself. " _Shawshank Redemption_ , _Alien_ , _L.A. Confidential_ , but I'm really a theater lover. _My Fair Lady_ and _Fences_ are my favorites. Wow, we really have nothing in common."

"It just proves that the only things that matter are the things that matter."

Profound. He was a man of few words, but those few words were just as impactive as his actions. He was right. They were together because only the important things were worthy of their focus. Who a person was at their core. They were stripped off pretenses, societal boxes, and standards. Her urban upbringing and his country roots didn't matter. The world showed them tax brackets, zip codes, and college rankings were irrelevant. What mattered in this new world was loyalty, trust, and determination.

"If I asked you out before, would you have said yes?"

She didn't know how to answer so she put the spotlight back on him. "Would you have asked?"

"Probably not."

"Why?"

"Well, I was married." He chuckled.

"Uh uh. That's too easy. If you weren't married." She pulled his arm around her waist .

"No."

That was disappointing even though it shouldn't be. She was more than happy in her previous life with Mike in the role of her partner. She still couldn't help but make assumptions about Rick. Unfair assumptions because, despite her initial behavior when she showed up at the prison, he had been nothing short of accepting. Well, once he got past trying to kick her out.

She briefly saw that picture of his wife when she was in that diner in King County with Carl. And Jessie, even though they never spoke of her, somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew about his attraction to her. It was why she didn't act sooner that night they were walking through that herd. Had that been anyone but Jesse that had a hold of Carl and threatened his life, she would have chopped off their arm and not given it another thought. That's how much she loved Carl and that's what needed to be done. But deep down she knew, for Rick, there was something about Jessie. Whether it was in Rick's mind or even in his heart, Michonne didn't know, but something told her he didn't need to see her chopping off Jessie's arm. So no, she didn't know his full dating history but from what she knew, she felt like she would stand out in the crowd.

"Why not?" She held her breath as she counted the number of breaths he took before answering. It was three. Three long breaths that felt like forever.

"I have a feeling I'd be way too intimidated. I have a feeling you could hand someone their ass long before you learned how to use that sword."

Fair enough. Since high school, she heard how intimidating she was to the opposite sex. That's why she didn't have her first date or boyfriend until college.

"If I asked, would you have said yes?"

"Probably not." Which made her a hypocrite for being upset that he wouldn't have asked her out.

"Why not?"

"I would have been focused on the rat race."

"Rat race?"

"Yes, the corner office and my stock portfolio."

"See? Way out of my league. Back then you could have had anyone you wanted."

"I still can." She smiled.

He held her tighter. "True, so I have to know. Why me?"

His question made her frown. "What kind of question is that? There is no one else in this world for me. You're it. If it couldn't be you then I'd want no one else."

"Turn around."

She turned around so she was facing him. She placed her hand on his cheek then smiled as he moved against her touch tickling her palm with his stubble. His weightless gaze transfixed her. Had he always looked at her that way and she missed it? No, during her old life she could always tell when a man was interested by the way he took her in, be it a pregnant stare or a quick glance. She had been on the receiving end of Rick's intense, almost stifling, stares numerous times but never one that told so much, that made him so vulnerable like this one. This one said love. This one said she had his heart as he seemed to search for some answer in her eyes.

"I'm a simple man with simple tastes, that is, until I met you. There's nothing simple about you."

She was always unconventional in almost everything she did which was why her time spent being a corporate gunner started to get to her. Before the world ended she felt like she was having some crisis. She was suffocating and restless and ready to walk away from it all. But when those feelings surfaced she always pushed them away. Her life was what she was supposed to do, it was the responsible thing, especially since she had a son. But all she wanted was to travel and eat exotic foods while showing Andre the world and all it's beautifully different people. She wanted anything but that tired, stuffy so-called American dream. Meanwhile, Rick probably had family road trips and 4th of July BBQs, and dreamed of home ownership and two point five kids and a dog with his wife. She could see him coaching Carl's baseball team or leading is Boy Scout troop.

"Say something," he said.

"Say what?"

"Anything. I don't care what it is."

She laughed because she knew what he wanted to hear. He demanded it often since the first time she slipped into her second tongue during a particularly pleasurable lovemaking session. "Vous avez de beaux yeux tu sais. J'ai envie de t'embrasser."

"That was beautiful."

She brushed back an errant curl that fell across his forehead. "You don't even know what I said."

"It was in French and came out of this mouth." He ran his thumb over her bottom lip causing a shiver down her spine and a tingle on her lip. "It was perfect. But for the record, what did you say?"

"I said your eyes are beautiful. I want to kiss you."

"See? Beautiful."

As if she would say anything less than that in this moment. Their moment. He leaned in the two feet that separated their faces. It was so close but too far when all she wanted was his mouth on hers. Never could she have imagined two feet would feel like the distance around the world.

"I can't wait to hear more of that tonight." He laughed at her as she gawked at his randy comment.

She never envisioned he would be the guy he was in bed. Not that the thought entered her mind before that evening on the couch, but she would have pegged him as a timid guy, maybe even sweet to a fault when it came to all activities sexual. Never did she think he would be the guy commanding her to say and do things and boldly staring into her eyes as he did. But it made sense. He was bossy as hell and loved to be in charge.

Before their first night together she noticed things about him, both physical and personality-wise that she found to be attractive qualities. But those things never meant being in love with him in her mind. When he saved her that day at the prison and was imploring her to tell him her name, she noticed the intensity of those beautiful blue eyes. She noticed his fierce loyalty to his friends. His animalistic protective nature of his children. Even his voice. It was like a chameleon changing with his mood. There was the gruff one that signified his fearless leader mode. There was the soft and melodic one, reserved mostly for Judith, but there when they needed to hear that everything would be okay. There was the present one, the sexy one, that she never heard before they became one. That was her favorite.

"You should do this more often," she whispered as she gently ran her finger over his bottom lip.

"Do what?"

"Smile. A genuine smile. Not the ones you give when you're placating someone or because you don't know what to say. The one that makes those crinkles next to your eyes.

"Amazing. From the moment I met you you blew my mind. And you still do."

Months ago she couldn't imagine having a moment like this where the world slowed down and there was peace. For so long, while out on the road, they struggled so hard to survive that they started to believe they would never be able to live again. But the last few months in Alexandria taught them that if they couldn't enjoy these moments of laughter, happiness, and love, then what was the point? Why fight so hard? They couldn't put life on hold waiting for real life because this wasn't a nightmare. No one pressed a pause button on life; this _was_ life.

From the moment she stopped distrusting him she admired him, was loyal to him. He made her change for the better and that created a fierce loyalty she couldn't explain with mere words. These feelings came out of nowhere because she was convinced she'd never find this again. Sure, she could have friends, love Carl, and even love Rick. But this kind of relationship and intimacy she never thought was possible. She didn't think she could find someone she could trust. After Mike's failure, The Governor, and Merle, she convinced herself this world was full of men who would disappoint, hurt, and destroy. For so long her heart was encased in an impermeable box where these feelings couldn't exist.

The quiet was interrupted with the sound of Carl screaming for his father. "Dad." Then there was the plodding of his footsteps coming up the stairs getting closer to their room. "Dad."

"Carl, in here."

Neither had to worry about Carl opening the door. He learned his lesson about opening their closed bedroom door unannounced a few weeks back. Nothing like looking into the eyes of your best friend as your father takes her from behind to scar a kid.

"Abraham and Eugene need to talk to you. They say it's important. Something about a game changer."

"Alright. On my way." He sighed and looked her with an apologetic roll of his eyes. "Sorry."

They watched each other as he got dressed and she remained in bed.

Before he opened the door he turned and looked at her. "Meet you back here tonight?"

"It's a date." She smiled.


	2. Certainty

_**A/N: I wanted to thank you all for reading, liking, following, and commenting on the first chapter.**_

 **Certainty**

Rick walked out the door and leaned over the railing of their porch taking in the scene before him. It was early. The sky was a mixture of gold, blue, orange, and gray as the sun was just beginning to show itself. The community was still asleep. The air had a slight chill and it was full of possibilities. It evoked memories of sitting in his squad car with Shane waiting for their graveyard shift to end. That squad car was the scene of many conversations, some deep but most funny. That squad car is where Shane detailed his many sexual dalliances and Rick opened up about his marital problems. Maybe he shared too much with his partner. But at the time, it didn't seem possible to share too much with the person he trusted to save his life. He still carried Shane with him. His friend was never far from his thoughts and always in his heart. He thought about the mistakes he made with his friend and wondered if he could have done things differently.

Shane did have an understanding of how things worked now. That was clear to Rick each time they faced a new threat and suffered a painful loss. Rick made just as many bad decisions as Shane because of his need to hold on to his humanity and his refusal to embrace it. This world was hard. From moment to moment he was unsure of him choices. The right decision one minute was wrong the next.

There was no give and take with Shane. For a while after Terminus Rick had the same brutal mentality. He understood the mindset but he refused to fault himself for not aligning with his friend back on the farm. He had a feeling if he went along with every move Shane wanted to make the end results would have been the same. One of them would have been dead because at the bottom of it all it wasn't about protecting the group; Shane's motives weren't altruistic. It was about what Rick had and Shane wanted — Lori and Carl.

He remembered getting home from those overnight shifts on mornings like this. Carl would be at school and Lori would drink her coffee and keep him company as he readied for bed but not before they spent a little time together. That was when things were good between them. The last year leading up to him getting shot and in that coma was misery.

The wind blew a bunch of leaves down the sidewalk; it was like a tumbleweed of autumn colors. This place, he admired as he looked around, was something out of a magazine. Alexandria is what Lori wanted for their children. In spite of their turmoil, he wished he could have given it to her. And maybe the new world could have been their chance to make their marriage work.

The guilt still weighed heavily on him for the way he treated her during her pregnancy. He found himself blaming her for having to kill his best friend. If she hadn't slept with Shane then he would be alive and Rick would still have his best friend. She thought he was dead, he reminded himself. It wasn't fair to her but and he tried to fight those accusations but it was hard; he was bitter. She gave up on him, on them, long before he did. He believed she was still alive. Why couldn't she do the same? Why couldn't she believe in him? Wait just a bit longer before moving on? It was so quick it made him wonder if there was something going on before he struggled to live in that hospital bed.

He heard the door open and heard footsteps walking towards him. He didn't have to look to know who it was but he turned his head slightly to acknowledge her presence. Deep down he knew Michonne wouldn't ignore what he said. She was like a dog with a bone and wouldn't let it go. The therapist he had to see after he shot a suspect would tell him that he wanted her opinion or he wouldn't have admitted those feelings to her. Nothing is accidental. The subconscious is deliberate. He thought it was all malarkey but this new world was making him reconsider that belief. He knew she would always have an opinion and he eagerly shared his thoughts with her. He probably shared more than necessary since that time he lied to her about the guns. The shame he felt over those lies made it hard for him to look her in the eyes. What she thought and how she felt. Every bit of it mattered to him.

She leaned against the railing with her back to the street and looked at him. The positions of their bodies felt like how they handled things. They had different perspectives that allowed them to see the whole picture. He shook his head and smiled. His head was full of mumbo-jumbo psychology crap. It was part of why he hated not having much to do. Idle mind. Devil's workshop. He was afraid of the darkness when they were out there, but when they arrived in Alexandria it was like he was afraid of the light. He was restless when he first entered the walls. This new level of intimacy and love with her calmed him down and brought back his sanity. Carl surviving his second gunshot made Rick thankful and the Alexandrians' bravery gave him hope. He feared the Alexandrians would dilute the family's strength. He was wrong. He had been wrong about a lot of things.

"Intentions matter. Motivations matter," she said.

While out on a run with Daryl, he came across a woman and her words got to him. She was the leader of a small group of women survivors. No men were allowed and they didn't want any help from men. She told Rick what made him most dangerous was that he still believed he was a good person. She said she could tell he had done a lot of things. It was written all over him from the look in his eyes to the way he carried himself. It was the first time in a long time he thought about his actions and if they determined if he was a good person. Life was complicated now. Like he told Aaron in that barn, they were good people and they would still kill. As much as the world had changed, that was no different than the old world. Good people had to make hard choices.

"If I didn't have Carl, Judith, you, all these people, I'd be dead. Keeping them alive is what keeps me alive. That's my motivation."

"Those are good reasons."

"I've done things I can't even say."

"Rick."

He looked into her eyes and shook his head. "But I don't regret them because I know it's what I had to do to keep my family alive." What he did was accept that the ability to do those things were part of who he was now. It was just as much him as the good. He would do those things over and over to live another day for his children.

"Good. You have my unflinching support and my unwavering love. And you have it as long as you want it."

He held his head down and placed his hand on her hand. "I always want it," he said with a firm squeeze.

The community was still lifeless. She gently ran her thumb back forth over a small portion of his hand and it seemed to have the same calming effect it had on Judith when he tapped his fingers on her back or rubbed a spot on her soft flesh.

"So, you love me in spite of everything I've done?"

"No. I love you because of everything you've done and are willing to do. It's not easy what you do. The burden you carry every day is unspeakable at times. Heavy is the head that wears the crown," she said as she ran her hand through his hair and ran her nails over his scalp. "You make the decisions no one wants to make and then suffer the criticism when it doesn't work out as planned."

There was that unflinching support and unwavering love. That she felt that way about him sometimes took his breath away. And it made him nervous. How does one live up to that? The thought of losing that faith she had in him made him nervous. With just a few words she made him feel like a superhero.

"I see the restless nights even after a good day."

His nightmares woke her and afterward, his need to be close to her, inside her, kept her up. Like last night. She asked how the run was and he told her everything went fine and then he stripped her naked and tried to lose his thoughts inside her. It was fast and frenzied. Round two was deliberate and sensual. He recalled sensing everything like hearing the catch in her breath, the sharp feel of her fingernails in his back, the tightness he felt as he entered her over and over.

"It's okay to doubt your decisions but never doubt yourself." She turned in the same direction he was then looked out at the community.

"Never."

He stared at her. He felt like she knew him, saw him, really saw him for what he was and what he tried to do and be for the ones he loved. She understood the deep place that stored his coldness and brutality was necessary and she didn't judge him when it surfaced. She didn't question his every move. They both long ago resolved that this wasn't the world they once knew. Sometimes they had to do things they didn't want to do. They didn't revel in those things but they didn't let them play tricks with their minds or make them doubt who they were. Not anymore. It was a weight off his shoulders to know she understood that all. Even when she disagreed with him she still understood.

She was the reason he first stopped wearing his wedding ring. It was one of many turning points in his life since the day he came out of that coma. They were alone outside on the porch having an endless conversation on a wide range of topics, none of which involved the kids, the community, or safety. He felt free and alive and like the world was for them.

"As things continue on how do you see life?" She asked.

"For a long time, I couldn't see beyond survival and war and death."

"But now?"

He turned his body towards her. "Now things are different." He held her hand and stepped in closer to her. " _I'm_ different."

"Bringing in more people," she said as she turned to him, "that's still the plan, right?"

There she stood without her sword ready to embrace the world. She had come so far from the person who showed up at the prison unwilling to talk and ready to run. He never imagined she would be the one to lead him toward this new hopefulness he had.

"You want to carry on Deanna's vision. I know what that means to you. I know why it's important."

"Do you?"

"The world won't fix itself. We're the people to do it." They were all good people and they were lucky enough to find one another. This all worked because of all of them. Take away one piece and it wasn't the same. And it wasn't about their survival skills. They were all better off because of Glenn's humanity, Michonne's hope, Maggie's heart, and Eugene's confidence in what they were and who they could be. They didn't work without Rosita's pragmatism and Abraham's ability to motivate.

"You've changed," she said softly.

"Is that a good thing?"

"You tell me."

"It is. Because if I didn't, I wouldn't be here like this," he stepped closer to her, "with you." His hand ran up her arm and cupped the side of her neck. He watched as she slowly lost the battle to keep her eyes open and finally gave in to the feel of his touch. Just that quick, he felt a stirring desire for her.

He surveyed the still empty street. "Come on. We have time before Judith wakes up."

Michonne laughed and shook her head. "She'll be up in like five minutes."

"I can do it with time to spare." He flashed a smile that made her smile.

"For future reference, that's not a selling point."

"Understood." He laughed as he turned to make sure she was following him back inside.

His laughter stopped when they entered the house to see Carl walking around bouncing Judith, who waved when she saw him.

Carl handed her to Rick. "Right on time."

Michonne laughed and patted Rick on the back. "Yep, right on time."

He followed her to the couch as Carl headed out the door. "Where are you off to?"

"For a walk."

"Make sure you and Enid stay inside the walls," Rick called out just before the door closed.

"How do you know he was going to see Enid?"

Rick simply gave her a smile. "I see the way he looks at her."

"How does he look at her?"

"I can only imagine it's how I look at you."

They leaned into each other and kissed. It was sweet at first but soon became passionate. When her mouth opened slightly he used the opportunity to slide his tongue past her lips and he was greeted with the beautiful sound of her moan. Anytime he made her feel good or made her smile it felt like an accomplishment.

He was so caught up in the moment he almost forgot Judith was on his lap until she squirmed. He attempted to prolong the kiss even as Michonne pulled away. In some ways, he believed, life had never been better for him.

 _ **A/N: Thanks for reading. Next week will be a scene involving my favorite TWD relationship: Michonne and Carl.**_


	3. Talk

**Talk**

The house was quiet. It was that way anytime Judith was taking a nap. Ever since she realized the joy of hearing her own voice that pacifier was gone and she wanted the entire community to hear her gibberish. Well, it was relatively quiet; the sound of Carl's laughter filled the air as Michonne humored him with stories of her wild youth. He particularly loved hearing Michonne's college tales.

"I can't believe you did that. And you never got caught?"

"Nope." Her most recent anecdote was the time she went to Tijuana for spring break her freshman year of college and needed the help of the US Consulate to get back to the States. "My mother thought I stayed on campus to study."

"And I get harassed about walking outside the walls." He rolled his eyes. "Where did you go to college?"

"Vanderbilt." Just saying the name made her smile. She loved her alma mater. Nostalgia took over and she thought about Ingram Commons, the annual lip sync competition, and it was one of the most beautiful places on Earth during the fall.

"What city was that in?"

It struck her that he said was. Sadly, it was accurate. What happened to all those college kids separated from their families when the world ended? She wondered what happened to the many places and people she loved. It had been a while since she thought about how her life was nothing more than rapidly fading memories.

"It was in Nashville." He was a kid when the world changed. He probably hadn't given college much thought.

"Why did you decide to go there?"

She stopped washing Judith's bottles and leaned against the counter. "Great academics with a great alumni network in a metropolitan city and it still had that quintessential college life atmosphere." That came out of her mouth without thinking which made sense considering her years of being an active alum who interviewed potential students for admission.

"I'm not sure what I wanted to be. I guess it doesn't matter now. I wanted to go to UGA but that was mostly because it was the football team my dad and I cheered for."

He was so nonchalant about that and it saddened her. Sometimes they forgot just how much Carl and his generation lost. Deciding where to attend college and figuring out a major was a rite of passage Carl would never have. How does one become a fully developed whole person in this world? He lost mundane. He lost the ability to dream of things that could actually come true, that he could work towards. Sure, he was resilient but she feared he would be less in touch with humanity. There was more to humanity besides not taking a life.

Carl lost his mother. He watched her die. Even in the most perfect conditions that was hard to come back from, but Carl felt that loss in an unstable world without the safety that allowed him time to mourn and properly heal. She wasn't sure if he healed or if he just had to move on.

Rick entered the house and when he walked into the kitchen and stood next to Michonne he ran his hand across her shoulders and neck and gave her a smile. "I'm just grabbing something and heading back out with Tobin. He found a spot on the wall that appears weak. We're going to fix it."

If it wasn't the weak spot it would be something else. Sitting around and doing nothing was not how Rick was built. Each day he woke with a mission to do something for the sake of the community. It was just one of the things she admired about him.

"Need any help?" Michonne asked.

"No, we got it." He gave her that smile that made her feel as if while looking at her all the things they did the night before flashed before his eyes. She was still adjusting to their new relationship. Sometimes she would steal glances at him and think to herself 'holy shit, I can't believe I did those things with Rick'. But it felt absolutely natural to do them.

She eyed Carl who became noticeably silent and his focus was on a spot on the table. She knew they had to talk. They weren't ostentatious around Carl but Michonne was uncomfortable showing the slightest affection while Rick didn't seem to care if they were caught. They never got too passionate outside of their bedroom. Like that morning, they were in the kitchen as Rick watched her make breakfast. He stood behind her with his hands on her hips kissing on her neck. When Carl walked in she was ready to fly across the room but she was trapped between the stove and Rick's solid body. He, on the other hand, greeted Carl and was in no rush to move from her personal space.

She looked at Rick and silently directed his attention to Carl.

Rick cleared his throat. "You wanna help, Carl?"

"No, that's okay."

Rick glanced at Michonne before turning his attention back to his son. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I'm just tired."

She always wanted to know what was going on with Carl but they both knew he deserved his space. He was growing up and after everything he did and went through, it would almost be patronizing to hover. Once Rick left it was a chance for Michonne and Carl to have the talk she both wanted and dreaded. It was obvious the new relationship had some effect on Carl. She joined him at the table and grabbed an apple from the bowl offering to cut his in slices like hers but he declined. He tossed his ball in the air each time tossing it higher and higher.

"Let me have it."

He tossed the ball at her. She caught it and laughed. "Not this." She tossed it back to him.

"Have what?"

"I know you well, my friend. I know your dad spoke to you about us and I know you said it was cool. You're inquisitive so I know there is more. You may be cool with it but you got any questions for me?" He was more likely to tell her than Rick. Like Rick once said, she was his friend. You share things with friends you didn't share with your father but now she was afraid her relationship with Rick would change the way Carl saw her.

Michonne and Carl didn't do much talking since arriving in Alexandria but they did even less since he found out about her relationship with Rick. They danced around it but never spoke of it. Maybe she was being paranoid. Maybe the infrequent conversations were because he was a teenage boy and there was a teenage girl who had most of his thoughts.

He held his head down but looked at her from behind his brown curtain of hair. "You and my dad are together. I guess it's pretty simple."

"I wanted us to be able to tell you. The way you found out…that's not how I wanted you to find out. It was a horrible way for you to find out. I'm sorry. I know that must have been very uncomfortable for you and with you finding out along with everyone else." She mentally scolded herself for rambling.

"Not your fault."

"Well?"

He took a deep breath and surveyed everything to the left, right, and above her before his focus finally landed on her. "Have you told my dad about Andre?"

That's not something she expected to hear. "No." Only he knew of Andre. After that day she told him they never mentioned him again.

"Why not?"

"It's not the easiest conversation to have, to tell someone about your dead child. And," she lowered her head and played with her nails. No matter how much she cleaned them, they never seemed to get clean enough. "It's deeply personal." She wasn't sure what Andre had to do with the conversation at hand.

"No more personal than having sex. Unless you don't love my dad and you're using him."

She looked up at him. He stared directly in her eyes, almost defiant. That felt like a punch in the gut that sent her pulse racing. She could feel her shoulders slump at his implication. "Jeez kid, I forgot how blunt you could be."

He dismissed her discomfort with a shrug. "I thought you said I could say anything to you?"

"I did. You can."

"Just not when it makes you uncomfortable." He nodded.

"That's not true. I was going to say it's deeply personal and not a conversation to be had in two minutes. You get your inquisitive nature honestly."

"What does that mean?" He squinted, something he did when he was confused or felt challenged; it was another thing he got from his father.

"It means your dad is just as nosy as you are."

She thought that would get her at least a smile but she only got a slow steady nod. "If you love him then I think it's something you should tell him."

She sighed. "Carl."

"How can you tell me but not tell him? You trust him, right?"

"Of course."

"What kind of reaction do you think you'll get from him that you didn't get from me? What are you afraid he'll say?" He shrugged. "I guess that's some kind of sign, isn't it? If you can't trust him with that then…"

"Okay, I don't know what you want from me right now." At this moment, she was wishing for a simple _'It's cool.'_

"Why? Why now? Why after all this time?"

"I don't know."

He frowned.

"I know why I…" She stopped herself from telling Carl something she hadn't told Rick. Hadn't dared to tell herself. "He's caring, brave, honorable, loyal. The way he protects you and Judith and everyone he cares about. So, I do know why I care about him."

"Care about him?"

"I thought you were cool with this. What do you want me to say?"

"That you love him," he said loudly with a wide-eyed glare. "Because that's what he needs. It's what he deserves. He deserves to have someone love him like Maggie loves Glenn. Someone who believes in him and stands by him." He held his head down and took a deep breath. "I haven't been the easiest person." His voice became considerably softer. " I've given him a hard time. I didn't understand a lot of what he was trying to teach me. But I get it now. And so do you."

"Yes, I get it."

"No," he said with a strong shake of his head. " _You_ deserve someone who loves you too. You deserve someone who won't stop looking for you like Glenn looked for Maggie after the prison. Someone who will die to keep you safe. That's what my dad would do."

She understood. He was looking out for his father and he was looking out for her.

"I'd never do anything to hurt your dad." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes he was looking at her. "I love your dad. I still don't know how to explain what we are or where we're going or how it happened, but I love your dad. That's not something I ever want you to doubt."

"I know. I just need him to hear it and you can't be afraid to say it. One day we're here, the next…" He stood up. "Life is short. He's spent so much time being a leader and trying to keep everyone safe that he never thought about himself. Glenn has Maggie, Sasha had Bob, Abraham and Rosita, Tara found Olivia, and even Carol found Tobin. But my dad…you…you both deserve happiness."

He started to walk around the room aimlessly until he stood before the window where he stopped and looked out. "I don't remember my mom and dad when I was younger but I remember what it was like at the end."

She felt uncomfortable listening to Carl talk about Rick's relationship with his wife. It was almost like snooping even if she wasn't pumping Carl for information. "Carl, it's okay. I don't need to hear about your parent's marriage."

He looked back at her. "I'm not telling you about my parents. I'm telling you about me. I'm not saying this for you. I'm saying this for me."

She nodded.

He nodded then turned back toward the window. "I hated it. I hated the tension. I hated the way he wouldn't look at her and barely spoke to her. After we lost the farm, at the prison, it was even worse. I would disappear and go off on my own because it was better than seeing him hate her and seeing her sad. And I was mean to her too because I was angry. I blamed her for messing up our family. Seeing him around you means a lot. In some ways, I feel like I have a part of him back that I haven't seen in a long time."

He stopped talking but she wasn't sure if he was done or if he was grasping for more words.

"A part that I wasn't sure I'd see again."

"I didn't do that." The possibility she brought Rick happiness was exciting and equally scary. "This place, you being okay-"

"Don't sell yourself short. What you mean to him, even before you got together, means a lot."

That moment hit her like a ton of bricks. It was their responsibility to give this all they had because this wasn't just about them. It affected Carl, too. They didn't enter into this lightly. Neither of them would have let that night on the couch happen if they believed it was a mistake. It wasn't some moment of weakness and it was real, but sitting with Carl brought home how intertwined his feelings were in this new relationship.

She walked over and stood next to him. "I don't want you to think I'm trying to replace your mom."

"I don't because you could never do that. Nothing changes really, other than the sleeping arrangements." His pale skin reddened. "You're to us what you were before. You're my friend and more."

Carl meant the world to her. He had a special place in her heart and it was everything to have his blessing. If they didn't have it she wasn't sure she could be with Rick. And even if they tried, without Carl's blessing, it was sure to fail. Her heart was so full and she could feel the tears forming. She ran her hand through his hair. "You need a haircut."

He laughed as she walked away. "I love you, too."


	4. No Conversation

_**A/N: Thanks again everyone for taking the time to read and review my little words in this beautiful fan universe.**_

 **No Conversation**

"That looks like everything," Michonne said as she stood with her hands on her hips surveying the warehouse.

Rick walked over and stood next to her. "Yeah, this place is officially done."

They were on a run in a nearby town and it was essentially a ghost town. People probably came to the same conclusion that the farther out in the farm area, the fewer people. There was only safety in numbers when you could trust the people around you. As much as he wanted to trust everyone, they knew a more than healthy case of paranoia kept you alive. More and more, it was obvious there were too many people who couldn't be trusted.

"We can head back now," she said.

"Not yet."

She turned to face him. "Is there more?" Then she executed a 360-degree turn, eyes scanning the warehouse looking for what she may have missed.

"Yes, but not here. There's some place else I want to go."

She shrugged. "Lead the way."

She was always game. Never too tired to do just a little more. He loved that about her. Respected that about her. But this part of the trip wasn't about more work. They walked through the warehouse and out the exit that led to an alley.

"What's back here?" Her eyes darted around not only looking for danger but a way to safety if something went down. Her head was always on a swivel, she was always thinking ahead. It was why he loved when she had his back. He never felt safer.

"Something I want you to see." He pushed the dumpster he and Daryl used to block the door out of the way.

She drew her sword and he drew his Colt just in case, but he imagined it was still secure and empty since his last visit. They made their way through what appeared to be a large storage area until they were standing in the middle of an open space filled with art. It had been rummaged through and there were overturned chairs and litter on the floor but it appeared most of the art went untouched.

"Wow," she breathed.

The place was probably a factory in the past. There were exposed pipes, ductwork, and smokestacks. The floors, though polished now, were concrete. Now it was a fancy art center. There was a two-story atrium surrounded by a balcony and divided by two catwalks. He discovered the place while on one of his numerous runs with Daryl and instantly thought of her. He knew as soon as he saw it he wanted to show her.

"I probably would have spent a lot of time here before."

There were so many differences between them. He could never see himself in a place like this.

He walked a few feet behind her, taking her in as she took in the art. She gave everything her full attention from the paintings and sculptures to the jewelry and photography. Something caught her eye and she stood before it seemingly mesmerized. It was a bright-colored painting of a couple walking under a red umbrella on a wet sidewalk with rows of trees and street lamps on either side.

"We can take it."

"No. It should be appreciated by everyone. When the world is back to the way it was this being here will matter."

They walked around in silence. She would sometimes rush ahead when something caught her eye. The smile on her face let him know he made her happy. Even her walk was different. Her stride was slower and more sensual and he enjoyed watching her. When time slowed down it was hard to keep his eyes or hands off her. The world was different than before in many ways, most of which was the sheer lack of privacy. It was close quarters all the time. It was necessary but still stifling and annoying. Even having their own home in Alexandria couldn't keep him from being restless at times. There were no date nights. There were no weekend getaways where no one knew them. It was why he wanted to go away with just her outside the walls of Alexandria from time to time.

During their private walk through the building, it didn't seem like the end of the world happened. Everything seemed normal. On the surface, being here wasn't for him. It was her. But he gained pleasure by seeing her smile, seeing her shoulders drop, seeing her walk without a purpose. It made him more than happy; it made him proud.

They stepped out to the balcony with a view of the city and the river. There were tables and chairs, probably a place to sit and have a peaceful lunch in the middle of the day. Dead plants in large pots were scattered in corners.

"I bet this was beautiful before," he said.

"It still is. You just have to look past the blemishes. The beauty is still there."

She leaned against the brick wall and looked out at the horizon. She rolled her neck and shoulders a few times. They had been working for hours. Not to mention anytime outside the walls of Alexandria caused them to be on high alert. That was mentally and physically draining. He moved behind her until his body was against hers. He massaged her neck and shoulders putting in more effort when he heard her slight moans of pleasure and he didn't stop until she lay her head back against him.

"That was nice. Wanna switch?"

"Nope. I didn't do it to get a return favor." He kissed her shoulder and then up to her neck. "You mean everything to me."

It was so much easier to say that to her while her back was to him. He was a man of action. That's how he proved his love. Talk was cheap and action was all that mattered. That was one of the nuggets of wisdom his father bestowed upon him at an early age. Each time he would tell his father his plans, his father told him he'd believe it when he saw it. At first, that was hard for an eight-year-old to have cold water douse the fire of his excitement. But as he got older and was disappointed by the various people who didn't follow through on their promises he understood it. He didn't need words and in many ways, she seemed to be the same.

"I don't need you to tell me what I already know." She braced her hands on the brick wall.

"How do you know?"

She turned around and faced him. "Because I've seen the look in your eyes when I've saved your life. The look in your eyes when you see me in trouble. Because when you left to save Beth, even though Tyreese had spent all that time protecting Judith, you wanted me to stay back with your children. So, I know how you feel about me."

They never talked about what they were or what that night meant. Or if it meant things changed, for better or worse. Between Jesus and the Hilltop so much happened over the following days. Then there was the mission to take out the Saviors. By the time they were back in that state of normalcy it seemed like the moment to talk had passed. But he didn't need it anyway. They didn't discuss sleeping arrangements. She slept in his room each night. It was now their room. He was confident in who and what they were to each other.

So was she. She wasn't worried about them. He knew her focus was Carl. How would he take it? Would he be angry? Would he think she was trying to be a replacement?

"How this, you and me, affects others is something we should probably discuss but you and me," she shook her head. "Not needed."

It wasn't about titles. He didn't need her to be his girlfriend. She was more than that. He was more than that. Somehow those titles were too inconsequential for people who would die for each other.

They weren't young and in love for the first time like Glenn and Maggie who couldn't help a chaste kiss here or a quick hug there for the world to see. They weren't kids like Carl and Enid who were trying to figure out what they were feeling and if it was real. They weren't Rosita and Abraham thrust together by circumstance and raging hormones. They were rooted in something he couldn't explain, something deep and meaningful. They were their own unique thing created over an extended time that was so powerful it overwhelmed them when they finally realized it. They didn't choose this life and part of him felt like they didn't choose each other. They chose to accept what they meant to each other.

"Lori…" He diverted his eyes, almost as if he was embarrassed to say her name to the woman he now shared his bed with. "She liked to talk, share her every feeling. I was never…" He stopped moved his head from side to side uncertain of what to say. He looked at her. "You don't want to hear this."

"I appreciate that about you."

"What?" He frowned.

"You're thoughtful enough to think it might bother me to hear about your happiness before me." She shook her head. "But it doesn't. She was your wife and you loved her."

"Are you sure you want to hear this?" It wasn't the happiness he was thinking about at that moment.

"Yes. Any insight into you is welcomed. I feel like I already know the heavy stuff but maybe I don't know what caused the heavy stuff. What made you the way you are even before life as we know it changed. I want to know about you. This world isn't all of it." She pulled him closer and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I want it all."

He bit his bottom lip and nodded, briefly holding his head down. She was so much more than he realized. Much more than he deserved before he pulled his head out of his ass. "I was never good at it. I guess I always said the wrong thing and made her angry. I didn't say what she wanted to hear." He looked past her and toward the horizon. "Sometimes I think there was nothing I could say to make her happy. Sometimes I think she was hell bent on being angry with me. Back then, I think we were both too young to know how to keep a good thing from going bad. But I don't want to make the same mistakes. I'll try to let you know what I'm thinking."

"Do I seem like the talkative type?"

"No, not now but maybe you were before the world changed," he said as he cupped her face and looked into those eyes that shook him to his core. "And then maybe you realized silence kept you alive. And you got used to it."

"What makes you think I was talkative before?"

"I knew you were different when you said accretion."

She laughed.

"I had visions of a college literature professor."

She smiled. "You're perceptive even in jokes. French literature major."

"Were you a professor?"

"No. I was a lawyer."

He groaned. "That explains so much."

She gave him a warning look. "Don't start with the lawyer jokes and I won't tell any doughnut jokes."

"Deal." He stopped smiling. "But still, I'd like to try. I wasn't the best husband or father."

She remained silent and he was grateful she allowed him to voice his shortcomings without telling him he was wrong. He knew his previous failures and didn't need anyone telling him his self-evaluation was wrong.

"You always tell me I don't have to thank you for what you do for me, for Carl, for Judith, for everyone. Now you're saying I don't need to define what we are, not that I would have the words to do what we are justice, but sometimes, some things you should want to hear. And even if you don't need to hear it don't take away the need for the other person to say it. So, maybe you don't need to hear that you mean the world to me and I would crumble if anything ever happened to you but I need to say it."

She looked down then back up at him quickly before diverting her eyes again. "I may not need to hear it," she said as she ran her hand through his hair, "but thank you for saying it." She held her head down. "I liked hearing it. I liked it a lot."


	5. Aftermath

_**A/N: Hey guys! I wasn't sure I would get this up today. I didn't finish the chapter during the week and last night I saw Eclipsed. It was amazing. Everything I heard, imagined, and more. Such talented women.**_

 **Aftermath**

The sound of the rain beat harsh against the window. The wind was violent enough to howl creating an even more ominous feel. The house was dark and lifeless yet it was barely 7pm. The community's sadness even took it's toll on the most innocent of then all. Judith didn't know of the team's loss but there were times she could feel the tension. Babies sensed those things. Carl barely mumbled more than two words at a time. And then there was Rick. Michonne sighed as she lit the last of the candles and stood in the corner and removed her bathrobe while she watched him lie lifeless in bed. Negan took it all. The world stop turning, the sun stopped shining, it rained for three straight days. He took Rick's pride and she hoped, no, she knew, he didn't take his fight.

She saw him that night with Negan standing over him. That dejected look and that defeated posture weren't for himself; it was because he failed his family and someone would suffer because of him. At least, that's what was in his mind. He was one of those people who punished himself. Blamed himself. She never knew a time he didn't feel responsible for whatever tragedy they suffered. He was forever on the hook. And while his love for others was beautiful, it was also part of his downfall because if anyone felt anything other than happiness and safety, Rick felt he somehow failed. The only thing more frustrating was when he flew off the handle and didn't think before he acted.

She joined him in bed and wrapped her arm around his waist and kissed him on his back. Seeing him in pain sucked the breath out of her body so much so that she found it difficult to get through the days without breaking down whenever he was near. Sometimes she had to get away whether it was taking Judith for a walk or taking on extra guard shifts.

"I'm really tired," Rick mumbled.

"In your dreams, Casanova. I'm tired too."

"Maybe you should sleep in your room."

That threw her for a loop. Luckily, she was not one to be shocked into silence. "This _is_ my room."

"Look-"

"I'm going to stop you now. This isn't your fault. I know you like to suffer on the cross and that's something that will never change, but you're not pushing me away. I'm not walking away. You can be angry. You can cry. You can have all the solitude you need but I'm not going anywhere and we're not having this conversation again." She kissed his back and then rolled onto hers.

He sat up and looked down at her with a fire in his eyes she hadn't seen in the three days since that horrible night occurred that left him a shell of himself. This was much preferred over what he had been as of late. It was a sign of life…of something other than self-loathing.

"Something you want to say?" She challenged him.

"You're acting like this isn't my fault. You're acting like it's fine. That's because this isn't on you. The weight of this void isn't on you. I led us into this. I didn't realize just how big this world is. How bad. I thought this would be just another asshole like The Governor or Gareth. I thought we could handle this."

"You had faith in us. In what we've been through. In what we've done. In what we could do. And you had every right to feel that. We all did."

"I was arrogant. I've never been good at saying I was wrong. Not in the old world and not in the new. But I was wrong."

"Yeah, you were."

His eyes widened slightly. The last few days she had been so gentle with him because he needed it, because it was the right thing to do. But now it was time for him to get it together before it was too hard to climb out of this sadness.

She sat up with her back against the headboard. "And so was I. So was Glenn. So was Daryl. So was Maggie. We're all responsible. We stood around that table and came up with that plan to attack Negan together. All of us. We all agreed."

"No, no." He shook his head.

"How long have we all been a group? You think we would have risked our lives, each other's lives executing a plan we didn't believe in? We all had job to do and we did them. No one forced us."

"Carol didn't think it was a good idea."

"Carol was going through things and the only thing I recall her taking issue with was Maggie being there."

"She was right about that."

"No one wanted Maggie there but it was her decision. Her own husband couldn't stop her."

"Morgan didn't think it was a good idea."

That was true. Morgan didn't think it was a good idea. "No, he didn't. Morgan also thought it was okay to hide a man who killed our friends in this community without telling us. See? No one is perfect, especially not in this world now."

"You're giving me a pass."

"No, I'm not. I'm simply acknowledging you didn't do this alone."

"They did it because I told them it was the only way. Whatever I said they would have done."

She snorted. "Aren't we full of ourselves." She glanced at him. "Not true. Everyone in this group stood against you in that barn."

"I let them down. I let them all down. I can't be a leader. I can't lead these people.

"What happened the last time you weren't the leader? When I first arrived at the prison I overheard Hershel saying things weren't right while you were going through things and getting your head together, figuring things out. It was chaos. I saw it for myself. Glenn and Merle fighting. Maggie scared. At one point, Beth was the voice of reason." She turned her body towards him. "You think it would do any of us any good for you be a farmer again? Or just the constable? You're a leader like all the rest of us."

"I see the way they look at me, especially Carol and Maggie."

It was Aaron, Gabriel, and Tobin who defended him the most while he received vitriol from some in their core group. That hurt Rick. It angered her. To remove themselves and their involvement in how they got to this point was selfish. They were better than that. Assigning blame was not something they did. They looked for answers. They were all in pain after that night but hurting each other more would serve only to make them weaker.

"Glenn once told me, back at the prison, that you transformed this group. That it was you made them proactive instead of simply reacting to the world and what it did to you. You made them better and that he said he would follow you and trust you forever."

He placed his hand on her cheek and stared at her. It was the first time since that night that she felt he really saw her intentionally. Usually, it seemed like she was simply in his line of sight. This time, his stare was purposeful.

"The conflict of interest is too much. I was praying to…to I'm not sure who, that it be anyone but Carl or you. I told myself I could handle it. I could get over it and move on as long as it wasn't you. What kind of leader is okay with one of his people dying for his own happiness?" He placed his hand on top of hers. When he looked at her, eyes pooling with tears, she felt equally broken.

"You weren't okay with someone dying." He worried about praying to God but she would sell her soul to Mephistopheles. In spite of their night with Negan, they were better off than almost everyone in the world. They were alive and surrounded by people they loved and trusted but she would give it all up to be with him. And there was a time when that wasn't just some theoretical show of loyalty. It was a real possibility when Deanna was ready to send him back outside those walls. She would have gone with him. Wouldn't have hesitated.

"When we were in that RV all I wanted to do was hold you but I couldn't, not in front of them. Not after what we all lost that night. It wasn't just a loved one. It was security, confidence. In that one moment it was all gone, everything we worked for, everything we built. And I don't know how to get it back. I don't have an answer. "

"You don't have to have all the answers. You don't have to get it back. We're all in this together."

"They think I have it under control." He paused. "They thought I had it under control. Abraham, Jesus, Maggie…everyone thought I'm the leader they could trust, who can build something for the future."

"You're spending a lot of time worried about how people see you. Seems to me that's what you're worried about. Not whether you are a good leader."

"You know that's not true."

"Well stop with the I and me bullshit and think about we."

"Every decision I've ever made came with a cost. Cost me my friend in Shane, a mentor in Hershel, my wife. My decisions cost us our home at the prison."

"It kept us from being slaughtered at Terminus."

He grunted.

"Rick. Glenn and Abraham's group walked through the front door and was ready to be dinner. Daryl and I didn't see the danger either. It was you. You're the only one who knew something wasn't right and you saw it quickly." She chuckled. "Though a little heads up would have been nice when you went rogue."

"Negan should have killed me."

"You know why he didn't." He would need someone to lead them and what better person than Rick. He was better alive than a martyr. Even Negan saw what Rick couldn't at the moment — that Rick was a leader they needed.

"I have hope you'll be the man we need when the time comes."

"How can you have hope?"

"I have hope because a world without it is miserable and dangerous. Remember that? At one time that was you and it was a little scary."

"You shouldn't follow me."

"I'll follow you anywhere. Down a rabbit hole, off a cliff, to hell. And know that when I do, it's with 100% faith and because I want to. We've been together long enough for you to know when I don't agree with you I let you know. I'm not afraid to oppose you. I'm not blinded by love."

"Love, huh?" He emoted something that was a mix of a laugh and a sigh, but it was clearly filled with anguish.

"Absolutely, positively, without a doubt, head over heels."

He turned his head towards her and looked at her. Actually, it was more for a gawk. "Why? You've never seen me, not the real version of me."

"Who is it that you think you are?"

"I don't know. I never thought about it."

"You didn't change me but you made me better myself. That's what good people do."

He smiled and shook his head finally accepting that she wouldn't allow him to be defeated. He was in his mourning period. She got it. He deserved it. Needed it. It would do no one any good for him to rush around like some emotionless warrior ready to exact his revenge. That would be dangerous. It would be stupid. He would galvanize them as he always did but first, he needed to feel this pain and deal with it. That was the only way to a clear head. She was brilliant at boosting his morale and taking him off the hook. She wished she could do that for herself.

* * *

Leadership was isolating. He thought he felt alone while married to Lori when the world was normal. That was nothing compared to the loneliness he often felt now. But no matter how much he wanted to be left alone and ignore their attempts to alleviate his guilt, Michonne and Aaron wouldn't obey his request like the others. They wouldn't leave him alone. Wouldn't let him, what did Aaron say, wallow in his pitifulness. He was a leader and it was time to behave like one. Besides, he didn't really trust anyone else. He wasn't a follower. They were right — he was a leader.

He and Aaron were walking down the street thinking about Alexandria's next move. There _would_ be a next move. They couldn't stay under the thumb of Negan forever. They weren't built that way. Aaron was ready to go. Ready to plan. Ready to train. Ready to fight. Ready to win.

"I feel sorry for that bag." He motioned in the direction on the other side of Rick.

He looked over to see Michonne in their garage. Whoever lived there before them had a penchant for working out. Their garage could serve as a gym. "Aaron, I'll catch you later."

Aaron smiled and kept walking. He and Aaron had grown closer and Rick knew Aaron already had a strong bond with Michonne. He was a true friend.

He entered the garage to see Michonne beating the hell out of a boxing bag. She was drenched in sweat and looked ready to collapse at any moment. He stood off to the side and watched her but it became evident it wasn't just sweat. There were tears. He walked over and stood on the other side of the bag, holding it as she continued to pound on it.

"How long have you been at this?"

"Five minutes? An hour? I don't know."

He checked her out. It looked closer to an hour than five minutes. "Hey, why don't you take a break."

"I'm fine."

"It wasn't a request. You're not fine. You look like you're about to drop any second now."

After a few more jabs she took a deep breath and stood back staring first at the bag then at him. She tossed the boxing gloves in the trunk that stored athletic equipment like jump ropes, weights, and a couple of medicine balls then she sat down on it. He joined her. The only sound was her large gulps from a water bottle.

"What's wrong?" He stared out the garage at the empty street allowing her to think he didn't notice she was crying.

"This isn't the first time you've seen me exercise." The frown on her face that had come to be a thing of the past over the last three months, at least in their home, was now back. In fact, it seemed like ever since he got out of the fog she entered it.

He accepted what happened that night. Continuing to deny it wouldn't change things; it wouldn't bring him back. He stopped thinking everyone was staring at him with accusations and judgments in their eyes. She was responsible for that and he owed her the same devotion.

"I'm not talking about your Rocky impression. You've been that way since the prison. You know what else is like the prison?" He paused and waited for her response.

She looked at him when the silence hung in the air and rolled her eyes. "Okay, what?"

He smiled briefly at her show of annoyance but his smile fell when he spoke. "You being closed off and quiet. You barely say anything. Acting like you don't need anything or anyone." It took a long time for her to reveal the layers of herself and he didn't want her to backslide. He wanted even more of her now but lately, he was getting less. She didn't go as far as to sleep in her old room but she didn't come to bed until hours after he did. Most times when he woke up in the middle of the night she was there and by the time he woke up the next morning at daylight she was already gone.

"That's not true."

"I thought you were done taking breaks?"

Quickly her head turned in his direction and she stared at him. He couldn't figure out the look on her face. It wasn't anger. He knew that for sure. Was it sadness or maybe even embarrassment?

"I'm right here with you. I didn't go anywhere."

"Not physically, no," he said with a shake of his head. "But emotionally you're gone." He shook his head and gave a wry smile. "You're so gone I'm scared you won't come back."

She finished doing all the heavy lifting of bringing him back from the edge and it was like she had no more energy, not even enough to help herself. He would take over and do whatever he needed to lift that heavy burden from her. Not simply to return the favor but because he loved her. He watched her as she stood up and walked around the garage making sure her back was always to him.

"I help with Carl," she said with a shrug. "It's not like he needs either of us much anymore, though. But I'm there for Judith."

He laughed. "The one person who can't talk back." But it was true she was her same giving and loving self with Judith. It was like her subconscious wouldn't allow her to push everything down completely.

She whirled around. "What do you want from me? What do you expect?"

"For you to follow your own advice." He shook his head. "You have to get out of this hole. Climb out. Follow me. That's what you said you would do — follow me anywhere. Remember that?"

"When you were caught by Negan it was because you were out there trying to save Maggie. Save her baby. You had no choice. But me, I had a choice and I made the wrong one."

"You went after him. That's what we do. We help each other."

"I didn't bring him back. We were out there having an argument, a discussion out in the open. Something that should have been done at home. We got soft here. We got stupid. Daryl, Glenn, Rosita, and me…that was stupid being out there. Carol was stupid for trying to stop Maggie back when we took out the Saviors. We've been stupid."

"Maggie shouldn't have been there. Carol was right."

Michonne rolled her eyes. "It wasn't the time or the place. You know when you change plans? Before battle not during the mission. It was stupid, just like us being out there with Daryl."

"This place is what you wanted and you were right. We needed it. We couldn't be out there any longer just barely surviving. We didn't get stupid. We started living."

She shook her head. "Living? _Living_?" She continued to shake her head. "We were stupid and weak and it got someone we love killed."

"Oh, I…I get it now," he said. It was barely a whisper with a hint of a chuckle. He nodded his head and then tilted his head to the side and looked at her.

"Get what?"

"You wanted me down off the cross to make room for yourself. If it's not my fault then it's not yours either."

She rolled her eyes. "I didn't say…" She sighed heavily obviously becoming frustrated. "Please stop."

"Where is this coming from?"

"I'm just tired, Rick. I'm tired of always fighting. Of not having a life."

"Wanting a life and not wanting to fight doesn't make you stupid or weak." To him, wanting that life and not wanting to fight made them human and that made them better. Better for each other and better for the world. There was no shame in being good in this new world. "It makes you strong. It's why you're a leader. A leader we need." He walked over to her. "I need you. Right by my side when we fight."

"When we fight?"

"We're not going to stay under Negan's rule forever."

"What?"

"Did you think we would?"

"I wasn't sure. You didn't seem to have the will to fight."

"Back then I didn't, but you can't live in your feelings all the time. We have to face reality. You have to face the reality."

"What's the reality?"

"That you're not built to be this way, to accept what Negan has done and what he wants us to be. None of us are." He loved her strength but he needed her to remain that bastion of humanity that made him a better person, a better father.

"Did you believe everything you told me? About it not being my fault?"

"Yes, Rick."

"Well, I hope you can do the same for yourself. Believe it about yourself." He held her hand.

She tried to pull it away. "I'm all sweaty."

He leaned into her. "I've been a lot closer to you when you've been sweaty before."

His comment was greeted with the first smile for him in a long time. Seeing that smile on her face, no matter how small, made him feel infinitely better.

"We're all going to die one day, but until we do, we will live and if that means we have to fight then that's what we're going to do. This is a setback, a painful one, but the world is still ours."

She frowned. "How can you say that?" Her focus went back out toward the street.

"Because we have each other. I have the people I love and that is the world to me." He placed his hand under her chin and turned her head so she would look at him. He wanted to see her face. "Is it for you? Are the people you love enough to keep going?"

The silence seemed forever. He wished she would answer him immediately but these were her feelings and he needed her to be honest with him and herself.

She nodded her head. "We fight. We win. We live."

He smiled because he knew they would be alright.

 _ **A/N: Thanks again for reading.**_


	6. Changes

_A/N: Thanks, everyone for reading and reviewing.  
_ _Alisha Reed_ _I hope to continue but I'm running out of prompts. I have four more after this chapter. So if anyone has an idea for a scene let me know.  
_ _Literaturechick_ _I want them to be a partnership, not a one-sided relationship. I'm glad you see that in their interaction. Thanks for all your kind words.  
_ _Courtgirl26_ _Yes, I think they are very much alike and complement each other because they come at things differently.  
_ _TheOtherPen_ _Thank you. I always want to portray a realistic depiction even in situations we've never seen them in._

 **Changes**

From their open bedroom window, Rick watched Michonne in the street handing two new members of the community their asses. Her legs were shoulder width apart and her hands were on her hips. Unlike most people, she didn't wave her arms around when she was excited or upset. She was eerily still when she was agitated. It made her all the more intimidating. It was obvious she wasn't delivering a greeting card-worthy message and they knew she wasn't happy with their bowed heads and clasped hands in front of their bodies. He couldn't make out what was said but for Michonne to be so upset he was sure it was about safety. She was a drill sergeant when it came to the community and the residents' safety and she was unapologetic about it.

In fact, she was unapologetic about everything that defined her: her strength, her tone, her body language. He loved that about her. There was nothing fake about anything she said or did. Whatever she gave you, whether it was assurance, trust, sympathy, laughter, a smile — you knew it was genuine and earned.

She glanced up at him and he felt like a kid caught doing something he wasn't supposed toe be doing. But he remained by the window as she walked up the short distance from the curb to their house. The front door opened and then closed. He could track her every move throughout their home. He heard her footsteps across the hardwood floors. Then she made her way to the kitchen. He could hear the rattling of pots and the closing of cupboard doors.

This world made it almost impossible to know who people were before the change. Anyone still alive was already brutal or had to become that. The Alexandrians were lucky but society and it's new world order dictated they change. So it was hard to see anyone still alive as anything other than dangerous and capable. So it made him smile knowing who Michonne was before he knew her. She got manicures and pedicures on a regular basis. She dressed up and attended fancy galas and flew to New York just see Broadway plays. She loved skirts and heels. She didn't own a microwave and had an actual teapot.

The more time they were together in their home, the more he saw that person she once was. He never knew just how guarded she was until they became one. But now their home was filled with laughter, particularly hers. He loved everything about her. She wasn't a weapon or a warrior when they were home. He only saw a beautiful woman with a big heart who flipped her hair and ran her fingers through his. There was the way she bit her bottom lip until she could no longer control the huge smile that made her nose crinkle and lit up the room and made everyone around her happy. Only he saw that. Because of her, his family once again was whole.

The sound of her footsteps were closer signaling she was almost in his sight and it made him happy. He was still at the window when she entered their bedroom. It was no surprise she wasn't that person she was in the street. Her face softened and her voice gentle. "Are you feeling any better?" She carried a tray with a bowl towards him.

He came down with a nasty cold, had a temperature, and blew his nose so much it was sore. Michonne insisted he take some time to get better when Aaron told her he almost got himself killed by a frail senior citizen walker when they were on a perimeter walk because he couldn't pierce her skull with his knife.

"Get back in bed." Her command was loving but stern.

"I'm fine. You know when we're out there we have to keep going. We don't get sick days." But he still made his way to the bed while he offered his weak attempt at defiance.

"Well, we're not out there. We're in here so rest."

"You know, you said a couple of days in bed. It's been three."

"I said a few days." She directed him to the bed with stretched eyes and a glance towards the bed.

He did as ordered and sat up with his back against the headboard leaving room for her to sit next to him. She sat the tray on the table then joined him on the bed.

"What's that?"

"Tomato soup, grilled cheese, and tea."

"Homemade?"

She smiled. "There's no such thing as processed and fast food anymore." She ran her fingers through his hair and smiled. "Which is one of the benefits of the world resetting itself." She didn't spend much time missing the material things of the past. Not even the missed conveniences entered her mind. She found it useless to dwell on the 'what used to be' and miss what could not currently be.

The katana-wielding warrior had the most gentle touch he ever felt. His eyes closed and he heard himself sigh as he forgot about everything from the food and his sickness to all the work he was missing for the benefit of the community. She had that effect on him. Made him forget everything but the here and now. He knew people weren't simple but he didn't realize how complex they could be until she entered his life and made him rethink everything he was and believed. She was fierce, calculated, conniving, ruthless, powerful and a survivor thanks to her skepticism and practicality, but there was the vulnerability, tenderness, humanity, and love that made her his inspiration. She was everything.

Daryl once said he would never have dreamed they were a couple if they hadn't walked in on them courtesy of Jesus. In fact, most wouldn't know their new relationship status. They were something different. Outside their home, it was the business of survival and community. They had their own homes but the residents were still extremely connected to each other. They did almost everything with everyone almost all the time. Their survival depended on it. But what he shared with her behind closed doors was a sweet relief from having people on top of each other.

How they were when they were alone made life better. What went on in their home, and even more so in their bedroom, was for them and wasn't to be shared with anyone. It was special. Most people didn't get them, thought their union was kind of strange. They wondered how they handled each other. How did Michonne handle Rick's sometimes unhinged nature? They wondered what he did to break her down like she was a savage mare that needed to be domesticated. The truth was that they didn't have to handle each other. Not that he would ever tell them, but they would be surprised just how submissive she was. She gave up control often. And he knew when to fall back and listen to someone as smart as Michonne.

How did he get her? What did it take? There was a time when he wondered that because he didn't seem real that a woman like that could fall for a man like him. What it took was simple but not easy in this dangerous world. Not everyone could give her what she needed. What it took for her to love was for her to feel safe. Alexandria made her feel safe and he knew he made her feel safe. He could feel her body relax when he took her in his arms. He saw how she became visibly happy under his admiring and loving gaze.

But it wasn't always easy loving a woman like her. Not because she was the problem, but because it required a man to be damn secure in himself and what he had to offer. It took knowing he was enough for her. It was intimidating but he was up for the challenge because the prize, her love, was worth it and then some.

"What are you thinking about?" She scratched his scalp with her fingernails.

Her voice brought him back to the moment. He opened his eyes to see her smiling curiously down at him."That you could be doing something far more exciting than sitting here making sure I eat."

"Nope. My best adventures are with you."

His eyes widened and he couldn't suppress the smirk that played on his lips. "Wow."

She groaned. "Look what you do to me. I've turned into a complete sap."

"That has nothing to do with me." He smiled. It was who she was before but she was still getting used to not being that person anymore. He constantly did all he could to make her behave that way. He loved who she was just as much as who she is.

"It has everything to do with you."

"You give me far too much credit."

"No, I don't. You just don't like hearing how great you are. I, on the other hand, am very aware of my fabulousness. So feel free to always tell me." She smiled and tossed her hair behind her shoulder with a toss of her head. "But not now. Now you eat."

She held the bowl in one hand and offered a carefully measured spoon of soup to his lips.

"I can feed myself."

"I'm not doing this because I think you can't. I'm doing this because I want to." A playful look adorned her face as she mocked him. "Remember that 'let others do not because you need it but because they want to' line of thinking?"

He smiled. "I don't recall saying anything that sounded so literary but I get your point."

"Good. Stop talking and let me love you."

He did as she wanted for fear he would soon receive his own version of the authority she dished out on the street earlier. When the soup woke his taste buds all other thoughts disappeared and he was riveted by the amazing flavors that filled his mouth. "Wow, this is great."

"The wonders of simple but fresh ingredients." She placed the spoon in the bowl.

"Whoa, what is that?" He stared at the sandwich she brought to his lips.

"Grilled cheese with pimentos and a little of last night's macaroni and cheese for texture made in the waffle maker."

He bit in and it was like his eyes were connected to his taste buds the way they were connected to his dick when he slid inside her for the first time each time.

"Wow, you're amazing. No, fabulous even." He moaned that same low moan from the depths of his gut just like when he was inside her.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it. That's nothing like the grilled cheese sandwiches I grew up on."

She shrugged. "I like to experiment."

"I know." He couldn't control the cat that ate the canary grin on his face as he thought about the time right before he got sick when Carl spent a couple of days at the Hilltop with Daryl. Having the house to themselves meant sex all over the place instead of limited to their bedroom. He would never look at the stairs the same.

She rolled her eyes. "I meant in the kitchen."

"So did I." They had some fun in there too. Carl was sure they had more chocolate syrup and they did until he drizzled it all over Michonne's body. She pretended to be annoyed by his love for her body but she was just as insatiable. Her hands wandered over his body at random moments just because she wanted to feel him. She pulled him around corners and devoured his mouth out of Carl's sight. Judith was another story. She had a front row seat to many of their kisses, hugs, swats on the butt, and displays of affection.

"Eat. It's better if it's not cold." She held the grilled cheese to his lips and he took another bite.

He ate in silence as she fed him and told him about the morning events. Other than the new people doing something so stupid as not locking the gate behind themselves it was so uneventful that he believed being in here with him was the most adventure she'd had all day. Even a play-by-play of her boring morning was made interesting thanks to her unique storytelling abilities.

She leaned down and kissed on his neck. "I know what you're thinking right now," she whispered in his ear. "And it's not going to happen. You're still not at full strength."

"You're strong enough for the both of us." He settled for running his hand up and down her back. What he really wanted was to palm her ass but she was sitting on it.

"No."

"I'll compromise. We'll have sex. You can be on top and I'll let you do all the work."

At this point, the room was filled with her hearty laughter as she collapsed on top of him. Her laughter was one of the best sounds in the world. It was just as enjoyable as hearing her gasp or desperately call out his name when she was near an orgasm. Reminiscing on the way she sounded when she begged was making him stir. A cold has no effect below the waist.

"What? You're the one kissing all on my neck."

He laughter stopped and she stood up. "You're right. I couldn't help it though. You're kind of irresistible, especially with this bed head. You know what these curls do to me." She ran her hand through her hair.

She was unlike any woman he had ever known. There was no doubt about how she felt or what she was thinking. He could read her like a book and not because he was perceptive but because she was so open. He couldn't imagine there being anything about her that he didn't know.

She moved her hand to his forehead. "Your temperature broke."

"My temperature broke yesterday. Today is the one more day of rest just to make sure. I'll be out of this bed tomorrow and on that, we're not compromising." He grabbed her forearm and kissed her inner wrist. "Thanks for taking care of me."

She leaned down and kissed the corner of his mouth. "Always a pleasure."

Feelings he could barely describe emanated from his body as he watched her collect the tray and head towards their door.

She turned her head once she was at the door and looked back at him. "I'm meeting with Abraham and Aaron to talk about the next expansion then I have to meet with Olivia since she has some concerns about supplies. Hopefully, none of it takes too long and after that, I'll get Judith a little early from daycare and we'll come home."

He hated being laid up but loved that she could handle these community things without him. Her decision-making and instincts were second to none. He was amazed by her, inspired by her, and completely in love with her.


	7. Babies

**Babies**

It was Christmastime and not only did it feel like it with the cold seeping into Michonne's bones but it looked like it as well. The streets were blanketed with fluffy white snow and there were decorations throughout Alexandria including red bows on the street lamps and the red and white candy cane yardsticks from Pete and Jessie's garage. Many of the homes had artificial Christmas trees including all the homes with small children. The night before, Rick and Carl decorated their tree as she held Judith and directed their misguided attempts at proper ornament placement. There was an art to it she tried to explain to them, as they put decorations anywhere without thought. At one point they had most of the decorations lumped together on a third of the tree. The three of them were most excited about seeing this tradition through Judith's innocent eyes which lit up each time a new decoration adorned the tree. Michonne handed her a couple of ornaments to hang but after two broken balls she decided the little one was more effective with handling the tinsel.

The stability and happiness was important for the children old enough to remember the past. But the adults worked hard to build a fulfilling life for the kids in the world they now lived in. Life without television, theme parks, and shopping malls existed for societies before and those societies went on to accomplish some of the most impressive feats, far surpassing inventions created in even the 21st century. That's what they taught the kids but they found it hard to believe, even with the community school history books backing up what the adults said.

Michonne enjoyed sitting on the porch talking with Rick and Carl after dinner instead of everyone disappearing into their own secluded electronic worlds. And at the end of the day, work was done. There was no email and text intrusions of never-ending but useless tasks. To think, when she was a little girl watching _Little House on the Prairie_ re-runs she thought how miserable it must be to live such a slow-paced life.

Carl came downstairs carrying Judith "Something smells really good," he said.

"Sauteed apples. I'm making apple turnovers," she called out over her shoulder. They were lucky to have Olivia who was an expert in preserving food. She could preserve anything from herbs in olive oil in ice trays to making jerky and canning fruits and vegetables. Their refrigerators and pantries were stocked despite the brutal winter. For the most part they settled into this new, more comfortable life since their time on the road finding shelters in gas stations and barns while eating snails, worms, and squirrels. But there were moments when it seemed hard to believe, like while she was standing in a fully stocked stainless steel-clad kitchen preparing apple turnovers.

She turned to look at them just as he sat Judith on the marble island counter that reminded her of her life no more back in Atlanta. He stood before Judith with his hands on either side of her. It warmed Michonne's heart to watch him interact with Judith. The love he had for his sister was like something she had rarely seen before. Since she met Carl, it was like it was his life's mission to care for Judith and make her happy. A little boy willing to risk his life so his baby sister would know what her mother looked like was profound. Carl was beyond his years and it's why she showed him the respect he earned. She leaned back against the counter near the stove and watched him pretend to bite at her fingers. The little one giggled so much she went into a coughing fit.

Michonne put some water in a small glass, not bothering with the sippy cup they used to ween her off her bottle, and held it to her lips. But she had to be quick because once Judith had her fill she turned her head and Michonne almost poured water down Judith's clothes.

"Why does she have so many clothes on?"

"I'm taking her out to play in the snow and Aaron is gonna take pictures."

"That'll be cute. But just for a few minutes. It's cold out there."

"Okay."

Rick came downstairs loudly making his presence known which meant he was in a good mood. Lately, there was no reason not to be.

"Good morning. I can't believe I was the last to wake up." He was dressed in a blue and white plaid shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans. Michonne had the habit of checking him out from head to toe each time she saw him. She went back to the stove and gave the apples her undivided attention even though she had turned off the burner because they were done. She needed to hide the look on her face. She wasn't ready to make eye contact with him in the light of day. Every time she and Rick took their physical intimacy to another level the next morning always started with her overcoming major shyness while he smirked at her unease.

Rick sought her out first, heading to the kitchen and stealing an apple slice from the pan. She swatted at his hand but he was too quick and then she laughed as he sucked air into his mouth to cool off the apples.

"Hot. Hot."

"I could have told you that if you bothered to ask."

"In this world you take what you want," he whispered in her ear as he wrapped his arms around her waist. Then as he distracted her with his tongue sliding across her neck, he grabbed one of her breasts and massaged it nonstop.

"No," she moaned so soft she barely heard it herself. There wasn't an ounce of conviction in that command. She prided herself on being strong but he made her weak and what was worse was that he knew it. Bowing to his desires wasn't exactly a bad thing. It was a weakness she benefited from and he was the kind of man that made you want to submit. When her head fell back slightly she knew she would be headed back to bed sooner or later.

Luckily the sound of a playful Judith distracted him or more likely reminded him that the kids were never far away. In fact, they were about ten feet away but Carl didn't seem to notice the extra touches Rick gave her since their backs were to him and his focus was on his little sister.

"What are everyone's plans today?" Rick asked.

Michonne noticed he didn't have his holster on. Maybe they would have the pleasure of his company today. There were no weekends. Just some days that required less time away from home than others. But occasionally they had days that seemed like "off" days.

"Judith has a photo shoot," Michonne said.

Rick smiled. "A photo shoot?"

"Aaron is taking pictures of her in the snow."

"Nice." He grabbed Judith and walked into the living room. "You're gonna take pretty pictures, pretty girl?"

"Hey, where did these come from?" Rick asked. He was standing in front of the Christmas tree rocking Judith from side to side.

She joined them. "What?"

"These key chains." He nodded his head towards the tree.

There were four key chains each with a name hanging on the Christmas tree. There was Rick, Carl, Judith, and when she read the last name she gasped. Andre. She looked over at Rick upset with herself for showing a reaction that he obviously noticed and from the look on his face, for which he would definitely demand an explanation. Then she looked over at Carl.

He teetered from foot to foot, obviously nervous. "I put them up last night after everyone went to bed. I kept thinking he should be apart of the family too." There was apprehension all over his face. "I hope that's okay. I found them while we were on a run a few weeks ago. No one cares about key chains. Sorry, I didn't see a Michonne but I was going to make you one at the Hilltop." He didn't take a breath and she felt bad for him.

She gave him what she knew was a poor attempt of a smile but she was overcome with heartache and she could feel the tears forming no matter how hard she tried to fight it. He was such a thoughtful kid and she needed him to know she appreciated his heart even if hers was breaking at that moment.

"Who is Andre?" Rick asked.

"She…she should tell you," Carl said before he took Judith from Rick's arms and walked off and sat on the couch.

Michonne wrapped her arms around her waist and watched as Carl put the tiny purple fur-lined hooded jacket on Judith. Her mind was racing but her body was numb. She was stuck in the moment and didn't know where to go, what to do, or what to say. She only knew what she couldn't do and that was face Rick. She could feel him staring at her. That dull pang anytime she thought of her baby boy resurfaced and slowly traveled until it rested in her throat rendering her unable to speak. One foot in front of the other was the only thing her body knew to do.

Rick was right on her heels as she bolted upstairs. There was no way she was getting out of this conversation that she never wanted to have but never tried to ignore. She retreated to the safe haven of their bedroom and stood before the window to stare into the blank whiteness of the world.

"Who is Andre, Michonne?"

Her eyes closed. This moment was here and though she didn't want to talk, she couldn't lie to him. She would never lie to him. They were better than that, stronger than cheap lies. Her eyes closed when she felt his hands on her shoulders.

"My son."

"Come here." He didn't wait for her to move. He positioned her next to the bed and slowly peeled her clothes from her body. First the over-sized UVA sweatshirt that came with the house and then her bra. Next were her black yoga pants. The entire time she stared off into the distance as he undressed her with a delicate innocence only Rick could muster. Once she was bare except for her underwear, he pulled the comforter back. "Get in."

She climbed in bed and watched as he removed his shirt and pants. Somehow lying in this bed with him, her body nearly naked up against his always warm body made it easier for her to say things. She had a living breathing security blanket.

He climbed into bed and she turned her back to him so she could feel his arms pull her against him.

"Why didn't you tell me about him?"

"You have enough to worry about. I should be one less thing you worry about."

He held her tighter. "I don't want that. I don't work like that. _We_ don't work like that."

She buried her face in the pillow.

"I appreciate your concern but I don't want you holding anything in to make things easier for me. Besides, look at all the heavy lifting you've had to do with my emotional baggage and helping me with my family. Whether you like it or not I will always worry about you."

"This world changes you. Before," she shook her head and rolled her eyes dismissing the thought of before, "I would share my everything with you. But this world changes you," she finished with a mumble. "Sometimes not for the better." It was harder now for her to share her pain even with him. Talking about Andre seemed like the last frontier, maybe even the third rail.

"You can tell me your everything, anything." He lay his hand on her hip. "I want it all." He kissed her shoulder. "I want all of you. Not just the pretty side. That's not fair to you."

"And hearing my shit is fair to you?"

"Yes. It tells me you trust me and that means a lot to me, to know I've done the work to gain that trust."

She took a deep breath and told the story of her greatest loss quicker than she told Andrea and Carl, the only other people in her world that knew she was once a mother. It would do neither of them any good to prolong the story.

"I'm almost happy that it was him who had to go and not me who died. Not because it hurt less, but the thought of leaving him in this world without me to protect him is so scary. You spend your life, the time you have with your children, protecting them from all the things that could hurt them physically or emotionally. Having to leave him to fend for himself…the idea of that is a nightmare." There was silence and she wondered if she went too far in telling him how she felt. As a parent, maybe he didn't understand feeling that way. "I know how that must sound."

"You're not supposed to bury your children, that's what I heard my grandmother say anytime someone had to bury their child, but I understand what you mean. I don't think I could rest in peace if Carl and Judith were in this world without me. Not how it is now."

She let out a sigh of relief. He understood. It felt just as good to have him hold her. She forgot what it was like to have the touch of a man and then she underestimated her need for that contact after she had gone so long without it.

"Wait, that's why you don't like us going on too many dangerous missions together. If something happened to one of us then the other would be there for Carl and Judith."

He loosened his grip on her when she turned in his arms.

"That's it. Isn't it?" She ran her hand through his hair before letting it settle against the side of his face.

"Part of it."

"What's the other part?"

"Selfishness."

She frowned. "What do you mean?" When he didn't answer she ran her thumb over his lips and asked again. "Rick?"

"I don't want anything to happen to you." He read the look on her face because before she could speak he rushed to continue. "I know you're more than capable. I've lost track of the number of times you've saved me. I just don't want to lose you. I know it's ridiculous but let me have it."

"As long as you don't try to keep me home baking cookies."

"Deal." He leaned in and kissed her before she lay her head in the crook of his neck.

* * *

Was she dreaming or was it real? Michonne could feel a pull against her arms. Desperately she held on tight as she realized someone was trying to take her baby out of her arms. Before her eyes focused she grabbed her katana by the bed with one hand and held on tight to the baby with the other. She looked up to see Rick standing over her.

"It's okay," Rick said. "It's me." He had a firm grip on her wrist to prevent her from decapitating him.

"Sorry." She was embarrassed at her overreaction. Her heart was racing. She felt like it would beat out of her chest. It was her natural instinct, her gut reaction, to protect her family. However, during the abrupt end to her nap her mind thought she was protecting Andre, but it was Judith, who was still her family and the reaction to protection still just as innate.

He shook his head and smiled. "No better reaction than that one." He grabbed Judith, who was still asleep, then leaned down and kissed Michonne. "Get some sleep."

She looked toward the window. Even with the gray of the snowy day is seemed too bright to be sleeping. "What time is it?"

He looked at his watch. "Two."

"No, I've slept enough." She stretched her limbs, feeling the sleep leaving her body before sitting up. She studied him as he studied her and wondered what it was he saw now. Did he see a failed mother? Did he wonder if she did all she could to protect her son? She watched Judith sleeping in his arms. Her mind went negative. Maybe he didn't trust her with his daughter and that's why he wanted her. She shook her head. That was ridiculous. Rick trusted her with his children's lives. That was something she had no right to doubt.

"What are you thinking right now?" He laid his hand on her thigh.

The look on his face let her know he was prepared to hear something heavy so she decided not to disappoint. "I don't think in this world I could have another child. I know life didn't stop. And I know we have to try and make this world a better place but my contribution to that is loving you, Carl, and Judith."

The look on his face was priceless. She laughed. "Still want me to share?"

He smiled. "Judith and Carl are my driving force and I love that you are equally committed to them."

"Where is Carl?" They hadn't had a chance to talk since his key chains made Andre the center of attention.

"He's afraid you're upset with him. He just wanted you to be able to remember your son freely."

She needed to correct that sooner rather than later. She had ever been upset with Carl. Worried? Yes. Angry? Never. "I'm not upset with him. I love him." She looked up at Rick to see him intently focused on her. "And I love Judith too, just like I love Carl. No less."

"I know that." He frowned. "Do you think I don't?"

She held her arms out and he handed Judith to her. She cradled her in her arms so her little face was against her chest. She stared down at her. Judith brought so much joy to everyone around her and she wasn't old enough to know it. She didn't know the impact, the hope, she represented.

"At first it was hard to be around her. Seeing a baby was hard. She was the first baby I saw since I lost him. Back at the prison I was still so... I was still dealing with losing Andre. Trying to come back from that is the hardest, loneliest journey anyone can take. I guess I never talk about it because it's in people's nature to try and be understanding. But no one knows what it feels like. No one can unless they've experienced that loss." She shrugged. "I figure I can save people all that awkwardness of not knowing what to say or feeling inadequate for being unable to fix me. Because when you lose a kid you can't be fixed. Patched up maybe, but not fixed. You're never whole again. It feels like being on a pendulum. Sometimes I'm closer to that day I lost him than others."

"I don't want to say I'm sorry because I feel like that's kind of what you just said you didn't want. But I am."

"That day when the prison fell I decided I was going to live no matter what." She ran a gentle finger through Judith's hair. A smiled tugged at Michonne's lips as Judith stirred slightly and her little nose twitched. She lifted her closer and kissed her cheek holding here there so she could inhale that sweet smell of a clean baby.

"Are you sure you don't want to have another baby?"

Could she see herself having another baby? There was a part of her, deep down in her soul, that would love to hold a baby she brought into this world. She looked to Judith's peaceful face. She was enough; she was more than enough. And no number of kids would bring back Andre or fill the void that was left in her heart when he died.

Judith opened her eyes and looked up at her then snuggled against her and closed her eyes again. She looked up at Rick. "In this moment I am." As much of a planner as she was, even she knew you couldn't plan how you would feel in the future.

He grabbed the book lying in bed next to her. " _Where the Sidewalk Ends_? Wow, a blast from the past."

"We were reading _Listen to the Mustn'ts_ and I guess we both went down for a nap."

"Naps in the middle of the day, story time, Christmas trees." He shook his head. "I always hoped and dreamed..."

"You didn't just hope and dream. You worked and fought and created. We all did...together. That's why we're here."

The night Carl was shot and Rick walked out the infirmary door and into the cataclysmic scene on the streets of Alexandria, had she lost them both she didn't know how she could come back from that. Since that night she reflected on just how much they meant to her. She loved everyone from the prison and those that joined them along the way to Alexandria, but what was in this house...it was something different and special.

She remembered something her grandmother shared with her. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

She liked to think that was a perfect description for what she and Rick had. Michonne was never religious but it seemed too perfect not to remember and, though it took longer, it was better than memorizing the rule against perpetuities.

"Why don't you come down," he said. "Carol made an acorn cake." He laughed at her expression. "I know. I thought the same but I tasted a small piece. Not bad."

"Not bad isn't good."

"Good enough?" He smiled.

"I'll be right down. I'm going to put Judith in her crib and wash my face."

"I can put her to bed."

She shook her head. "No, I want to."

He smiled and she watched as he left their bedroom. She gently lay Judith on the bed and went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. When she returned not only was Judith awake but she was sitting up in the middle of the bed still solemn from just waking up from her nap.

"Hey, let's head downstairs." She smiled as Judith reached out for her. When they headed downstairs Rick and Carl were sitting on the couch. As she walked behind them she stopped long enough to kiss Carl on the top of his head. "Thank you for thinking about Andre," she whispered in his ear. She sat between them.

Carl leaned into her and whispered, "You're not mad?"

"Nope."

He visibly relaxed and offered her a piece of cake.

She took a small pinch and put it in her mouth and shrugged. "Not bad."

Judith squirmed in her arms and she looked down to see Rick tickling her. Michonne's heart was full and her life was complete for now. They were healthy, safe, and happy.


	8. Penny

_A/N: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, everyone. I'm the cliched "I hate everything I just wrote" writer so_ _I appreciate and love your comments and insight._

 _Thank you to the guest reviewer who let me know I didn't have the characters tagged. I thought I did that but I never checked after I posted the first chapter.  
_ _birdnmouse \- Wow, thanks so much for your kind words. And thanks to your friend for her recommendation.  
Makennas Hunter \- Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying my 'style'. ;) _  
_Naathsbeauty \- I'm glad you like they way I write them. I'm going to stretch what we know about them while mixing in my own ideas as we see them in different situations._

 _I have two more chapters and then I'm out of Richonne ideas. Suggestions for a one-shot? Let me know._

 **Penny**

* * *

The garden was thriving. To call it a garden was an understatement. They grew so much fruit and vegetables it reminded Michonne of the food co-op she belonged to back in Atlanta. Tomatoes, squash, asparagus, sweet corn, cucumbers, melons, peppers. The haul was endless and because of their trade system with other communities, there was also fresh milk, butter, and eggs. All the communities produced a little of everything, but they also specialized in certain areas. The meat they did have was mostly through trade with a particular community that basically created their own chicken and pig farm. Alexandria specialized in bullets and weaponry and another community even made antibiotics.

It was spring and the dirt was finally warm enough and dry enough to till the land for a new garden. Under Maggie's instructions, who was sitting off to the side in a chair under an umbrella, Michonne prepared the land with Penny and Tara so they could start growing pumpkins. She was already thinking about the pumpkin, apple, and butternut squash soup she would make for her family. Long ago she learned not to tell them what was on the plates and in the bowls she placed before them when she cooked something they weren't accustomed to. By now, they knew not to ask because she wouldn't tell the menu until after the meal was over. But they always loved it. She acknowledged after eating squirrels and snakes there was a low barrier for a meal to garner compliments but it made her smile when they enjoyed her cooking.

"They seem like a nice couple but something is definitely off with them," Penny said.

Michonne looked up to see who caught Penny's attention and caused her to stop working. She followed her line of sight to Rosita and Spencer walking down the street with their weapons. It was simple to Michonne what was off about them.

"He doesn't make her feel safe. It's hard to love a man in this world that doesn't make you feel safe," Michonne said.

Rosita may have filled her time and warmed her bed with Spencer but until he proved he could protect her he was never going to win her heart. As much as Spencer liked Rosita they just weren't meant to be. In the old world, they had little in common but that didn't mean they couldn't be a couple now — she and Rick were a testament to that. The problem was that in this new world they had even less to create a lasting bond. Though the loss of his family opened Spencer's eyes to the reality of this cruel existence, Rosita had seen so much more and carried so many demons Spencer couldn't imagine without the help of Stephen King.

It was unfortunate really because Spencer was a nice guy. It would do Rosita some good to spend time with him other than in bed. Despite not being the most valuable asset in this world, there was a charm to Spencer's old world sentiments. It helped to bring a little light to the darkness that sometimes enveloped them. It was similar to Judith's innocence.

"I suppose you're right."

Michonne poked her tongue lightly into her cheek and inhaled deeply. Keeping her opinions to herself was something Michonne was never good at. Mike called it a bad trait that she needed to work on. He told her she didn't have to say what she was thinking all the time. But letting people know how she felt about them, whether verbal or nonverbal, was something she couldn't control. Often times the facial expressions gave it away and she wasn't even aware of it. She wasn't mean, she was simply honest. Why was that a bad thing? She valued hard truths over easy lies anytime. What was currently on her mind was long overdue and she decided now was the time to set Penny straight. She stood upright supporting most of her weight on her right leg, her hand on her hip, and the other hand holding the hoe. She looked out onto the horizon. "That need to feel safe, it's why you want Rick."

"Excuse me?"

She could tell Penny was taken aback by her boldness. In fact, it knocked the wind out of the woman. Michonne could hear the rush of breath leaving Penny's body and her chest sunk in like she had been punched. She finally turned and looked at the woman making her the object of her unreadable and silent stare, not letting her off the hook as she took in Penny's reaction which she could read like a book. First, there was the shock. Then there was the struggle to look calm as she wondered what to do or say in response. And then there was the nervous laughter.

At first, she didn't want to confront Penny because she didn't want to give the appearance that she didn't trust Rick. But this was about Penny and Michonne, not Rick. She had to get her feelings out.

Michonne could tell Tara heard her comment to Penny but she kept her head down and kept working her way further and further from the two women. Meanwhile, Maggie sat in her chair and made no attempt to leave. Her sunglasses shielded her eyes but there was no doubt in Michonne's mind Maggie would be focused on every word of this interaction.

Penny could have any bachelor she wanted in the community and there was no dearth of them. The ratio was almost two men to one woman in Alexandria. She was a beautiful blonde with round green eyes that were, annoyingly, focused only on Rick. Michonne noticed it early. She figured Penny's initial attachment to Rick was because he saved her from near death due to exposure, walkers, and a lack of food while he was out on a run with Carl. She got separated from her group when they came across an aggressive herd. It made sense. But it had been three months since Penny arrived in Alexandria and she was comfortable around everyone and was a part of the community, yet her attachment to Rick only grew.

There were men far more capable of certain things like home repairs but when she needed assistance she ran to Rick. Though Rosita and Sasha were weapons instructors, it was Rick she ran to for training including hand to hand combat. When she didn't feel well, for days people implored her to head to Hilltop to see Dr. Carson but it wasn't until Rick went there did she go.

"You don't have to explain the attraction to me. Obviously, I get it." She and Rick weren't excessive with their public affection but everyone knew they were a couple. That included Penny. She was around when they had a party at the Grimes home and Rick followed Abraham into the land of excess libation. He and Michonne were on the back porch when Rick got pretty touchy and rattled on about how much he loved her and how much he wanted her before they noticed Penny in the corner.

"Michonne, I don't know what you think you know but-"

"It's dangerous to see something, to read into something that's not there. Don't take this the wrong way but you're not special...at least, not in Rick's eyes. Not like that. Rick is a caring man and he wants to be there for everyone. Don't mistake his kindness for interest."

Sometimes a look was just someone having the ability to see and sweet comments were a random combination of words. Because of his beautiful soul, it was easy to believe Rick was interested beyond basic human decency. She recalled days past when she thought she saw something in the prolonged stares Rick directed at her but she shook them off because Rick looked at most people with caring eyes and empathy.

"He's too good of a man to say anything. Actually, he's too good of a man to even notice your attempts to get his attention."

"Oh, he's noticed." She pushed her shoulders back causing her breasts to stick out in her tight gray tank top. Thanks to cut off denim shorts, the rest of her was equally exposed. The part of her most covered were her feet in a pair of black boots.

Despite her absolute trust in Rick and the solid state of their relationship, those words coupled with that smug look still gave Michonne pause. And it was the opening Penny needed. She was so full of herself that it was only a matter of time before she showed her true colors. The innocent act didn't suit her. She needed to be on top, to get the best of another person, especially if that other person was a woman. Michonne had experience with the type. Sadly, she came across a couple of women like that in the corporate world. They stepped over other women to get ahead. But most women were like Maggie, who Michonne could tell was fighting the urge to enter the fray as she crossed and uncrossed her legs.

She loved that man with everything that she was. In some ways, she knew him better than he knew himself. Sometimes she still didn't know how she got so lucky but she did and his love and affection was hers until he no longer gave it. Penny was not going to interfere with it.

"I'm not worried about you taking him from me. That would never happen." She and Rick shared everything. He shared the easy things like his bed and his fears and the hard ones, like his dreams and hopes. Opening himself up to admitting what he wanted and what could be was always harder for him than talking about the bad and his failures.

"Then why are you worried about a little competition?" Penny dropped her tool to the ground.

This is why she said something to Penny. The root of her feelings wasn't jealousy. She wasn't intimidated by Penny. Wasn't questioning her relationship. Doubting Rick's faithfulness. She was angry at Penny's lack of respect for her relationship. Relationship. That wasn't a strong enough word for what they were. She didn't have an issue with Penny being attracted to Rick, anyone that was around him and saw him in action was charmed by him, be it man or woman. Penny couldn't help being attracted but she had become inappropriate and bold, bold enough that a few women made comments to Michonne, though Michonne brushed it off as innocent even though she knew better. She didn't want to start problems and create tension in the community. It would make Penny an outsider. That wasn't necessary.

"It's not a competition, Penny. We're not filling up empty moments and passing the time with each other. We're raising kids. We're a family. He's made his decision and you'll respect it."

It was nice to know Penny could just come out and admit it. Michonne hated when people held onto a lie despite all parties knowing the truth. It was such an insult to her intelligence. She would rather a person told her they didn't like her instead of play her for stupid.

She smiled a bit before continuing. "See, I'm not going to let you make him feel guilty because he doesn't, and will never, feel for you what you feel for him."

The very best of him he gave to her and only her…willingly, and she took the bad as well. That was something Penny didn't realize; everything with Rick wasn't always sexy, powerful leader and gentle father. It took a lot of storms to get those rainbows and roses. There was a dark side of Rick that someone like Penny could never accept let alone deal with. There were times when Rick retreated to the darkest moments of his mind and he had to find himself back. All she could do was be patient and wait for him to reappear.

Penny seemed to realize threatening to try to steal another woman's man in front of other women wasn't a good idea. "Michonne." She giggled and tapped Michonne's arm. "I'm just kidding. I would never. That doesn't mean others won't try so you should be careful, but I would never."

Michonne turned her head in Maggie's direction but her eyes were firmly on Penny. "Maggie, let's take a break. You shouldn't be out here for too long." Without a word to Penny, she walked away and past Maggie, who was still sitting in her chair off to the side.

"Okay."

"Need help?"

"Nah," she said with a shake of her head. "I'm right behind you. I'll catch up."

"Tara," Michonne yelled. "Twenty. Get some water."

Tara nodded but continued. She was a bit of a stickler about things and maybe had a mild case of OCD. She wouldn't take a break until she finished the section she was working on.

Maggie was still sitting. She reminded Michonne of herself when she was pregnant. She carried Andre to full term and never wore maternity clothes. Maggie carried the baby weight all in her tummy. There was no waddling and she did a lot of walking.

Michonne kept walking but at a slow pace which made it possible for her to catch Maggie's comment to Penny.

"Your loneliness is your problem. I suggest you don't use manipulation to cure it," Maggie said.

She smiled. That Maggie was more than a farmer's daughter, though she was her father's daughter because she inherited that fire from Hershel. Michonne's heart broke over losing Hershel. Maggie's strength couldn't be denied, to lose her parents and her sister and still move forward, determined to live and bring new life into this world was the resolve of a warrior.

The unfinished house used for a storage across from the field was where Michonne decided to camp out and rest. She used a bandana to wipe her face. She leaned back on her elbows and watched Maggie walk across the street toward her.

Maggie joined her on the porch but opted for the swing. "I'm sorry about her."

They both watched as Tara walked away from the field and headed towards the direction of her house. The community lost a doctor but Tara lost love when Denise died. To lose her and have her buried and mourned while she was away was brutal. In many ways, the rest of them had grieved and got over Denise's death and that left Tara to cope with it alone even though she was surrounded by people.

Then they both seemed to watch as Penny sat under the gazebo and removed her boots and socks before lying on the bench with her legs in the air against one of the gazebo pillars.

"What a bitch. I really want to punch her in the face," Maggie said. "I don't know how you haven't."

Michonne laughed.

"She's not harmless, Michonne."

Michonne turned her body so she could lean against the rail and face Maggie. "I know."

"Rick won't take that bait."

"I know that, too." Even if they weren't in love and he was free, he wouldn't choose Penny because she reeked of desperation. She knew a man like Rick found such a quality unappealing.

"But that doesn't mean she can't cause you problems." She ran her hand over her belly. "Sometimes we can't help the feelings others' bad intentions stir inside of us. Almost like a bad chemical reaction."

"Maybe we can send her to live in another community. We'll make up some excuse so she can save face."

Michonne laughed. "You think she'd go along with that?" She shook her head. "She's not going anywhere unless Rick is there." She didn't see Penny's attraction dissipating unless someone else caught her eye, and if someone other than Rick hadn't caught her eye by now it wasn't going to happen.

"Have you talked to Rick about it?"

"There's nothing to say. She hasn't really done anything. If he asked, there would be nothing for me to point to in order to make him understand." No, she couldn't make a move too soon. There was a proper strategy to dealing with every situation she just wasn't sure what it was yet.

"Men," Maggie said with a shake of her head. "So aware of danger, so threatened by men, so clueless around a woman who relies on trickery."

Things tended to get worse before they got better. That was Michonne's opinion of Penny's future behavior. Confronting her would serve to increase Penny's taunts and Michonne's frustration but in the end, there was no doubt Penny would be on the losing end.


	9. Her

_Thanks so much for your kind words everyone. Though this isn't the follow-up to Penny, there will definitely be one posted next week and I'm about 50% done with the first draft._

 _AllForLoveAndHappiness - I'm glad you have something to look forward to on Sundays. It may not be an hour of TWD, but I hope people enjoy them. And I've added your request to the list. I'll be brainstorming._  
 _blacklitchick - Thank you for the sweet comment! To read 'beautiful' in association with one's writing is always awesome._  
 _Makennas Hunter - I think flawless is the perfect word for how Michonne handled the situation._

* * *

Abraham and Rick sat on the Grimes' front porch as the long, hot day took pity and the sun finally set. The songs of the crickets were the only sound in the air as Rick contemplated Abraham's latest question about love and life. Somehow he became Abraham's best friend. Rick understood it. Or at least he thought he did but he never bothered to gain confirmation from Abraham. There wasn't anyone else that came close to mirroring Abraham's experience. They both lost their wives, had hard times coming back from it, refused to let other's get close to them intimately, and never talked about the pain of their losses with anyone. And now, with them in new relationships that both scared the shit out of them and made them feel larger than life, they seemed to have more and more of these deep discussions on love and future.

"I never thought I would feel this way again," Rick said. "I didn't think I had a heart to give. I thought it had been torn apart." Lori and Shane's betrayal still gnawed at him from time to time. More so Shane's than Lori. Once Rick was back in the picture Lori was dedicated to him and Shane should have backed off. His true friend, his best friend didn't do that. That hurt more than anything. And on top of it all, he tried to kill him. "I thought it would be strange to feel this kind of love again."

"It doesn't have to." Abraham looked up at him from the bottom step while Rick sat at the top one.

He shook his head. "No, it doesn't and it's not." He took another swig of his beer and gave a shake of his head. He looked over at Abraham. "I've never told anyone this." And he wasn't sure why he was sharing it with Abraham of all people. "But in so many ways this is more than what I had with my wife."

He never loved Lori less, not even at their worst. It was just hard to like her at the end. And she tried to make it right, he knew she did, but it was so hard to even look at her. There was rage when she even dared to speak to him. What scared him, and he never told anyone, was to have such loathing for a woman he once cherished with all his heart. Sometimes she appeared in his dreams and thoughts and it made him wonder if his feelings for Michonne could ever sour in that way.

Was he a cold-hearted man or was that a solitary incident? A perfect storm? Could Michonne ever do anything to send him over the edge like that? No, she couldn't. He wouldn't let himself go there. He would work it out, whatever it was. He knew one thing, she was too emotionally strong to succumb to the need for another man's affection. That was part of the reason he wanted to forgive Lori. He knew she needed someone. She had never been alone and she depended on him so much. It was why she always wanted to talk, to know where his head was to make sure he never left.

"Why do you think that is?"

"What?" He looked down at Abraham.

"Why do you think it's better than with your wife?"

He shook his head before looking down, unable to meet Abraham's eyes. He didn't want to compare his dead wife to anyone. It was unfair to Lori. The environments were different. Here he was living in a seven-figure dream home surrounded by walls, a cache of weapons and able-bodied warriors who knew how to use them, food, and a bed larger than the one he and Lori had back in Kings County that he shared with Michonne each night. His last memories of Lori was in a prison with dead inmates and minimal food after a winter of barely eating. But through that all, she still protected their daughter and gave him a healthy baby.

"I don't think it's better, just more."

"Isn't more better?"

He couldn't believe he was having such a deeply personal conversation about his feelings for Michonne with anyone, let alone Abraham. "I think it's because we've been through so much together. We've worked through things together, and not just on some family budget or things like that. We've accomplished some amazing things together. She's in my heart, in my head, in my dreams, and she's definitely in my future. I feel like the worse things got, the worse the things I did got, she held on tighter. Supported me more."

"You're good together." Abraham nodded his head almost as if he was agreeing with himself. "You balance each other. And you, my friend, need that. I say this with the utmost respect because I think it's a good thing," he said as a smile played on his lips. "But you're nuts, Rick. She's not. She's fearless and badass but she's as sane as a person can be in this world. You need someone who can make you pump your brakes but still allow you to be you."

Never was he more clear of that than the plan to take over Alexandria. Threatening to put a knife to Deanna's throat? He was irrational, out of his mind back then seeing danger around every turn. Even when he was right to sense the danger, he was wrong about what it was and where it came from. His actions were the most imminent threat. It almost cost them sanctuary and the Alexandrians their peace. As well-meaning as she was, Carol was that devil on his shoulder but Michonne, she was his angel. She was common sense trying to make him understand there was another way. She saw what he couldn't see. Thank God for her and Glenn and Maggie, because he was wrong and almost lost his son because of it. Yes, the Alexandrians needed to be protected. Protected from themselves and their idealized notions, but they didn't need weapons to do that.

"She was your wife long before you were bumping uglies." Abraham had the good sense to look embarrassed. "I mean before you made it official."

"It's not official." Abraham typically didn't go there with the one-liners when he spoke of Rick's relationship with Michonne. Abraham was the only person he talked about his relationship with. But he was sure it was a fun topic for the rest of the group when he and Michonne weren't around. He didn't blame them for being shocked by it all. It blew him away too.

"I don't mean with papers and ceremonies. I mean before you got together. When we were out there it was obvious to anyone with eyes she was your work wife."

Rick frowned. "A what?"

"You've never had a work wife? That woman that takes care of you the way a wife would at home. Has your back when you don't even know it's exposed. Defends you when you're not around. I had one at Fort Sam Houston. Sergeant Monica Ford. It initially started because we had the same last name. But I noticed she was on her shit. Kept me squared away."

Rick shrugged wondering if he was just behind the times or this was some Abraham thing that only made sense in his fire red head. There were only a few women at the sheriff's station. He rememered Thelma Lou, the dispatcher, and Donna who was married with two kids and handled a lot of paperwork.

"Is that what Rosita was when you guys were out there? Your work wife?"

The mention of Rosita seemed to have the opposite effect of saying Sasha. Abraham was over the top but Rick knew that bombastic nature was hiding a soft heart. There was no way he felt okay about hurting her. And what made it bad for everyone was that she still wasn't over it.

"I suppose so," he said softly. "Sometimes the best right-hand man you can have is a woman." He wasn't going to dwell on that feeling of guilt over Rosita, at least not now. "They're not nearly as sensitive as us men. And boy, do they like to give it straight with no chaser. You need that when you're in the middle of a shitstorm."

Rick nodded absently. He watched a butterfly float around and land on the staircase. Since Alexandria, after Carl's injury, once he changed for the better by admitting he was wrong, he began to see signs of life he never stopped to notice before. Like that butterfly and flowers.

"I feel like I can do anything with Michonne by my side."

"With Sasha, I feel like together we could move mountains. She's not along for the ride following along as I always take the lead. And she calls me on my shit. Something she and Michonne have in common."

He couldn't think of a woman who didn't speak her mind. Tara, Carol, Maggie, hell, he even heard Enid speak without caution.

"Anyone with eyes could see, huh?"

He pulled out a cigar and shoved it in his mouth and talked out of one side of his mouth as he held the cigar in place between his lips as he fished for a lighter. "Eugene called it first when we met you guys. Not that you were a couple but the way you had each other's backs. When one of you spoke, the other was the first to speak up and agree." He laughed. "Eugene said in order to get to you anyone would need to have Michonne on their side. That was never more true than at the church. I mean, when we were at padre's church and I wanted to keep going and she didn't, you didn't hesitate to agree with her."

"It doesn't take long to connect with someone now when you think alike and your goals are similar."

"What are your goals beyond survival?"

There should be an answer ready to be said when this question dropped in his lap. But he didn't have one. He wanted the kids to be safe and happy. That's usually as far as his thoughts carried him in this life.

"We have a priest, a church, and witnesses."

"Whoa, slow down." Rick laughed uncomfortably.

"Why? Life is short. What are you waiting for? Some magic sign? She's saved your ass a few times. Your kids' asses. It didn't go unnoticed she held your family together when we first got here and your mind was on other things. That's small potatoes in your eyes?"

"No, of course not. We've never talked like that."He drank more, this time taking a longer drink. "Hell, is it even necessary anymore?"

"It wasn't _necessary_ before. You waiting for a better prize?"

"Of course not." He laughed just the slightest. "You think she's going to move in with someone else? Besides, a ring doesn't mean anything."

"Maybe it doesn't mean anything at the end, but it means everything in the beginning."

What did he want? When he thought about the future, and she was definitely in it, what did he see? He saw safety, happiness, family. He never thought about titles. She didn't either. She wasn't married before the end and from everything she said it wasn't a desire she had. One thing he knew for sure was he could no longer see his life without her in it.

"Tell me that's not a beautiful sight." Abraham pointed down the street.

Rick looked up to see Michonne walking down the street with Carl pushing Judith's stroller. The little one learned to wave and was waving at everything in her path, including trees. Michonne and Carl were carrying on a conversation and when they both laughed he swore he could feel his heart swell.

Once they neared the house Michonne took the stroller and maneuvered it onto on the curb and headed up the short sidewalk to the porch. Carl kept walking.

"Where's he headed?" Rick asked as he collapsed the stroller and carried it onto the porch as Michonne held Judith.

"Tobin told him he would show him how the cisterns and grids work."

He kissed Judith and when she giggled he kissed her a few more times. He looked up and saw Michonne smiling at Judith's happiness. Without thought, he leaned in slightly more and kissed Michonne's cheek. She turned her head. He smiled at her expression sure that his face had the same expression of surprise. They had never kissed in front of anyone except the kids. After everything he shared with Abraham, it seemed foolish to deny himself what he was feeling at the moment so he pressed his lips against hers. Instantly, the kiss deepened and when he moaned it woke them both from the trance they were in. One that made them forget Abraham and even Judith existed.

"Not in front of Judith. Where's your self-control?" He pulled back.

Michonne shook her head and headed towards the door. "Okay, Richard Cranium."

"What?"

Abraham laughed. "Good one, First Lady."

Michonne smirked at Abraham and walked in the house.

"What?" Rick asked again, turning his attention back to Abraham.

"She just called you a dickhead. I like that lady more and more."

Rick shook his head. "You're rubbing off on her." Michonne spent as much time with Abraham as she did with Daryl and Glenn. He always assumed it started with Sasha since the two women were close, but it became more than that. Michonne and Abraham had more in common than not so it made sense.

Abraham leaned back and puffed on his cigar, chest puffed out.

"That's not a compliment." Still, he couldn't help but crack a smile.


	10. An Understanding

They were on Morgan Street where an impromptu block party broke out minus the loud music. There were still walkers. And loud sounds still attracted them. They may have a secure community but danger remained. There were still games and the kids ran around laughing. That was the best sight and sound. Quiet unnerved Rick. Made him suspicious. And frankly, dangerous. When the world stopped screaming and trying to kill them, it was nice to realize and embrace what he had with Michonne. But as time moved on the quiet did it's usual number on him from time to time. When he was in his head the paranoia and demons appeared. His restlessness required him to have five balls in the air. And they needed to be on had to always be doing something.

"All that practice is paying off," he said to Michonne as he watched Judith take slow spastic steps toward Sasha while Carl, always the protective big brother, hovered over her ready to save her from a fall. He couldn't be more proud of the young man his son grew to be. He had been through so much, more than any kid should have to deal with but he was as stable and normal as possible.

When he failed to hear a giggle or the usual sappy sigh from her anytime Judith did anything remotely cute he turned to see a bitter look on her face. That wasn't what he expected. She wasn't looking at Judith. He directed his attention to where she was focused and noticed Penny walking their way with a plate and cup in her hand.

"The look on your face isn't very nice," Rick said to her bumping her with his shoulder in case words once again failed to catch her attention, hoping it wasn't what he thought it was.

"The look on my face is a direct result of what I'm looking at."

He frowned and licked his lips. "You have a problem with Penny?" He shifted his weight onto the leg farthest from her and studied her profile as she stared intently.

Before she could respond, which was probably best for Rick, Penny was a few steps away and their conversation would have to wait. She stood before Rick with a smile on her face. She was a nice girl. Always helpful. From the moment he brought her to Alexandria, she was an asset. Always volunteering for errands to the neighboring communities, projects inside the walls, and even taught the kids once when one of the regular teachers was sick.

"Hi, Rick." She offered the plate to him. "I grabbed something for you. Gotta keep you fed. We need you strong."

This wasn't the first time Penny took it upon herself to take care of him or had even prepared food for him but after the comment Michonne just made he wasn't feeling good about this moment.

In an instant, he saw a hand flash before him and knock the plate out of her hands. Food splattered on the ground and on both his and Penny's boots. He looked at the guilty party. Michonne was stone-faced. Her legs spread apart as if ready to make a move. Now, instead of Penny, he was the focus of her piercing glare. The intensity shook him. She never looked at him like that, not even during their rough beginning as strangers back at the prison. His heart beat just a bit faster and it became a little harder to breathe.

"Um, Michonne? Did I do something wrong?" Penny looked between Rick and Michonne with a lost look on her face. She looked near tears. Bottom lip trembled. A flush crept across her cheeks. After taking a couple of steps back she twisted the bottom of her T-shirt in her hands.

Rick didn't blame her for being nervous. He felt he needed to be ready for whatever would happen next.

"I was going to bring you something as well. I just couldn't carry two of everything."

"Don't talk to me." Her voice was low and steely.

Michonne looked ready to attack. Never the diplomatic one, she handled her problems with her sword and an equally sharp tongue, but he never saw her go off on one of their own. The last time he saw that look on her face she pulled her sword on Merle.

"Rick," Penny attempted to get somewhere by talking to him.

"Don't talk to him either."

"I'm sorry about that, Penny. Excuse us." He grabbed Michonne's arm and led her away. He could feel the scowl on his face. He bit down so hard on his bottom lip to prevent himself from saying anything to her in public that he feared he would draw blood. But this was a conversation to be had in private. It was one thing to disagree in front of others about something that involved the community, but they didn't allow anyone a look inside their intimate relationship. Neither of them said anything until they made it back to their empty home.

"What? Say what you're going to say." She headed to the living room and began picking up Judith's toys strewn about the floor. "Oh, and don't ever apologize for me."

Her voice was calm. You couldn't tell by the sound of her voice she was upset but her body language and facial expressions always gave her away. That stoic demeanor was intimidating because you felt like you were dealing with an animal ready to pounce when least expected.

"What was that about? It wasn't very mature." He braced himself on the back of the couch.

"Don't lecture me on maturity. You're the king of petty."

"Excuse me?" He stretched his eyes and waited for an explanation.

"How you treated Gabriel after Reg and Pete died?" She glanced at him. "Petty."

"Fine. Whatever. That was back there, it wasn't about food."

"No, it was about her and her bullshit. I'm over it and I'm over you being clueless."

"I'm not clueless." He walked around the couch and began to help her clean up by picking up the colorful plastic blocks. But then he became distracted by stacking them on the trunk that served as a coffee table. "You didn't have to do that. I had Penny under control."

She was bent over when he said that and it was like her back gave out and she was unable to stand upright. It was like she was frozen. "What do you mean you had Penny under control?"

What _did_ he mean? He wasn't sure if that was true but he had been trying.

"She's lonely. She doesn't know anyone." He sat down on the couch.

At first he didn't realize it. It never crossed his mind she was flirting with him, not until Carol told him to be careful around her. According to Carol, he was unwittingly leading her on. Being nice was leading her on? Even at the end of the world the rules between men and women was just as confusing. He thought Carol was crazy and then he thought everything Penny and every woman he wasn't on the road with was flirting till it got to where he couldn't tell anymore.

Instead of standing she sat down. It was more like collapsing as there was nothing graceful about the way she went down. It was like a sack of potatoes. "You knew."

"Not at first." Was it possible to be less emotive than stoic? Was she sad? Would she cry? He couldn't take that. Not her tears.

"When did you figure it out?" Her voice was soft.

"About a month ago."

"A month," she said with a shake of his head. "No wonder she liked to rub it in my face. There's that arrogance again." There was a flash of anger as she glared at him over her shoulder.

"Arrogance? You think I'm arrogant?" She had called him on his shit, even knocked him out but nothing felt like more of a slap in the face than that. He tried to do the right thing, the right thing by everyone he was responsible for. It was hard and he felt like a failure often but he didn't think highly of himself. In fact, it was the opposite.

"You think you're not? Arrogant is thinking the kid whose father you killed would like you. That you could slide in and be his father figure."

"That has nothing to do with this."

"What is _this_?"

"It's an innocent crush."

"It's not an innocent crush. It's a threat to our relationship."

"Don't be silly."

"Don't be obtuse. You know it's more than that. Carl had an innocent crush on Beth. Beth had an innocent crush on you. A woman who looks like that and behaves like that is not innocent. Why welcome that into our lives?"

"You're making something out of nothing. I never thought you'd be the nagging type." He muttered, "Just like Lori."

"Here's what you're not going to do. You're not going to invalidate my feelings with some preemptive accusations of nagging and comparisons to your wife. You're not going to silence me by making me doubt myself. My gut is spot on and you of all people know that. Don't act like it's not because you're in the cross hairs."

"That's not what I'm doing." He leaned forward bracing his elbows on his knees. "I'm just trying to explain-"

"Explain my feelings to me?"

He sighed. Nothing he said was going to get through to her in that moment. She was angry, even if she was composed. He was sure everything he said would be met with opposition no matter how valid.

"Look, I know you can get emotional..."

She laughed but she wasn't amused. It was the 'you're a jackass' laugh all women were born with.

"Emotional?" She shook her head. "That's funny coming from you, the most emotional person I know." She absently tossed a stray block on the couch next to him. "I'm not some jealous lunatic. I'm letting you know how I feel. I expect you to respect my feelings even if you don't agree."

He went on supply runs with women, stayed for days at a time at Hilltop and other communities, all which had their share of women, and she never mentioned it, doubted him, or worried. At least, not that he knew of. He had many opportunities and she never confronted him like now. Maybe he should give her the benefit of the doubt that her concerns were based on something more than jealousy.

He sighed and held his hands up, palms toward the ceiling. He was offering her whatever she wanted from him to make this right. "So what do you want from me? How can I fix this?"

"Stay away from her."

"She lives sixty seconds away." He shook his head.

"Is she worth it?"

"I have to choose between you and being nice to women?"

"Not women and not being nice. Penny." She frowned at him. Frowned at him like he was a stranger.

"What?"

She tilted her head to one side. "What is it, Rick? Is life too good now?" She stood but created distance between them by moving closer to the kitchen. Now his back was to her.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"The communities are working together, there is a system for thriving, the walls are secure, and there is food to eat. Too boring? I got news for you. All the damsels in distress are dead. The only women left are smarter than you give them credit for."

Was that what she thought he needed? A weak woman to save like it would give him an adrenaline rush or feed his ego? He brought back more men than women. She knew better.

"We're in the same community. It's hard to ignore her."

"I would die for you so you can do this for me."

His eyes widened and he was angry. Angry with her. That never happened. She never gave him a reason to not since she first arrived at the prison. Maybe he got annoyed when she overruled him but he always understood her point of view. But not this time. "That's unfair. It fact, it's utter bullshit. That goes both ways. Don't ever make it seem like this is one-sided." He didn't realize how loud he was until he stopped talking.

"I need some air." She bypassed the couch and headed for the door.

"You're not going anywhere." He walked over and blocked her path to the door.

"Move out of my way." She looked him over.

"Look, I'm sorry. Just don't go. Will you stop, please? You can't leave."

She maneuvered around him. His instinct was to grab her arm so she wouldn't get away but that would be a mistake to do to any woman, especially Michonne. Instead, he watched her walk out the door.

He remained standing in the middle of the room feeling like a real asshole. He got it but not really. Penny was a woman but she wasn't the other woman. How could he make her see she had nothing to worry about?

* * *

The house was quiet. Still. Carl took Judith to his room with him that. She was still full of energy, not a sign of sleep on her. Besides, she amused Carl just as much as he amused her. Meanwhile, he was lonely. Michonne had been gone for hours and when she returned she didn't come to bed. It didn't take long to know their home like the back of his hand and he could navigate every inch of it in the dark like he did on his search for her. He found her in her old bedroom downstairs. There was no way he would sleep without her. He didn't care how upset she was. He would toss and turn in the sheets sleepless if he couldn't feel her body near or reach out to touch her. That's what happened the few times they were separated because of overnight runs and missions. No way he would suffer through that when she was under the same roof.

"Are you awake?" He stood in the doorway barefoot and shirtless in a pair of pajama pants. She seized the top for herself. He loved watching her walk around their bedroom in it or sit on the bed in it while she applied lotion to those lean legs he was now imagining wrapped around him. Thoughts of her distracted him so quickly.

She turned her body so her back was no longer to him. "No."

Part of him was happy she was awake. She couldn't sleep either. Made him feel a little better to know he wasn't suffering alone. This was the first fight of their relationship and he was desperate for it to end quickly.

It was unbelievable that at one point in this relationship he had his doubts. Was this smart? What if it didn't work out and it fractured the group forever? Was it worth that? Was it love? The love you made a life with, that created a future? He didn't doubt it on the couch that first night. Not for one moment because it felt so right and so good. In fact, it was weeks before he stopped to think instead of relying on his feelings of joy and ease. Everything felt better when they became one and it became clear there was nothing to fear. This happiness, this completeness had been in front of him this entire time.

He stood next to the bed, eager to join her but afraid of rejection.

"Why can't you keep your distance? Is she more than a neighbor?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you close? Friends? Have some deep mutual experience? A bond I don't know about?"

"No, it's nothing like that."

"Then, what?" The anguish was apparent in her voice. Her vulnerability made him feel dismal. All his life he waited to feel what he had with her, to have what he had with her. He survived this world so he could know her and now he was hurting her. Shit. All she wanted was some insight.

"I felt like you were telling me you don't trust me. I would never betray you in that way and in my mind, by telling me to stay away from her you were saying you don't trust me. I got defensive." He stepped closer to the bed and placed his hand on his chest. "And I'm sorry for that."

She lifted the sheets and he smiled as he joined her and positioned himself until he was so close they could feel each other's breath on their faces. She threw her leg over his. He lay his hand on her hip.

"It's not about you. I trust you. It's her and how she acts. You continuing to be her friend is like rewarding her and also saying my concerns are figments of my imagination."

"You matter. You're everything."

She placed her palm against his cheek. "It has to be us and this family before anyone. She's not more important than this." When he didn't respond she continued. "There is an entire community here to help her and keep her safe. She's not alone. Not everyone is your responsibility."

He nodded. She was right. Penny couldn't be his responsibility. He had a responsibility to his family. His relationship. His heart and hers. The look on her face made him wish he could kiss away his stupidity for ever making her feel he didn't respect her feelings. He leaned in and kissed her. It was like he wanted to clear the slate with his tongue as he took her mouth. Use his tongue and his lips to fill her head with his every assurance that he was going nowhere.

As the kiss grew in passion their bodies were drawn together like magnets. Their bodies grinded and they rolled until she was on top of him. One of his hands was at the small of her back while the other cupped just below her ass as he tried to pull her closer against him. They soon became breathless as her head fell to the side of his. He wasn't delusional enough to believe their life would be nothing but watching the kids grow and great sex but what he wanted for them was more happy than anger and sadness. More good than bad. More tomorrows than yesterdays.

"Have you ever been cheated on," he asked. The thought just popped in his head almost as quick as it tumbled out of his mouth.

She grunted. "It would be easier to count the times I haven't."

He had to tread ever so lightly. "You don't think that's some of your feelings about Penny?"

"Nope." She rolled off of him and lay on her side. Her hand was on his stomach.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because with the others, it never surprised me. I almost expected it. But with you, I can't imagine. Not you."

"I'm not perfect."

"No you're not, but it's not about perfection. It's about your integrity and that, I would never question. To be a great man in this world shows me exactly who you are. Sorry I made you feel I didn't trust you."

"Sorry for being insensitive. For not thinking of how Penny's feelings affected yours."

She ran her hands through his hair and all felt right. They were back on track.

"You were pretty aggressive." He laughed thinking back to when she slapped the food out of Penny's hand.

"I'm a woman in love. It was a natural reaction. All my reactions are instinct when it comes to you, Carl, and Judith."

He rolled on to of her. "I love you."

"Let's go back to our room." She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. Her mind and body were not on the same page.

He kept her pinned between his body and the bed. There was only one way this night could end. "I think it's better if we stay down here."

* * *

Shaded by the line of maple trees, he held her face in his hands and leaned into her. "I don't think we'll be missed for a few minutes." He followed up with a kiss so deep and passionate it was the type reserved for when they were alone behind closed doors. They were both caught up. He could hear their moans mingle in the air.

She pulled back, breath heavy and chest heaving. "What brought that on?"

"Nothing. It's been there. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning." It was too tired this morning to pick up where they left off last night but by this afternoon all his energy was back.

Her smile faded and she pulled back. "Looks like that great idea of yours needs to be put on hold."

He turned his head and immediately saw what she did. Penny was headed their way. "Will you let me handle this alone, please?"

She nodded.

He stood and walked toward Penny.

She rolled her eyes and stretched out her arms in surrender. "Rick, I wasn't coming to see you. I just want to go home. I can't hear anything else. I got an earful from Michonne a couple of weeks ago and now Maggie and Sasha," she said as she looked back momentarily before turning back in his direction, "just read me the riot act over you and Michonne."

An earful from Michonne? What did Michonne say to her? She never mentioned that when they spoke of Penny yesterday. He looked over to see Sasha and Maggie staring at them and they didn't turn away when he noticed them. Maggie had her arms crossed. Sasha had her hand on her hips. There was no shyness with them. He was thankful Michonne was nearby. That was probably the only thing preventing them from coming over to interrupt his talk with Penny. But he did feel bad that Penny would probably become an outcast from his core group.

"Everyone has made it quite clear that I'm not wanted around here."

"Penny, that's not true. Alexandria is your home." He held his head down, almost embarrassed that this was necessary. "I came over here ready to make it clear to you that nothing could happen between us, no matter how I had to do it." Now he felt bad for her. She looked like she had been through the ringer and he didn't want to make her feel as if he were piling on. "But I'm not going to do that. I'm sorry you're feeling attacked but I have to say this because I think you need to hear it from me more than anyone else."

She sighed deeply and nodded her head. He was aware of her constant eye contact. She always looked him in his eyes but now she looked past him. There had to be a mixture of embarrassment and sadness. She stood more than a couple feet away at a safe distance. Though she didn't look at Michonne, she cut her eyes in that direction. This woman was intimidated and visibly shook. Between Michonne, Sasha, and Maggie it was understandable.

"I love Michonne."

She nodded. "I know...your kids-"

"It's not about the kids. My love for her is about her. Her love for my kids is simply an example of what it is about _her_ that I love. We've fought together. We've lost together. We owe our lives to each other."

He wouldn't tell her he was flattered by her interest because he wasn't. Other women's desire for him meant nothing. Until arriving in Alexandria, he didn't feel like someone to be desired in that way. He was Rick. The leader, the father, the friend, the enemy, even the fuck up.

"There is no one in this world I want to be with but her. No one else has a chance." He looked down at the ground then back up at her. "No one. You're a nice person but I don't want to be with you."

"I get it. Is that all?" She looked away.

He wasn't sure if his few words were enough. He needed her to understand there wasn't a chance in hell. But he could tell she wanted to escape and he didn't want to be a complete asshole. He had a feeling she had enough straight talk. He nodded and stepped to the side and out of her way watching as she walked with a purpose and didn't look back. She didn't even say goodbye.

There was an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach as he rejoined Michonne. Shane always told him he was too much of a bleeding heart to be a cop. That he was more suited as a school resource officer. He didn't think kindness should be seen as a weakness. Not until he had to kill his best friend. That's really when the world first started to change for him beyond the existence of walkers. Nothing before that seemed different. Even killing those two men in the bar with Hershel and Glenn wasn't strange. Being a cop, he saw the horrible things people did all the time. That was necessary. There were some things he did that, when he looked in the mirror, he saw he wasn't just that nice guy anymore. He was more complicated. It wasn't a good thing or a bad thing. It was just the way it was. The way he had to be.

When Michonne stretched out her arms to him he pulled her to her feet. "I have to admit I feel sorry for her," he said.

"I don't."

"Michonne."

"Rick, society lied and told us girls were sugar and spice, all things nice." She shook her head and shrugged. "That's not true. If there is one thing this new world should have taught you if you didn't already know it's that women are dark and wicked. We're devious and capable of far more menacing things than we're given credit for." She placed her hand on his shoulder. "She won't stop. She'll think you can be friends but that's not possible because everything she likes about you, you'll still be. The difference is you'll catch her making comments, flirting. You'll see it sooner now."

"Yeah, I should keep my distance." He stepped closer and noticed the hitch in her breath. He had to admit, he loved the reaction his body against hers caused. "I'll have Rosita finish training her."

"Good. Best to play it safe. I'm going to see what Sasha and Maggie want. They're waving me over."

He chuckled. "That's going to be fun. Remind them I'm a good guy. Don't let them slander me too much, huh?"

"What?" She smiled, her face crinkled with wonder.

"You'll see soon enough."

She nodded and touched his thigh as she walked past him. He turned and watched her. She was definitely worth more than one woman, a Penny no less. He smiled.


	11. Babysitters

_**A/N: This is dedicated to AllForLoveandHappiness who requested this. I hope you like it. Also, this is the last entry until I think of more one-shots or I receive a prompt. You can leave it in a review, message me or let me know on Tumblr (same username). Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter. You guys are hilarious.**_

* * *

"He'll be fine. I promise." Michonne stood in their living room with her arms out waiting to receive baby Hershel. So far Maggie, with Glenn beside her almost shielding their son from anyone's reach, wasn't ready to let go. He was three months old and it would be the first time he spent the night without one of his parents. In fact, it would be two nights. Rick and Michonne already placed a bet on how long they would actually get to babysit before the new parents gave in and collected their only child. Two nights in a row was a long time for Maggie and Glenn.

"I don't know," Glenn said. "He's been a little fussy."

"You know, Michonne, Carl and I have some experience in taking care of a baby." Rick smirked. "What are we going to do in two days? Ruin his chances of getting into Harvard?"

Judith took that moment to run into the couch and fall back on her butt. Rick and Michonne thought it was funny but Glenn and Maggie? Not so much. In fact, Maggie's grip on Hershel tightened if Rick was seeing things correctly.

"Give me Hershel."

Michonne took the tone his mother often took with Lori when, as a new mother, she didn't know how to calm a crying Carl. Lori thought every cry necessitated a trip to the emergency room. He was pretty sure he saw the gleam of a tear in Maggie's eyes as she placed Hershel in Michonne's arms. When he cried, Michonne had to back away to prevent Maggie from taking him back.

"I promise, Maggie." Michonne's voice was gentle. She rubbed his back and bounced him. Soon enough, his cry was more of a soft whimper.

She had that effect. Judith liked being in her arms as well. Maybe there was something about women that calmed babies. He understood it. Being wrapped in a woman's arms always made him feel better too.

Rick knew the anxiety, especially in this world, of saying goodbye to your child. He never knew if the last look would indeed be the last. When he woke up the morning the prison fell he didn't think the day would end with getting separated from Judith. So even though Glenn and Maggie would still be a minute away from Hershel, he sympathized.

"You're down the street. You're not leaving the state or going on a dangerous mission." He stepped closer to Michonne. "He's our family. We love him."

That seemed to put Maggie at ease. She released a breath and smiled. "We trust you Rick. And you too, Michonne. Are we being ridiculous?"

"You're being parents. It can make you grounded and nuts at the same time. You just gotta find the balance." Rick smiled. "You guys need a couple of days alone."

Glenn shook his head. "I feel selfish. You guys don't leave Judith with other people."

"We have Carl who does more than his share of helping out," Michonne said.

He knew for a fact she wished they could be around more to give Carl more time to himself or with Edith and the other teens. With this relatively stable life, they wanted more than ever to give Carl some time to be carefree whenever the opportunity presented itself. But one of the detriments of Carl growing up too fast was that he didn't know how to be a kid.

He watched as Glenn and Maggie kissed Hershel and begrudgingly left. He closed the door behind them and smiled at Michonne.

"They'll be okay," she said.

"You think they'll stay away for two days?"

"I didn't say that." She walked to the couch and bounced Hershel on her knee.

When he sat down next to them Judith climbed in his lap and stared over at Hershel. She was always amused by him but he didn't do enough yet to hold her attention so her focus moved on fairly quick whenever she was around him.

"Say hi to Hershel."

She waved and said hi. They spent a lot of time talking to her and identifying things to her in order to build her vocabulary. Michonne despised baby talk so they talked to Judith like she was already thirty, something he was sure would come back to bite them in the ass some time down the road.

"What do you want to do today Hershel? Want to go for a walk? Play with Judith?"

"It's pretty warm," Rick said. "How about a swim?"

"Perfect." She stood. "I'll get the kids ready. Come on Judith."

Without hesitation, she climbed off Rick's lap and followed Michonne.

Rick set up the kiddie pool in the backyard. It was half-filled; more than enough for Judith and Hershel to have fun. He remembered teaching Carl to swim in the city pool unlike when his father tossed him and his brother in a lake and told them to sink or swim. He and Daryl found a couple of lakes during their numerous runs that would be perfect for teaching Judith to swim. They took some time to test out the waters as a reward for their hard work while they were out there. He wished he felt like outside the walls were safe enough that one day he could take Judith. The thought of a family picnic by the lake and swimming seemed so normal it felt like a dream destined to never come true.

Michonne walked down the steps of the back porch with a shirtless Hershel on one hip and Judith on the other. He didn't know how she did that.

"Judith can walk."

Judith hid her face in Michonne's neck. His daughter was such a ham.

"She's fine just where she is." But once they made it down the steps she put Judith down and his daughter made a beeline for the pool.

She was dressed in a blue and white bathing suit with a little skirt attached. They found a baby boutique on a run and cleared out the place. Most people had no need for baby clothes back then when they came across the place. Judith and Hershel were the best dressed people in Alexandria and it wasn't close. None of the clothes fit any of the other kids who were much older.

Rick lifted her in gently but she wasn't interested in gentle at all. She was a wild child, jumping head first full speed ahead into everything with little regard for her safety. It's why he didn't trust her in the hands of anyone who wasn't capable. He didn't have time to step back even a little before she started splashing. At first, there were drops and spray, before long his gray shirt was soaked.

"We're painting her nails now?" Her toes and fingers were adorned with bright pink polish.

"Courtesy of Rosita." She held Hershel on the other side of the pool, away from Judith's splashing.

He grunted. He definitely didn't approve.

"It's just a little nail polish, Rick."

"She's not even two."

"Don't worry, she's not growing up too fast before your eyes."

Funny, when he saw that nail polish she instantly looked five years old instead of twenty-one months. What would the world be like when she was older? Before the turn a father worried about his daughter dating, now it was worse. They were basically living in a war zone and the female body was a spoil of war much like material things.

"Hey," Michonne interrupted his thoughts. "Whatever you're thinking, don't. I can see it all over your face. Whatever it is, it's bad. Not now, okay?" She glanced at the babies.

He nodded. She could always read him. It was mostly a good thing but sometimes he resented her hypersensitivity to his every emotion. It felt like not being able to be alone with his thoughts when she was around. He looked up at her to be greeted with a shrug and a smile. Shit.

* * *

Michonne appeared from the master bathroom and leaned against the doorway, watching Rick in bed with the babies. He was sitting up and against the headboard cradling Hershel in his arms as Judith rolled around on the bed with a stuffed toy caterpillar in her hands. She smiled as Rick hummed something as he rocked Hershel. He had a gentle touch as he ran his fingers through Hershel's sparse hair.

Rick looked up. "Hey."

"Hi."

His eyes scanned her from head to toe. She was in an over-sized T-shirt and black leggings. She grinned and let him have his look. He was never shy about checking her out when they were in the privacy of their own home. And she enjoyed it. Regular showers, clean clothes, toothpaste, and lotion all made her feel human. But it was his admiring stares that made the difference. She felt like a woman, a beautiful woman, a desired woman.

"There's room for one more."

She walked across the room and climbed into bed. Hershel had a tight grip on Rick's shirt. She stared at them.

"You want to hold him?"

"He looks pretty comfortable where he is. You're good with him." Rick could be cold. He could be vicious. He turned deadly without hesitation when the moment called for it. But he was also kind and gentle. He was empathetic and magnanimous.

"I always wanted kids. I wanted to teach my sons to play baseball and spoil my little girls rotten."

She didn't bother to mention he could teach his daughters sports too. Even in this world where he slayed monsters alongside women, he would forever have this image of women as the fairer, gentler sex. She watched Judith near the foot of the bed.

"I didn't want to be a mother. I was way too selfish to want to be a parent but when Andre was born it was like magic. I feared the entire pregnancy that I wouldn't be a good mom. That I wouldn't love him and he would feel that and not love me back. But it was like some crappy cliche movie."

"You saw him and it was instant love?"

"Not quite. It took a couple of months but once I felt that love it never faded. Not even till this moment. There was something about knowing I had the ability to shape someone to be a beautiful soul. The promise of that was overwhelming. I took that responsibility seriously."

"I wanted a house full but it never worked out that way." He stared down at Hershel.

"The world is different. It caused the end of a lot of dreams." She slid closer to him and gripped the back of his neck.

"Destined to not work out that way long before the world changed." He glanced her way before looking at Judith.

The eyes always gave away the mind's thoughts. She figured he was talking about his marriage. That was a topic they rarely discussed. Carl said she would have liked his mom but part of her always wondered. Wondered if she could like someone that ever hurt this man she loved. It wasn't fair to Lori to judge her. She thought she lost her husband, leaving her to raise a child in this screwed up world. It couldn't have been easy. Rick wasn't perfect but still, she wondered.

"Do you want to have a baby with me?" She asked.

"What?"

"I feel like slowly we've been heading toward this conversation, Rick. So let's have it."

"I love seeing you with a baby in your arms. You look so natural. You're great with Carl and Judith. But maybe not. Maybe it's not a good idea."

"Why? Because you don't want another child or because you're afraid I'll die or the baby will be one more person you could lose?"

He shrugged. "All of that. None of it. I don't know. I want it but I feel like I shouldn't. Maybe I've been too lucky for too long. Seeing Maggie lose her father and then Beth. Daryl lost his brother. Carol lost Sophia and then Mika and Lizzy. Sasha lost Bob and Tyreese. Noah lost his family. Spencer lost his. But I found Judith after I thought I lost her and my boy is alive by some miracle."

"You think you've hit your happiness quota?"

"Maybe it's not about me. You lost so much. Do you want to have a baby?"

"If I said yes? You would be on board with that?" She shrugged. "I can't replace him."

"I would...be on board. Whatever you want to do."

"Why is it just about me? Because I lost my son and you have Carl and Judith?"

"I guess." He reached out and held her hand. "But you're wrong, _we_ have Carl and Judith."

She felt a tightening in her chest. She long ago suppressed her emotions and she became so accustomed to it that she didn't think she could feel again. But he brought out emotions with every look and every word. They stared at each other, their eye contact was always strong, and neither blinked. Everything she noticed in him she noticed about herself at the moment. They mirrored each other as they both took deep, savoring breaths. Their lips parted.

They had this moment many times and it resulted in naked, sweaty bodies wrapped around each other. Not this time. This time there were babies, one of which, was asleep in Rick's arms.

"He's down for the count."

Rick didn't break his gaze. He continued to stare at her. "In history, people never stopped having babies."

"I know. I'm not sure I want to do the having." She slid closer until she was against him with his arm around her. "And if I do, I want you to be just as happy about it as me. I don't want you doing this like it's a favor. I want you to want it for you, not me. So, are you ready for that?"

"No."

"Neither am I."

A baby was never something to take lightly and in this world it could mean death, even behind these walls. They never knew what the future would hold for them and maybe tomorrow there would be no walls. She could handle a baby on the road, because she would do what needed to be done, but she didn't want to if she could help it. She needed a bit more time to feel this security wasn't going anywhere.

"I'm going to put Hershel in the crib," he said as he slowly slid out of the bed.

"Judith can sleep with us."

At the sound of her name she crawled into Michonne's lap and offered her toy. She appeared to be full of energy and it would be a long night. Michonne lay on her back and lifted Judith in the air above her.

"Hello, my love."

Judith giggled.

This time it was Rick who stood in a doorway and watched.

"There's room for one more." She smiled at him.

Maybe one day that phrase would take on a new meaning. But for now, the four of them was enough.


	12. Party

**A/N: Hi. This was a request from someone on Tumblr. I hope you like it. I'll post another chapter when I get an idea or a prompt. I did a post on my thoughts about Andrea over on Tumblr. Give it a look if that's your thing. Heads up - I didn't care for her. I'll be posting more in the future. I think the next one will be on Lori.**

* * *

Rick felt stifled by the sheer number of people in his home. There had to have been at least fifty people roaming in, out, and around the house. They were everywhere. In the living room. In the dining area. On the front porch and the backyard. People came and went. After a successful season that yielded an abundance of crop and successfully defeating Negan, the communities of Alexandria, The Hilltop, and The Kingdom came together for a celebration. He would have been okay with an afternoon cookout but he was outvoted in favor of a dinner party. The Grimes home was the largest, and because he was the leader, they were stuck with hosting duties.

Despite his antisocial demeanor, it was good to see people happy and comfortable. Carl stood in the corner with his friends, his arm around Enid's waist. He still wasn't accustomed to that. When he saw a gun in his son's hands he saw a man, but with his hands on the opposite sex all he saw was a little boy. His son put down walkers and even killed someone before his thirteenth birthday but he never dealt with love. Rick was more afraid of him getting his heart broken than anything else. He taught his boy about guns, knives, and survival, but even he couldn't prevent the pain a woman could inflict.

He smiled when he saw Carol walking towards him bent over as she guided Judith who was walking. She wasn't exactly making a beeline since everything between him and her distracted her and sent her in a new direction. Nor was she all that graceful. His little girl was in a dress, the top was black and felt like velvet but Michonne told him it was velour. Or did he get that backwards? Was that even what she called it? All he knew was that the skirt was a shiny gold material and Judith was beautiful.

"Hey pretty girl." Though she was walking he couldn't resist picking her up and holding her in his arms. Smelling that sweet baby scent. Seeing those chubby cheeks. Her very existence was hope. Her mother gave her life for her. It was his duty not only as a father but for Lori to make sure Judith not only lived but was happy.

"You always do clean up well," Carol said with a smile.

Michonne chose his clothes for him. Had them on the bed down to the socks when he walked out of the shower. He would have worn jeans and a shirt but she demanded the white button shirt and black dress pants. He offered Carol an attempt at a smile but even he could feel it was a weak one before giving Judith his attention. "Well, it's a new world again I guess." He smoothed her dress down. "Can't live like savages forever."

"But it was fun while it lasted," Abraham said in a booming voice as he joined them with a beer in his hand and slapped Rick's back with the other.

He found himself in shock and awe at this man's demeanor. Was it new behavior or was he always this way? He never ceased to leave Rick speechless at least five times a day.

"Yeah," Rick grunted. "Fun."

At some point Carol and Judith were replaced with Eugene and two men from The Kingdom. There was Steve and the other he met for the first time that evening. In fact, his home was full of people he was seeing for the first time. The new guy reminded him a bit of Abraham, had the same brashness just without the colorful one-liners. The group of men did the only thing men did now that there were no sports to debate, they discussed security and how to create more conveniences.

He noticed his words were not getting the attention they once were. No one seemed to be interested in searching for scientists and others with knowledge of putting the world back how it once was. Their eyes looked past him. He turned his head to the direction and spotted Michonne standing on the staircase, two steps from the bottom, talking to Maggie and some other woman. He had to leave before she got dressed and didn't know what she would be wearing. Had he known he definitely wouldn't have approved. He wouldn't have forbade her from wearing it, for fear of a right hook, but he would have tried to talk her out of it.

She was in a form-fitting white dress. It highlighted every inch of her glorious body. It hugged her hips and thighs and though she showed no cleavage, her breasts were front and center. It stopped a few inches above her knees. It wasn't inappropriate but when your body is sinful almost anything is too sexy. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if the skirt was loose.

She greeted friends and guests alike. She treated everyone as an equal. It was why everyone loved her and looked to her. She was the perfect partner by his side. She balanced his style. Even though he wasn't the paranoid nutjob he once was, it was good to have someone who embraced people. He never could have imagined the woman at the fence carrying the baby formula was actually a card-carrying member of the rose-colored glasses club.

Eugene's mouth was open as he followed Michonne around the room with his eyes.

"Seriously?" His voice was low as he leaned into Eugene.

"The female form is the closest thing to heaven on Earth. I admit, I was checking out your wife and no one could blame me." His eyes shifted from the floor to Rick. "I know she's not your wife in the legal sense but I figure you're too old to have a girlfriend."

Rick grunted and walked off and it didn't take long to spot her again. She was surrounded by people. Men and women were equally enthralled. Her hair was pinned up and there were what looked like sparkling diamonds in her hair. She turned to the side and he groaned. That view was even worse. Actually, the view was great. That's what made it worse. Now every guy in the room was staring at her ass. It was hard to not be upset. He was never the kind of guy that liked seeing the woman he loved ogled by other men. It did nothing but cause problems. Jealousy, harsh words, and hurt feelings was all that could come of it.

They locked eyes from across the room. She smiled but he couldn't match her happiness. Not now. Not with these men standing around thinking of inappropriate things to do to her. He could see a slight change in her facial expression. No doubt figuring out he was unhappy. She took one step towards him but was cut off as an unknown guy walked up to her. He blocked her way. He was way too close. She slowly broke their gaze and smiled at her guest.

He made his way over by the window. From it, he had a view of the watch tower. He watched Spencer pace back and forth. He had done a lot of growing since losing his family. Michonne had a lot to do with that. The two had become close. Michonne's connection to his mother being the driving force. Deanna made him promise to look after Spencer and he had to admit he hadn't live up to that promise. He wasn't mean to him; he just didn't embrace him like Michonne. He felt he was simply cordial. Michonne thought he was aloof.

"Wow, that Michonne is something. Ezekiel said she was a looker."

Thoughts of Spencer were jarred from his mind at the mention of Michonne's name from a voice he didn't recognize. He turned his head slightly, still hidden by the curtain, and looked at them about ten feet away.

The other man laughed. He was tall with shoulder-length brown hair. He wore jeans and a polo shirt. "He wasn't kidding. I heard she's married or something." He took a sip from his glass.

"In this world's version of marriage I guess. The leader."

"You know which one he is?" They both scanned the room, overlooking Rick who was standing behind them.

"No. I heard he was just as The Kingdom the day before we arrived."

"What a lucky bastard."

They stood there a bit longer and spoke of their admiration for the community. It wasn't close. Between the communities, Alexandria was definitely the upper echelon. Not only was there safety and food, there was comfort. If they allowed themselves, Alexandrians could fool themselves into believing the world hadn't changed.

Rick spotted Michonne and approached her from behind as she looked over the buffet table. She grabbed a cookie from a platter and placed it on a napkin. He cleared his throat, standing so close he felt the hairs on his arm stand up.

"Hi, Rick." Her back was still to him.

"Nice dress."

"Thank you."

"How did you know it was me?"

"I could sense it. My body responds to you and only you."

He held his head down. "Yeah?" He got the impression she was trying to tell him something.

"And I recognized your cologne." She turned her head slightly so he could see her profile.

"Did you have to wear that dress?"

"Yes, I did." She turned around and faced him. For the first time he could see the glimmer of her lip gloss and the faint tinge of red on her lips.

"Why? For the attention?" It was a bit more harsh than he intended but to be honest, it was what he felt at the moment.

"Yes."

"So, you don't doubt it." He nodded and looked away, out at the room of people. It felt like a punch in the gut for her to love attention from other men.

"No, I-"

Before she could finish he walked off. Walked off before he said something he didn't mean. Before he made a scene. Before he ruined the evening. Before he tainted everyone's vision of the perfect couple - the first couple of the new world. There was always an image to uphold.

He went to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of bourbon. He tossed it back in one shot and braced himself on the counter with both hands. He poured himself another, this time a double.

"Rick."

He heard his name in a soft whisper. He looked up and didn't see anyone near him.

"Behind you."

He turned to see Michonne standing in the doorway of her old bedroom just off of the kitchen. There was a smile on her face and her eyes gave a gentle look over him. He surveyed the living room to see if anyone was watching before heading to the room and joining her. Before closing the door behind him he locked eyes with Carol who couldn't contain the smile on her face.

"What are you doing in here?" The room was pretty bare; the same as when she occupied it. Carl wanted to move down here. While it seemed like a good idea for all involved, he and Michonne would get a bit more privacy and Carl wanted his own space as well, it was hard for Rick to not sleep within feet of either of his children. Someone could enter the home. Something could happen to Carl and he wouldn't know it. He wasn't ready for that.

"It got a little overwhelming. Needed a break." She sat on the edge of the bed. Her shoes were off as she ran her toes through the plush carpet.

"Of course. You've been overrun by men all evening. What did you expect? Maybe something a little less attention-getting next time."

She took a deep breath and then gave him a small smile. "The attention I wanted was yours."

"You have my attention. Every day. Every night. Always." He frowned at her.

She remained silent and stared at him. The look on her face, one of indifference, pissed him off.

"What, you want me to be jealous? That's how you wanted me to prove how I feel about you? You wanted to watch me punch a guy's lights out for staring at your ass and making comments about what he wanted you to do to him with your mouth."

"Of course not." She shook her head. Her voice was calm and soft. "I'm sorry you had to hear that. I would never want to put you through that. I wanted to dress up for you. I don't care about anyone else's reaction. Each time you looked at me who I was I looking at?"

He stared at the floor as the evening flashed before him. They locked eyes all night. "Me."

"Other people shouldn't matter. Only I should matter, right? Only my actions. Who I respond to. You seem to be blaming me for something I can't control. I didn't lead anyone on. I didn't flirt with anyone. I even put someone in his place and let him know he was wrong. In fact, I do that often. Long before tonight."

"Wait? What?"

"Yes. You see, their disrespect of you as the man I love pisses me off. It doesn't have to upset you for me to do something about it."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't need to tell you I'm standing up for our relationship when you're not around. That's what we both should do." She got on her knees and opened her arms to him.

There was hesitation as he thought about her comments. That was a lot to take in. The attacks against their relationship. Disrespect of him as the man she chose.

"Rick."

He stepped forward and stood before her. She pulled him into her arms and his eyes closed at the feel of her touch. He loved feeling her body against his. After going so long without intimate physical contact it felt great to feel that soft flesh, gentle touch, amazing smells of vanilla-scented lotion. Feeling her hands rub against his body felt care-free, void of pain and harsh realities.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her body tight against his. Her moan filled his ears and made his heart swell.

"I love you," she whispered in his ear as she placed delicate kisses on his flesh.

He never tired of her touch. Of her intimacy. Of her love. And he never tired of her lips on his flesh. Any part of him. Right now he could feel her mouth and her tongue on his neck. His body reacted and his hands had minds of their own and they traveled to her ass as he palmed it. She pulled back and they seemed to have a conversation with their eyes, something they were prone to do. The most detailed of emotions passed between their eyes from the day they met. Her thoughts were loud and clear. No one else mattered at the moment. He felt the same.

She fell back on the bed and took him with her. He attempted to slide off her but she wrapped her legs around him. "Don't move."

"I'm heavy."

"You're not." She laughed. "Trust me. I can take it." She gave him a suggestive look that made him wish the house was empty.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

"I was an ass."

"I know."

"You're a real know-it-all." His smiled disappeared. "I've never been good with jealousy."

"You have nothing to worry about. Trust me, there is no one else in this world I'd rather be with."

"You sure about that? The world is bigger than it was when we fell in love." How was she sure she had the best? How could he sleep at night confident no one else could take her away from him?

"It is. I still got the best guy. The best guy in the whole world." She smiled. "And you should put that away."

"What?"

"I know you're not carrying your gun." She smirked.

"I thought this is the reaction you wanted when you wore this dress?"

"We have guests."

"Well, why did you ask me to come in here?"

"To remind you that I love you so you could stop looking like you were about to knock someone's lights out."

He felt embarrassed.

"You looked like you were about to explode. I don't like to see you like that."

She hated when he lost it. He knew that.

There was a knock on the door ending their time alone together. He stood and walked to the door, his hand on the knob waiting for her to stand and get herself together. Her hands ran over her dress and she patted her hair before nodding at him. Still, he opened it just enough to see Carol looking back at her.

"People are looking for you. They want a speech." She gave him a sympathetic smile.

He groaned and rolled his eyes. Why did he always have to say something? Funny, in his old life he was a man of few words. Now, he was some motivational speaker. "Be right there."

"Oh and Judith wants Mimi."

He nodded and closed the door. She couldn't pronounce Michonne just yet so it was Mimi.

"You ready?"

She walked towards him with a smile. "Ready."

Sometimes all it took was just a few minutes alone with her away from the shit to make everything okay.


	13. Save Me Once Again

**A/N: Hello all. This story is a little different than the others in that it has a little s-e-x. So if that's not your thing... It's only been a couple of weeks since I last posted but it seems much longer. Thanks for all the comments. Next week I hope to post Annie02's request. I've already started it.**

* * *

Another loss. Another funeral. Another season of mourning. How much could one group take? It felt all too common the feeling of despair. They were almost like robots going through the stages. Shock. Tears. Anger. Retaliation. Numbness. Repeat. They were currently in the numb stage where almost nothing mattered. He and Michonne walked around their bedroom sidestepping each other as they readied for bed. He donned a pair of blue boxers. She was in a pair of pink panties and a white tank top so thin it was useless because he could make out every inch of her breasts. When he moved left she moved right. When she headed towards one side of the room he was just leaving that space. It was like a dance. A somber one because once again, pain disrupted their happy home.

Up until two days ago life had been as good as it could be now that their lives included Negan. They worked harder and scavenged more to make up what they had to pay in order to live. But seeing Judith smile meant everything. He just wished there was more to life than seeing his little girl happy. Because no one else was. She seemed to be the only one that made anyone smile. Outside of her presence, there were no smiles, no laughter. There was emptiness. There was work. There was survival.

He waited as Michonne completed her pre-bed ritual. She applied lotion from head to toe. She brushed her teeth. Then there was the meditation. Once she was comfortable in bed, adjusting her body position and the sheets, he turned off the lights. The curtains remained open and the full moon cast enough light to make out the outline of her body, the curve of her hip, the dip of her waist. He slid into bed next to her. She always slept with her back to him which suited him just fine. He loved feeling her against him; her butt fit perfect against him. So perfect it was why they seldom saw the sunrise without making love.

The inches between them suddenly felt too far. He slid against her and placed his hand on her hip and pulled on her, signaling he wanted her closer. She took his lead and nestled her rear against him, firmly against his groin. Their legs became intertwined. He needed her near. It made the tremble of his hands go away. Her presence made him steady when decisions that went from bad to worse were just around the corner and he was the one who had to make them.

Tomorrow some of the residents would clean Tobin's home. In some show of power and cruelty, Negan wanted it to be his when he visited Alexandria. It's where he bashed Tobin's head until it disappeared into a heap of blood and flesh. The way he got off on torture and instilling fear was something out the Greek myths his grandfather used to tell him on their camping trips. Negan was a sadistic monster. Like nothing Rick had seen before and between his life as a deputy sheriff, The Governor, and Gareth that was saying a lot and yet still an understatement.

How many people had to die on his watch? All the people back at the camp outside of Atlanta because he went on a stupid mission to save Merle. Because of his decision while trying to save her, Sophia died. Otis because he didn't notice what his friend was capable of. Lori and T-Dog because he should have killed Andrew instead of assuming the sheltered prisoner couldn't survive against the walkers. Hershel, Andrea, Axel, and Oscar because he didn't deal with the Governor. Bob because he didn't go back and kill Gareth like he wanted to do.

And the disappointment each time he screwed up was becoming too much. Lori hated his decisions. Carl thought he wasn't good enough to be a leader. Carol blamed him for the loss of her only child and he couldn't blame her. Maggie, Daryl, Spencer, Francine, Morgan...all of them had contempt in their eyes when they saw him. It's the same look he had when he looked in the mirror.

A switch flipped on and he needed her. There was a hunger for her he couldn't explain. She was the only person who never looked at him with disappointment or anger. He ran his hand up and down from her waist to her lower thigh. He kissed her neck and burrowed his face where her neck and shoulder connected. He ran his hand beneath her tank top and up her torso until he cupped her breast. It fit perfectly in his hand. He wedged his knee between her legs making his intentions known.

He sensed her desire as she made herself available to him. The deep rise and fall of her chest pushed her breast into his palm even more. She threw her head back. When her hips shifted he slid his hand inside her underwear. Their bodies writhed together to a soundless beat. It was instinct, months of being together. Learning an entirely new side to each other. He relished every second as her breath became more labored and sounds of pleasure intermittently slipped past her lips. He loved when she was vocal. He loved making her that way.

Her hips moved in a rhythm that was becoming harder for him to keep up with as she became more turned on. His fingers easily slid over and in her as she became more aroused by his touch. He moaned at the feel of her arousal as it drenched his fingers and the sound of it too. The urge to not end this moment was strong; she was near and he couldn't stop just yet. He peppered kisses on her shoulder and sometimes gently bit down on her damp skin. When her grunts synchronized with her breaths he knew she was near. Within seconds she emitted a long unbroken groan as he body shuddered from his touch.

Before the night was over he needed her body to remind him everything would be fine. He didn't want to mourn with tears and anger. There was only one way he could be closer. Without words, they positioned themselves perfectly. She rolled on her back and wiggled out of her top while lifting her hips so he could remove her underwear. Both of them were hurried in their actions. Neither wanting to delay the gratification of that feeling when he first entered her. And when he did, they both let out a slow hiss, their bodies frozen from the intense surge through them. The pressure now released.

Hands roamed her body. Lean, strong legs wrapped around him. Hands interlocked above her head. Heavy breaths lingered in their air.

He heard her faint cries that were from more than sex. He knew there was pain, the pain of loss, the frustration of a grim world. He knew because he felt the same. And as the tears spilled down his face, his eyes unable to contain them, all he wanted to do was disappear, to get lost in the pleasure she provided. He released her hands and braced himself as he lifted his torso off her body. His hips continued the steady pace.

Every movement she made while they were intimate was involuntary. When they made love during the day or with the lights on he could see it in her eyes, that look that her actions surprised her. So he endured the pain of her fingernails that dug into his back. He reminded himself to not hurt her so he slowed down. He wanted to forget. He wanted to feel good if only for a limited time. In the silence of their home even their breathing sounded deafening at that moment. He bit down on his lip, anything to stifle the sounds of his pleasure and pain.

They rolled over so she could be on top. His arms were stretched above him. She sat up high as she braced herself by gripping his thighs. Her body rolled. Breasts bounced. With only the light of the moon, it was like a silhouette riding him. But he didn't need light to see her face. The looks on her face when she was filled with pleasure were etched in his mind.

The slight opening of her mouth. The occasional lick of her lips. How she fought to keep her eyes open and sometimes only one was open as the other shut. Those same eyes rolling in her back of her head. Her bottom lip trapped between her teeth as she bit down. Sometimes it looked as if she would draw blood. And when her lips made the perfect O that made him want to pull out of her and slide inside her mouth it generally made him explode.

He licked the pad of his thumb and began to work between her legs, rubbing that little bud that he knew would drive her crazy. Slowly, his other hand slid up her torso, stopping to appreciate both her breasts before landing at her neck. He was gentle but applied just enough pressure so she knew it was there. It didn't take long before her body reacted to his touch. Her pace quickened. Her moans became louder. She leaned forward as one hand gripped his shoulder and the other lay flat against his chest. The intensity with which she moved made it clear he wasn't the only one working things out. She used this moment, their time, his body to feel better.

She collapsed on top of him, her legs still straddling him as their chests rose and fell against the others. His hands slowly ran up and down her back and further down until he stopped and kept a firm grip on her butt. Her moans and breath tickled his ear.

"We'll be okay," she whispered in his ear.

During previous times of gloom he retreated into his head. He did just enough to not ignore his family. Carl and Judith didn't know any better but she knew. She always knew his every thought sometimes before he did. So it was no surprise she was in his head and aware of his feelings now.

"You always say that."

She slid off of him and lay next to him with her head on his chest. "It's always true." She ran her fingers across his stomach and chest, stopping to circle his nipple.

He loved her touch. It was always a soothing when needed the most.

"So, what's the real plan?"

"What?" The darkness shielded his frown.

"Bowing down to Negan and going along is not in you. You're not built that way. So, what's the real plan?" She lifted her head and even though they couldn't make out each other's faces, she stared down at him.

He smiled. "Can I just tell you there is one and leave it at that so we can get some sleep? I'll tell you in the morning. I'll tell you everything I'm thinking."

"Okay." She kissed his temple.

"How did you know?" No one else knew. Not even the people who had been with him from the beginning. The people who traveled on deserted roads with him, battled next to him, and killed with him all thought he gave up. They believed he was a beaten man. That when he went down on his knees before Negan that night weeks ago that he never stood back up. They thought he was nothing more than a dispirited soul incapable of leading them ever again.

"Because I'm not okay bowing down to him and I've been thinking about how to get from under his rule. We're not the kind of people to give up. That's not who we are. He doesn't get to do this to us. Not us. Not him. Not ever."

"So we're birds of a feather, huh?"

"Two peas in a pod," she replied.

"Cut from the same cloth."

"People of the same temperament desire each other." She ran her foot up and down his leg while kissing on his neck.

"I don't think that last one had quite the same meaning as the others."

"Close enough."

He turned his head and captured her mouth, driving his tongue between her lips. He was caught up in the feel of their tongues against each other. Her moan brought him back to the present. As much as he loved kissing her, getting her aroused again, or himself for that matter, wasn't the reason for the kiss. He pulled back. "Go to sleep. We have a lot to talk about in the morning."

She would be the first person, the only person he would discuss his thoughts with. At this point, she was the only one he could trust.


	14. Love Remains the Same

**A/N: This one is dedicated to Annie02. I hope you enjoy.**

His bond with Glenn and Maggie was one Rick couldn't explain. Those two and their love meant something to him. It meant something to everyone. They were hope and life when there was no reason to believe in either. On the farm when his son was near death and his marriage was dead but he didn't know it, seeing Glenn and Maggie smile at each other brought a peace he hadn't felt in a long time. A peace he missed even before the world turned to hell. Those smiles were the same ones they shared on his couch this evening.

It was what he assumed was a double date. Glenn and Maggie. He and Michonne. They seemed to be the old married couples of the community. After a dinner of Michonne's vegetable quiche and spicy sweet potato fries, they sat in the living room listening to music.

Michonne went out on a run with Sasha and Tara and returned with a record player and four black milk crates full of vinyl records. The music was eclectic from The Beastie Boys and Beck to David Bowie and Funkadelic. When she arrived home she sat on the floor with her legs crossed surrounded by the albums like it was Christmas morning. She made it her ongoing mission to teach Carl to appreciate 'good music.' Kid had no choice. It wasn't like there was anything else to listen to other than what they found.

Maggie relaxed with her head in Glenn's lap as he ran one hand through her hair and the other lay gently on her belly. They were in their own world, unaware of Rick's admiring gaze. His trance was broken as Michonne handed him a beer and sat on the arm of the chair he was sitting in.

"Thank you," he whispered and gave her a smile.

There was a warm glow to the house as it was lit only by two lanterns. The house was quiet except for the sounds of the music. He wasn't sure what it was that she put on the record player but it was soothing and peaceful. He had come to enjoy a lot of the music she played. He quickly learned that music was part of who she was. Their home was filled with laughter and music. After a long day. While they cooked. As they sat on the porch and watched the sun set. Always music. And never a bad word or exchange between any of them in their home. He figured it was because they were alive, safe, and fed. What else was there to care about?

He was jolted back to the present back the change in music. It became a bit louder when a new song started.

"The music won't wake Judith?" Maggie asked.

"She sleeps like a rock," Rick said.

Michonne nodded. "Even sleeping through the night now."

He loved the pride she had in her voice when she spoke of his daughter. Judith was just as much Michonne's as she was his. In his heart he knew she wasn't his biologically but that didn't matter. She was his. Just like it didn't matter that Michonne didn't give birth to her. She had cared for her just as much as he did. He first noticed just how much she was committed to Judith and how much Judith was attached to her when he spent all his time at Carl's bedside after Ron shot him.

"Well, that's convenient." Maggie gave them a wink.

"Babe." Glenn laughed but there was no question he was embarrassed.

Rick thought he would be a bit more embarrassed but he wasn't. He was beyond comfortable in his relationship and just as comfortable with everyone knowing. It wasn't a secret. He was proud. He was happy. It made sense.

He didn't realize he was rubbing his thumb back and forth on Michonne's hip until he noticed Glenn staring at the steady motion.

"What?" He asked Glenn after they made eye contact.

"I," Glenn said. He shook his head. "When I was standing on the steps that night and saw you two my brain stopped functioning."

"Yeah, pretty awkward moment." Rick said with a chuckle. He didn't know where to go or where to look when he saw Carl standing there. That was definitely not how he wanted to tell his son about his new relationship. And he knew it was a relationship once they kissed on the couch. There was no way he would ruin what he and Michonne had for a moment. For a brief but meaningless physical encounter. Even if they were built that way, and they weren't, they wouldn't do that to each other.

"It makes so much sense," Maggie said.

"It does?" Glenn laughed.

"Yes." Maggie sat up. "I feel like we should have seen this coming. They are so much alike but the ways they are different complement each other."

"You never know what the world has in store," Rick said.

"That's an understatement," Glenn said. "One day I was delivering pizzas ten days from eviction the next I was in Atlanta running for my life when I met up with the other survivors in the camp. And then I meet Maggie, get married, and I'll be a father soon."

"The past year and a half has been a lifetime," Michonne said softly.

There had been too much death and pain to say he preferred this life over the previous, but he saw life in an entirely new way. And he couldn't have this good without suffering through all the bad. So he accepted it all and appreciated what he had now.

"Who could have imagined while we were out on the road just before Aaron found us that we would be here?" Maggie asked. "I didn't. I was ready to give up hope. Ready to stop fighting."

"We all were," Michonne said.

"No," Maggie said with a shake of her head. "Not you. You knew we had to stop being out there. You were frustrated. And you were desperate but you never gave up hope. That's what I love about you."

"It's what we all love about her." Rick pulled her off the arm of the chair and onto his lap. With her eyes she asked him what he was doing. But he was a man in love and they were with close friends who were more like family. They weren't standing in the middle of the community making out like two hormonal teens. Besides, what was the big deal about her sitting on his lap.

Glenn diverted his eyes from but Maggie beamed as she watched them. She took the same position Carl and Aaron had. Those two didn't pause even a little.

"Tara assumed you two were together. She asked me about it when we were at Gabriel's church," Glenn said.

Maggie nodded. "Rosita thought the same."

Glenn frowned slightly. "I guess we were around you two too long to see how the dynamic changed."

Rick smiled remembering that not everyone was oblivious when it came to his relationship with Michonne. "Hershel and I talked about a lot of things. I remember we were talking about you and Maggie. I told him how lucky the two of you were to have found each other in all of this. He asked me if I imagined I would ever have it again. I told him I had more important things to worry about than looking for love."

Glenn reached out and took Maggie's hand.

"What did he say?" Maggie asked. "He always had a response."

"He did. He said you don't always have to go out looking for things. That sometimes to find something you only need to stand still and open your eyes. I didn't know what he meant." He looked up at Michonne. "But I do now."

She held her head down to avoid eye contact with anyone. While Maggie was more in line with Carl and Aaron, Michonne was more like Glenn. Months later she was still shy about their affection, not that he was the kind to make bold declarations and affection but in his home, with two of their closest friends, that didn't bother him.

"The way you are now Rick, I never thought I'd see that man again." Maggie said.

"What do you mean?"

"The man that shows his love. That was the man who showed up with his family at our farm. That's the man I could see like this. Shoulders relaxed. Had I not seen you then, this would seem strange. Was this the Rick Grimes of old? Date nights? Laughs? Stories?"

He thought about that. In many ways, this was nothing like who and what he was before the world changed. But he wasn't all that comfortable with talking about his first life. There was no way to do it without talking about Lori. While he and Michonne talked about her briefly from time to time it was mostly involved the kids. But it still made him uncomfortable even if she didn't seem bothered by it.

"Not really." He prayed this conversation would take a sharp turn toward anything not involving Lori.

"Have you two chose a name?" Michonne asked as she slid an arm around Rick's shoulder and gave him a slight squeeze.

She always rescued him.

That question seemed to distract the soon-to-be parents.

"After Maggie's parents," Glenn said. "Hershel if it's a boy and Josephine if it's a girl."

"I have dreams of calling my little girl Joey. I think it would be adorable." Maggie looked up at Glenn.

She was beaming and he allowed his mind to think about Michonne but not before Lori's death interrupted that thought. It just wasn't worth the risk.

"Funny," Maggie said. "I wasn't even sure I wanted to be married or have kids and now I'm having a baby with my husband."

"Why didn't you want to be married or have kids?" Rick asked. He couldn't imagine any other life but the one she lived. Growing up with such a great father and a close family, it seemed natural. Families tended to be close when they ran a farm.

Maggie rolled her eyes. "I got caught up in this feminist class back in college. After spending the summer after graduation on the farm helping daddy I thought I would move to Brooklyn and live some fast and amazing lifestyle. But I know now that farm is where I belonged." She looked up at Glenn. "I want that for our kids. To grow up on a farm with animals and acres and acres to ride horses and play."

"Maybe that can happen again," Rick said. He would love that for Judith. To be able to run around and see things beyond these walls without fear of dying at the hands of walkers or evil people. But maybe it was a pipe dream. It seemed the longer they lived the more evil people they came across.

When they stopped talking he realized the music was no longer playing. No one seemed to notice and no one seemed to care as they were all seemingly comfortable with the silence. In fact, it seemed this new world made everyone enjoy it. Other than Tara and Abraham, no one seemed to do a lot of talking. Tara's rambling seemed due to nerves and Abraham just loved to talk.

Just then there was the sound of Judith's cry.

"I'll get her," Michonne said as she stood up.

"No, let us," Maggie said. "May we?" She looked between Glenn and Rick.

He smiled. "Be our guest."

"I hope she doesn't need a diaper change," Glenn said as he followed Maggie up the stairs with his hand on her lower back making sure she was steady.

"It will be good practice for you dad," she said.

Once they were alone Michonne stood before him. "Are you okay?" She ran her hand through his hair, gently scratching his scalp near the back of his head.

"Yeah." She knew he was thinking about Lori. "Are you?" He asked because he knew she was thinking about babies.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

She was always okay even when she wasn't. When they were outside of Richmond and he could see her coming a bit unraveled at their prospects, she still had the sense to want to make it to D.C.

He sat near the edge of the chair and kissed her stomach before pulling her closer and wrapped his arms around her. His head lay against her stomach. "I'm glad you showed up at the prison with that baby formula. You were taking care of her before you ever met her."

She laughed. "In all honesty, I needed your help and I figured that would help."

"Just telling us about Glenn and Maggie was enough. You didn't have to bring the formula."

"Fine. I figured you guys weren't reduced to drinking baby formula. There had to be a baby and since I was headed that way..."

She stepped back when they heard footsteps on the stairs. Shortly after Maggie appeared with Judith in her arms and Glenn behind them.

"Want her?" Maggie asked.

Rick shook his head. "She looks just fine in your arms."

They sat on the couch with Judith in her arms. Both of them hovered over her looking down at her as she reached up at Maggie and touched her face.

"I can't wait until our baby is born," Maggie said as she stared down at Judith.

Rick saw that pensive look on Glenn's face. He could wait and he wanted it to be over all at once. Glenn couldn't help but think of Lori. Rick had a feeling every man felt the same. Because in that moment, a man was helpless. It was God, the woman, and her body while the man stood on the sidelines begging and praying. There were no words that could ease Glenn's worry.

"This here is life," Maggie said still staring at Judith.

Glenn gave Maggie a kiss on her head and smiled down at Judith. They were in their own world and Rick knew the feeling as he looked over at Michonne.


	15. Home Walked Out the Door

**A/N: Hello. This is a request from an Anon on Tumblr. I hope you enjoy it.**

 **Thanks again everyone for your support and encouragement. I hope all of you enjoy it, too.**

This wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to leave the safety of the walls without him again. The anxiety in the pit of Rick's stomach created an ache that threatened to render him immobile as he watched Michonne put the finishing touches on her worn out bag by packing food and water. Here she was, up bright and early ready to venture out into that mad world.

She stood confident and steady. Did she think this was just another day? It wasn't. They spoke often of how the world changed. Now the world had changed a second time. There was the normal world that changed into the new world that they learned to not only survive in but be dominate, and now they were in this nightmare of a world. He didn't want to love another memory, another ghost keeping him awake at night. He needed her present, with him, not breaking his heart and consuming his mind as another lost love.

He placed his hand on the small of her back. "You don't have to do this," he spoke softly to her. He stood so close their bodies touched. He placed his other hand on her stomach. Maybe if he held her, if she felt him, she wouldn't want to leave. He knew what that was like. Each morning was a struggle to leave the warmth of their bed and her body for him. At this point he felt desperate, ready to pull out every trick in his bag to get her to stay home with her family. Nothing was beneath him at this point.

"It's just for a few hours. It's nothing major." She briefly looked at him and shrugged before giving her bag her focus once again, looking through it re-checking it's contents as she balanced it on the back of the couch.

She didn't get it and it frustrated him. He didn't mean to but he raised his voice a bit. "Like the last time you left?" He couldn't bear standing at that fence waiting for her to return. The minutes turned to hours and the hours to desperation and helplessness as nothing and no one appeared on that desolate road leading home. He could still feel the fear. Still feel the beating of his heart; it felt like it would explode into a million pieces.

She zipped her bag and sat it on the couch before looking back in the direction of the kitchen where Carl and Judith sat eating breakfast. "Keep your voice down. We've already discussed it and came to an agreement."

Rick grabbed her by her elbow and led her to the window and further away from the kids. He didn't trust himself to continue to keep his voice down. He was quickly losing his temper with her. Something she did with him but he never, until now, did with her. "No, _we_ didn't come to an agreement. I told you how I felt about this but it doesn't seem to matter to you. This is dangerous. You're not thinking. You're smarter than this."

She didn't say anything. Just looked out the window. Exhaustion was all over her face. Another reason to not go out. Sleep deprivation made a person slow. That second of hesitation could be the difference between death and him being able to hold her in his arms. The previous night was one with little sleep. Instead they spent hours arguing about her need to do something for the community. As if she needed to prove herself. No one would think she was leaving the heavy lifting to others while she sat back in the comfort of her home.

He knew a lot about her. Felt closer to her than anyone. But until last night he didn't know she could be so stubborn. All she was willing to give was that she understood his feelings and she would be careful. Never did she give him any indication that she was even considering staying back.

"This isn't worth it. You don't need to go."

"We need supplies more than ever now."

He turned her around so she could see the kids. He spoke in her ear in a hushed but firm tone. " _They_ need you. They need you here. Safe. Think about them." They watched as Carl fed Judith as she clapped her hands causing most of the food to land on her shirt. He released her when he could see the hard grip he had on her arms. When he released her he could see his trembling hands. Quickly, he balled them in a fist at his side. He wanted her safe. He needed her safe. Since that day she didn't come home he hadn't been able to handle not having her in his sight. Before Negan this wouldn't be an issue. But Negan was part of their world now. His existence changed everything.

She turned and faced him. "That's not fair." Her voice was as calm and as nearly silent as it was when she woke up hours ago and told him good morning. "All I do is think of them...and you. What's the difference between you going out and me? Someone has to. Why not me?"

That wasn't a question he would answer and he knew she didn't expect one. It was meant for impact. It was meant to make a point. She already knew the true answer, that he didn't care about equity. He didn't consider them equals, she was better which was why he loved her more than he could ever love himself.

They stared at each other neither willing the other to blink first. He was determined to make it clear he disagreed with her decision. He didn't care that his need to protect her and keep her safe could be condescending. He was willing to be judged. Misunderstood. Hated.

She sighed and her face softened. "Things are different. There's a deal now."

"Like he cares about honoring his word. The man is a psycho. What makes you believe anything he says?"

"The Hilltop is still standing. Besides, he needs communities to do the work. It does no good to kill us off."

"Do you know what it felt like to see your hair attached to a walker and not know what happened to you? To think you were dead?" He held onto her hair that day. It was still in his pockets days later when she went to do laundry. "i don't think you do." He stepped closer to her. There was barely room for daylight to pass between them.

"You think it's easy for _me_ to sit here waiting and pacing until _you_ come back home? Wondering if you're okay? Wanting to go out and look for you because it's been longer than you said? I feel it every time you're gone but I know it's what you need to do. It's who you are and I'd never try to change you. Only understand you."

"And you need to do this?"

"Yes. I don't bake cookies and sew buttons. That's not who I am. I've never been that woman."

She wasn't that woman before and she wasn't that woman now. She was the woman who didn't go to her uncle's funeral because she had a career-making case to argue. She was the woman who stood watch, went on runs, and kill missions. She was the woman who went in search of The Governor because, for her, it had to be done and who better than her. Not until Carol moved out did he see her cook anything. That didn't mean she wasn't nurturing. She did more than her share to take care of the family. When it was only the four of them, it was able to see how she became an integral part of their lives. How she became a part of their nuclear family of four. She was mother. She was wife too, even before that kiss and sex or the acknowledgment of what they truly meant to each other.

"Don't you see what you're doing?" She cocked her head to one side. "You can't ask me to stay behind because you're scared of what may happen to me." Her voice softened. "I'm not going to tell you not to worry about me but you don't have to be afraid."

"I don't see how that's possible." He sighed as he ran his hand over his face. He placed his hands on his hips and held his head down in defeat. She was going and the only choices he had were to watch her walk away and pray she returned or go with her. That last option wasn't a possibility; he knew that. With Negan out there someone needed to stay home and protect Judith and Carl.

"Hey, we have a rule," she said. "Don't you remember?"

He smiled slightly and looked up at her. They didn't get to leave things unsettled. They didn't get to let things fester and definitely not before one of them, which was always him, left those walls. But this time he wasn't doing the leaving. This was a bitter pill to swallow. But it came with the territory when you loved a woman who not only didn't need saving but was unashamed of her desire to fight.

"I love you." It was the first time he said it. He knew it. Felt it. Showed it. Had no doubt she knew it as well. But it still surprised him that he said it. That it came out of his mouth so effortlessly. It almost felt cheap after all this time. After all they had been through. Everything she had done for him and his children and he blurted it out in the middle of the living room.

She stared at him for a moment and a river of doubts flooded his mind. She made him question if he said it too soon. But how was that possible? They'd known each other long enough even if they had been in an intimate relationship for an even shorter time. They saved each other's lives. She saved not only his son's life but his soul. She saved his relationship with his son that he was in danger of destroying forever. He almost destroyed their relationship because he thought he had to choose between being a good father and a good leader but it was Michonne who taught him they were one in the same. That Carl has to see in him just as much humanity as fight.

"I love you, too." She gave him that lopsided grin he loved so much. She rolled her eyes. "Don't act surprised. I've loved you for a long time even if I didn't really know it."

"Yeah?"

"I had to. I mean do you know how many times I kept my doubts silent when you came up with one of your ideas?" Her voice went up an octave. "Great idea, Rick." She laughed. "Your ideas aren't _that_ amazing but I was ready to die next to you."

"That's not you."

She shook her head. "No, it's not. It took a little time but I learned to trust you and I always trusted your reasoning. But those doubts? That was only little things. If it was something I felt strongly enough about or if I thought you were really messing up like not trusting Aaron, then I said something."

So she picked her battles with him? He bit down on his bottom lip and looked over towards the kids nodding his head and fighting the urge to smile. He had a feeling she wouldn't appreciate his pleasure in knowing just how deep her devotion was for him. She was defiantly loyal to him. It had always been intoxicating. Made him feel like he was on top of the world. She made him feel he could do no wrong but still managed to ground him. How was it possible one woman could make him feel a thousand different things that all seemed to be the right thing?

And now more than ever he didn't want her to leave because he wanted to stand there and continue to stare into her eyes. The small smile that played on her lips dropped ever so slightly the same way her stare ended their eye contact and dropped down to his mouth. Now he wanted to sit on the couch next to her while they had long conversations with Carl about everything and nothing as Judith crawled from one to the next to the next.

"Whatever it is you're thinking, we can do when I get back."

He lowered his head and kissed her. He could tell when she went to pull back that she thought it would be some chaste show of love. But he didn't do perfunctory when it came to her. He grabbed the sides of her face and held her in place as he gave her everything he felt and everything he had in that kiss. When his tongue touched her tongue they both moaned slightly. He felt her hands on his hips as they got more comfortable. The kids didn't matter. He didn't care about anything at that moment. When she kissed him him back, taking the breath from his open mouth, it felt like she was taking a bit of his life. Coincidentally, that's how it would feel when she walked out the door.

"I feel the same way," she whispered.

"I'm glad we're on the same page. I'll walk you to the gate." He grabbed her bag.

"No you won't," she said firmly as she took her bag from him.

"Why not?"

"I don't need you threatening Aaron."

He wished one of their own men would have her back out there. Back before Alexandria they were a prolific group each with their own skills. Daryl, Glenn, Abraham, Noah, along with Rosita, Tara, Sasha, Maggie - they were powerful. They were invincible. Now they were divided and weakened, physically and emotionally. He stood by and watched as she walked over to Carl and Judith.

She held Judith in her arms hugging her as she placed a kiss on the top of her head. With her other arm she pulled Carl against her. Their interaction was short but loving.

"Any requests?" She asked him.

She never returned to the prison without something for Carl. From comic books, candy, a baseball glove to clothes. Carl, and Judith for that matter, were always on her mind. He remembered that made him begin to look at her different. In fact, each time he seemed to notice her in a deeper way it involved Carl.

"No. Just come back," Carl told her as he took Judith from her. Then he leaned in and said something to her which caused them both to laugh. It didn't take a genius to know they were talking about him especially when they both glanced in his direction. She ruffled his hair and he sat back down to breakfast.

As she walked past Rick she gave his shoulder a squeeze but she didn't slow down. "See you before the sun goes down," she said as the sound of the door closing behind her was all that was left.

Watching from the window as she walked away until finally disappearing felt quite ominous. He had to see her again. She had to come back to him. This new world didn't feel livable without her. That may seem dire but there was no such thing as hyperbole anymore. Everything was intense. Life or death.

"So what's the plan today?" Carl asked.

He stared at his kids. Carl wiped Judith's face and hands with a wet towel before tossing it in the sink. Then he looked over at Rick with a smile. "Don't do it old man"

Rick chuckled. Since almost losing Carl during that herd attack he could admit he had become quite emotional regarding his family. Suddenly everything had sentimental value. What tugged at him the most was to see the love his children have for each other. Carl walked his way with Judith squirming in his arms. She reached for Rick and he took her.

"Dad, she'll be okay. She's strong and so is Aaron."

Rick walked over and sat on the couch. Carl followed. "You know, there was a time, after we lost the prison, that I stopped telling you everything would be okay because I couldn't guarantee it. And I wasn't sure I even believed it. I just wanted you to hear those words. Maybe take some comfort in them."

"So you're going to remember this feeling when you're ready to leave? Because as tough as she is she worries about you. She just doesn't say anything. When you would go on your runs with Daryl she would be nervous. I even caught her looking out the window a few times like she was looking for you. She would roam around the community looking for something to do to keep busy and distract her."

"I'm always careful."

"So is she." He played with Judith's foot. "You know, mom used to cry when you would leave us to go on a run. Each time she thought you wouldn't be back, that luck would finally stop."

"I know now I was wrong for leaving you and your mom."

Carl shrugged and shook his head. "I don't think that, not even back then."

Rick smiled as he shifted Judith to his lap. Thankfully, she was putting on weight since their arrival at Alexandria; that made him happy. "That's because you wanted to go with me."

Carl smiled.

"You've always been fearless."

"And so is Michonne."

And just that quick the happiness he felt due to his good-nature banter with his son disappeared as her name brought back the fear that he wouldn't be there if she needed him. "I'm glad you have her in your life. I know how much she means to you."

"Same for you," Carl said softly.

"Sometimes I feel like you were born to suffer."

"What?" He frowned and look over at his father.

"This world going to hell. Thinking I died. Having to put down your mom...and Shane." He looked at his son with that last comment.

"That had to be done. And I know," he took a deep breath and signed. "I know you didn't have a choice that night. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel I felt any other way...that I put Shane before you in any kind of way."

"When did you get so smart?"

"Believe it or not, watching you." He stood up with a deep laugh. "I'm gonna get some air." He reached down to take Judith.

Rick shook his head. "I got her."

Roaming the house, Judith down for a nap, Rick was alone with nothing but his thoughts. They didn't build this house. They didn't pick out the furniture and decorate it. But it was a home and they built that feeling together. In just a short time, it was filled with memories they created together. He ran his hand over the chair in the corner next to the window where Michonne would sit every morning with a cup of tea while holding Judith when the baby was too restless to sleep but it was too early to move about and start the day.

Over by the fireplace was a table that held the chess game Carl and Michonne played each night after dinner. Their current game was three days long so far. She was surprised how fast he caught on. He wasn't a chess type of guy, not even checkers, but whenever they wanted to get their butts handed to them Carl and Michonne brought out the Monopoly game.

When he closed his eyes his mind was like a wall filled with pictures and it amazed him how many of those images were of her. Standing on the other side of that fence with the baby formula. Hugging his son in the middle of the woods. Watching them laugh. Inside this home it was like a fairytale. He thought of how she could make him laugh. How she was the only one on earth that he could love and who could love him for him. But those warm feelings didn't alleviate the worry.

She was out there. Out there with only one person to have her back. He wasn't handling that well. He should have been that person. He was her person and she was his. That's how it worked. Now, he was in his living room finding it hard to breathe. Maybe on the verge of a panic attack. He knew the direction they were headed. West toward Lincolnia. He placed his hand on the butt of his gun. She would disapprove. Carl would want to go with him. Sitting here was killing him. He was consumed with panic.

He looked at his watch. She had been gone four hours and it felt like two lifetimes. There was no way he was ever letting her leave the community without him. He didn't care how it made her feel. How angry she would be at him. How much it caused them to argue. He headed toward the door. When he opened it Carl was standing before him reaching for the knob.

"Where are you about to go?" Carl asked.

"I, um, was about to look for you."

He frowned. "Why? What's wrong?" He looked past him. "Is Judith okay?"

"She's fine."

"Then what did you need?" He asked as he stepped inside forcing Rick back into the house.

He ran his hand through his hair. "Nothing."

"Sucks, huh?" Carl said as he closed the door.

"What?" Rick headed for the kitchen.

"When you feel helpless. When the ones you love don't let you set the rules." He heard his son say behind him.

"I've felt helpless plenty of times. I don't need another lesson." His voice had more bite than he meant. He sighed. "I'm sorry."

He felt helpless when he arrived at his home to find his wife and son gone. He felt helpless when he couldn't find Sophia. Helpless when Carl was shot. Shot both times. Helpless on his knees listening to the sound of brutal death and last gasps for life as his friend died at the hands of Negan.

"Dad. I know how you feel."

He looked at his son and it was harder to see the little boy he was when this shit all started. "You do, don't you?"

He imagined there wasn't a feeling a human being could have that his son hadn't experienced. The sound of Judith's scream was in surround sound; it could be heard from upstairs and through the baby monitor.

Before he could move Carl was headed toward the stairs. "Yeah, I do and there is nothing you can do but trust that she will do whatever has to be done to come back home. You believe that...don't you? I'll get her and I'll grab my football outside. We can toss it around. Grab her stroller."

Suddenly Rick felt like the immature one as his son took charge of calming his nerves. He watched his son not bother to wait for a response before running off. She told him they planned on being gone for six hours. That was a short run. And he had to remind himself his runs with Daryl usually lasted from sun up to sun down. Now that he felt what she was feeling he realized how much of an ass he was to be gone that long. It wasn't until this moment he realized each night he returned home she was up waiting for him. Waiting to talk to him. Telling him about her day. About Judith's adventures so he wouldn't feel like she was growing up without him. Asking about his day. She was right, she had loved him for a while. And he loved her too because he looked forward to those nights on the couch. They were the highlights of his day. They...she was his solace.


	16. We Are Tonight

The house was eerily quiet. There was an uncomfortable feeling over the place, so much so that Carl took Judith away. She was grateful for that. Neither of the kids needed to be subjected to the tense feeling in their home. She knew Carl didn't like it. He was old enough to know there was a strain. The last thing she wanted was for him to be in the middle of the silent but obvious argument she and Rick were having. He loved his father but he didn't hesitate to protect Michonne if he felt compelled to do so. That wasn't what she wanted. She loved his devotion to her, it meant everything, but she never wanted him to feel any ill will toward his father. Somewhere along the way, before she and his father became a couple, Michonne and Carl moved from friends to something more. Something deeper. And it was something that didn't need some title. She wasn't his mother; they weren't an ersatz family. They simply _were_. It meant the world. And that was enough.

All afternoon she and Rick were home alone except for when one of them needed to leave to run an errand. The silence was deafening, so much so that it was stifling. She generally loved silence. Preferred it. Except for the sound of Judith's laughter and gibberish. That was better than anything. She spotted one of Judith's plastic colored blocks on the floor by the bed in the guest room and picked it up. Amused how Judith's toy was in a room she was never in. In their home, it was Judith's world and the rest of them were simply living in it.

The sound of boots caught her attention. Moving up the stairs and then down the hall, closer and closer. It caused a slight drop in her stomach even though she had done nothing wrong. She could tell the difference between Carl's steps and Rick's. When she turned around, the sound having ceased, Rick stood in the doorway of the guest bedroom. She didn't bother to acknowledge his presence. There was nothing for her to say. The next move was his.

He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry." It barely came out of his mouth. It was more like a squeak. He cleared his throat again. "What can I do to make it right?"

"Stop asking for forgiveness when you don't know what you've done wrong," Michonne said bent over as she finished putting the fitted sheet on the bed then ran her hand over it smoothing the wrinkles.

His sigh was heavy and there was no doubt he was annoyed and vulnerable.

It was a beautiful day and there was a steady breeze so she opened all the windows in the house, letting it air out after using some pretty strong cleansers to clean the house. She wasn't on guard duty and now that they had food and the walls were secure there was a bit more down time. Before, that down time would have been used to snuggle on the couch with Rick or hang together as a family. That was before Rick kept secrets from her. So today she used the time to do laundry, scrub the floors, and cook a special lunch for Carl. He didn't think she cold pull off a burrito but she did it.

"You've been working all day. You need any help?"

She didn't respond because if she did she would remind him he had been around all day and she didn't stop him from cleaning. But she wasn't in the mood for a back and forth over household chores. This was a way of him testing the waters to see if she was willing to talk to him. She had always been willing to talk to him, to listen but he wasn't doing any talking. And that was the problem not only today but what caused their tense feelings once she found out about his secret.

He walked over and stood on the other side of the bed as she unfolded the top sheet. It unfurled in the air and blocked their view of each other and as it lowered onto the bed she could see his face. Now he was looking at her, trying to read her.

She cleaned the guest bedrooms because Jesus and Ezekiel would arrive later than evening under the cover of darkness. The three men decided they were build some type of coalition to defeat Negan. She was gifted with the last minute details because their two guests were arriving that evening. She wouldn't allow him to announce their pending arrival like they were coming over to watch college football. No one ventured to other communities for a simple social visit. Not with Negan and his henchmen patrolling the area. So Rick had to tell her what he had been working on for weeks.

"I know you're upset."

"So what? Carl knows I'm upset. Judith could probably sense it too. What difference does it make that you know I'm upset when you don't think you did anything wrong."

He stepped back and leaned against the wall. "Everything...everything happened fast."

She stopped moving and looked at him. She stood and eyed him, really studied his face; it was awash with guilt and shame. And it was telling that he couldn't hold her gaze. "Bullshit. This world never moves too fast for you to tell me what you want to tell me. You made a choice to lie to me, Rick. And now you have to deal with the consequences."

"The consequences?"

"That's what I said." She went back to making the bed.

"What? You're going to punish me? Get back at me?"

"No. I'm not going to do anything other than be upset, doubt you, and eventually hope we get past it. That's not payback. That's simply the course you put us on. Don't expect me to pretend like I'm not angry."

She could see his anger bubbling to the surface. He hated being vulnerable. It was hard for him to be wrong. He instead chose to be defensive.

"You know, this is ridiculous. We're surrounded every day by people and things trying to kill us. We fight for survival. For food. For good health. We shouldn't be arguing over the small stuff. There's too much for us to be grateful for."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't. Don't try to use the world as an excuse to not have to deal with the fall out of your choices because it goes both ways you know. Since the world has gone to shit you should be focused on those who have your back, those who matter. Nothing should get between that. See how that works?"

"Why is my trying to make things better for us a problem?" He reached out his hands slowly as if he movement would scare her away.

She shook her head and gave him a wry smile. "That's not the problem. Remember when you lied to me about the guns and your plan with Daryl and Carol? Remember when you told me you'd never do that again?"

He held his head down. "Yeah. But you have to understand-"

"After everything, you're still that person. You still thought you couldn't trust me. That I would stop you."

"No, that's not how I ever felt. I trust you, now more than ever. I just wasn't ready to share it with anyone."

"That's not true. I know you spoke to Daryl and you were comfortable speaking to Eugene."

He looked at her. Surprised.

"Yeah, I figured that out. The time you've been spending with him. Not like you two have much in common."

"Ammunition."

"This isn't something you get to decide alone. Other people's lives hang in the balance. You don't get to decide if they live or die."

"You don't trust me to do what's best?"

"Honestly, I don't believe you can handle the fall out if it doesn't go well." Her voice softened. "I don't want to see you like that again."

He stared at her a moment before breaking eye contact and focusing his gaze on a spot on the wall near her. Anyone else would have thought he was still looking at her but she knew better. As if he were going over something in his mind, he nodded his head a couple of times. Then he turned and walked out of the bedroom without another word.

* * *

It was just before midnight when there was a knock on the door. Michonne came downstairs from checking on Judith when Rick closed the door.

"Who was that?"

"Ezekiel and Jesus are at the gate. They're bringing them here." And with that pronouncement he stepped outside.

Late night was best. Spending the night under their roof was best. It was necessary just to make sure the meeting would be kept as secretive as possible. She nodded and sat down on the couch. Part of her wanted nothing to do with this meeting but the sane, practical part of her knew she needed to be there. She needed to hear the plan for herself, unfiltered, see the looks on the faces of Jesus and Ezekiel just as she looked into Rick's eyes.

Daryl sat at the kitchen table nibbling at his fingernail. He was staring into space.

"I made a pot of coffee. Want a cup?" She asked him.

He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. Was that a no and a maybe? She rolled her eyes. Not even a simple yes or no. The mute act was getting old. She tried to push down her frustration with Rick and Daryl, especially with guests coming. Even while upset with them, she would always show a united front to others.

"I'll take a cup."

She was a bit startled by Carl's voice. It was deep. And he spoke with such confidence now that she saw him for the man he was.

He stood next to her at the kitchen island with a smile on his face. "Whatever my dad is planning it will work out."

His faith in his father was a long way from the angry kid she met who turned into the kid afraid and unsure of who his father was. Experience and age changes a person.

"Yeah," she said as she poured him a cup and handed it to him. He drank it black just like his dad.

Rick walked back inside followed by Jesus, which would make the black man with impressive gray locs Ezekiel. He was a striking presence dressed in shades of brown, including a fur-lined leather bomber jacket and boots. In his hand was a wooden staff with an eagle on top. He was about the same height as Rick.

Rick walked over to Michonne and Carl and looked at his son, standing directly in front of him.

"You want me to leave?"

"No. You're old enough to hear this. You're all grown up now. You deserve to be here." He placed his hand on the back of Carl's neck and gave it a slight squeeze.

She wasn't sure she ever saw Carl more proud of himself. She looked over at Rick to see him staring at her, silently asking her to give this a chance.

"Ezekiel, this is Michonne, Daryl, and my son Carl. Everyone, this is Ezekiel. He's the leader of The Kingdom."

Greetings were exchanged as everyone sized each other up.

"Let's get this show started shall we?" Ezekiel's voice was as smooth as his movements. In a home he'd never been in before, he was self-assured and relaxed.

They all stood around the table with sheets of paper. It was like the night they planned their attack on the Saviors' outpost. That plan went off without a hitch until the retaliation. She still wasn't sure how Negan knew they were the ones to kill his people. Maybe he had been watching them, allowing them to live, long before they knew of his existence. That thought had been the subject of many of her nightmares and reflection.

Jesus, Rick, and Daryl did the majority of planning, pointing out flaws and thinking about what if's. Ezekiel had a shortage of plans not a shortage of comments.

"We stood here six weeks ago at this very table and came up with a plan. A damn good plan," Rick said as he looked around the table. "and now..." he shook his head. "I don't know."

"Rick, I know you may feel a bit apprehensive about this all," Jesus said as he braced himself on the table. "But this movement needs you. Gregory is afraid. He hides behind walls while others risk and lose their lives. These people look to you. I've seen it with my own eyes. They believe in you. You're a leader. The leader we need."

"Not so much anymore," Rick said and glanced in Michonne's direction.

She noticed his glance but it took all she had not to acknowledge it. She wasn't known for her poker face. Her expressions gave her every emotion away. She didn't want to show him anything but confidence. At least, in front of Ezekiel. And she trusted Jesus for the most part but she didn't forget he wasn't completely honest about what they were getting themselves into with Gregory or the Saviors.

Jesus stood up straight. "You make people feel like they can do anything. And if we come together, we can. I will stand by you as long as you lead, Rick.

Rick held his head down and studied the papers before them. "I don't know."

"This crumbles without you." Ezekiel stood and all eyes were on him just as he wanted. "Rick, for a while I was no better than Gregory. I've never been the strongest or the bravest. I've been the smartest though." He chuckled. "Smart enough to know I'm full of myself most of the time. But what Jesus is saying is correct. I'm here to fight. If not now then it's never. My people need me and your people need you." He looked at Michonne. "There's so much more to life that I want to experience."

Jesus walked over to Rick. "For Negan and Gregory, this is about ego. For you, it's something more, something important. You...we are trying to build something and when you're done the world will be better place but you have to believe that."

"So, you all agree with me that the best first move is to take out as many outposts as possible?" Ezekiel asked as he looked around the table, not really needing conformation. "The fewer his men to do the bidding the better. This isn't something where you cut off the head and the entire operation falls apart."

"Man, everything looks good," Daryl said as he waved his hand toward the plans on the table.

"Well, everything looks great on paper. As usual, the gap between theory and praxis is vast."

"What?" Daryl asked with a frown on his face.

"The best plans don't always work out," Michonne said.

"Very good, Michonne."

She looked in Ezekiel's direction briefly before turning her attention to Rick and Jesus. Did they really feel this guy was valuable, could be trusted in such a dangerous mission? He didn't strike her as the type to be on the front lines like Rick and Jesus, but she wasn't sure he was even capable of providing the support needed in the rear.

"It's been a long night," Rick said. "Jesus, I'll show you your room." He looked at Ezekiel. "I'll be right back."

Ezekiel nodded and walked over to the fireplace, admiring the interior design, picking up things and putting them back.

Michonne kept her eyes on him, but addressed Daryl. "I suppose you're all for this attack?"

"Of course. They deserve this. After what they put us through? They're lucky death is all they're getting." Daryl headed down to the basement. After spending so much time around so many people he still needed space. As much as they loved him, solitude would always be his best friend. Made sense. If Merle was any indication, Daryl didn't know how to be part of a family. Of all the things he learned in this new world, interpersonal skills weren't something he acquired. When he took one step forward, the world knocked him back to steps with death and tragedy.

"So Michonne, what did you do for a living before all of this?" Ezekiel asked.

"Worked in an office." She tried to minimize telling people what she did for a living, even when the world was normal. Either people became intimidated or wanted free legal advice. Somehow, lawyer and every other profession besides Navy SEAL seemed pointless in this new world they lived in.

"I've never seen you at my kingdom. I would love for you to come and be my guest."

"Your _kingdom_?"

He laughed. "Well, I _am_ King Ezekiel."

"People call you that?" She eyed him.

"Yes. They prefer it. Gives them a peace of mind. Order. Structure. Stability."

"And calling you king gives them all of that?"

He smiled. "So as I was saying, I'd love to have you as my guest. Of course you'd have your own space until we got to know each other better."

Michonne rolled her eyes.

He smiled. "Is there someone else?"

"Yeah, you're sitting in his home. Our home."

She was amused by the genuine surprise on his face.

"I didn't realize. I'm sorry. I meant no disrespect. You two didn't seem like..."

What did she and Rick need to do? Put on a show? "Didn't seem like what?"

"A couple, I guess."

"Well, this means you'll be able to convince Rick this is for the best. Our communities need this. I'm sure you have a way with convincing him." He smiled.

His assumptions. His smugness. His sexism. They were all on display in that one moment. He sat in her home and listened to her come up with plans. Saw the respect Jesus, Rick and the others had for her and all he could think of was a women using her body and sex to coerce a man into doing something he may not want to do. "I'm not Rick's keeper. He makes his decisions. Don't try to use me against him."

"It's just that-"

"Our relationship is not a tool in your toolbox so don't do it again."

She heard the sound of footsteps. Rick's footsteps. She took a deep breath not wanting to signal there was tension. These were men who needed to work together to lead people. Personal issues couldn't get in the way if there freedom from Negan was going to happen.

"Ezkiel, your room is just past the kitchen." Rick led him to the bedroom door. "Anything you need, let me know."

"Thank you, Rick." He looked over towards Michonne and back at Rick. "Your family has been most hospitable." He entered the room and closed the door.

When he sat down on the couch he let out a long sigh. He and Michonne were now alone with Carl retreating to his bedroom. Michonne poured him a drink and poured herself one as well.

"Thank you." He took the glass from her hand.

"You look like you could use it." She sat on the couch next to him.

"You're still taking care of me?"

"Why wouldn't I? I've never turned my back on you and I won't start now."

"After being covered in blood for so long it's hard to feel comfortable when you've washed yourself clean. Hell, I don't even feel clean. I feel like every time we do something, go farther out on that pier, that I never fully come back. Each time I go out I stay closer and closer to the edge." He turned his head and looked at her. "Maybe we don't get to come back from the things we do."

"Are you having doubts about this?"

He threw his head back against the couch and looked up at the ceiling. "No. Every night when my head hits that pillow I replay the day and wonder if I did everything I could. Could I have tried a little harder? Could I have made more of a difference?"

She stared at the fireplace, the fire dying down.

"I heard what you said...to Ezekiel. You were pretty upset."

"I don't like being manipulated and that's what he tried to do."

"Not the first time. Jesus has done it," he mumbled and looked down into his glass.

"That didn't escape me. I don't have a problem with trying to influence you as long it's my rationale that does the persuading." She turned and tucked a leg underneath her. "It wasn't about the plan. It was about keeping things from me. I wanted to know because you've been secretive and that's put a strain on us. And, like I said before, everyone has a right to know the possible blow back from your decision."

"I just wanted to have something, a plan, to take to people. If I went to everyone and said, 'Let's attack Negan again, I know it didn't work last time but hey...' He shrugged. "I just needed more."

She nodded. "I understand."

"You mean a lot to me." He placed his hand on her knee. "Your opinion matters."

"Do you know why we're together? Why we share a bed?"

He looked confused. Wondered if he was supposed to answer.

"Because I respect you. I respect why you do what you do. I respect that you're a good man with the weight of the world on your shoulders. Respect me back. Enough to know I'd never turn my back on you. That if I disagreed with you I'd tell you but I'd never go against you."

He took a drink and ran his tongue over his lips before biting his bottom lip. "I didn't have it all figured out."

"You're not supposed to have things all figured out on your own. And that's when you should speak to me just like you spoke to Daryl. When you're trying to figure it out. I'm the sounding board when what you're saying doesn't make sense in your head but you just need to get it out. That's what I'm here for. Not to make decisions for you."

"I want you to have a hand in things. You've earned that."

"I have. I know I have. But are you thinking that because we're sleeping together or because you value my instincts?"

He frowned at her. "Does that even need to be asked?"

She wanted to smile. Wanted to jump in his lap because sometimes with just a look, especially that fake frown, he made her feel like the only girl in a world that wasn't screwed up. "It's a fine line. I know you. I love you. I'm here for you. But your decisions, good and bad, are yours. I'm not going to take responsibility for them because I make your toes curl."

He smiled in spite of himself. She smiled back.

"Come on," she said as she stood up. "Let's go to bed." She offered him her hand and he took it.


	17. Endless Numbered Days

_**A/N: Hi guys. Here's the latest installment. I'm flirting with the idea of a multi-chapter Richonne story. I have so much on my plate but I still managed to write a chapter. We'll see what happens with that. Thanks for the comments on the previous one-shots. I really appreciate them all. This is a very supportive fandom.**_

Rick smiled as he drove toward the gates of Alexandria. It had been a nice day hanging with Daryl and Carl. They didn't find much on their run. It was getting harder as time went on, eventually you run out of things to find which is why they needed to take their freedom back from Negan. But the day was not a lost one. There were some good times. He couldn't recall the last time he heard his son laugh so much, like bent over clutching his stomach and gasping for air. In the civilized days it was the dream of a RAM 3500, a new bike, and a McMansion that would make his family believe things couldn't be better.

But it was the simple joy of his son's happiness especially considering what was deemed life these days that made all the difference in the world. Even Daryl smiled a few times. Now he was anxious to get back to Judith and Michonne. Because Michonne made him promise not to have Carl out too late, there was still enough daylight that he could take Judith outside for a ride on pink and purple tricycle Daryl found.

As soon as Rick drove through the gate he knew something was wrong. And not just from the pensive look on Eugene's face. He could feel it in his bones.

"Where the hell did those come from?" Daryl asked from the backseat.

There were four black SUVs with tinted windows parked in the middle of the street in a single file line. Unlike the Alexandria vehicles, these were spotless. No dust to write 'Wash Me'. If he didn't know better he'd say they even had a recent wax job. The sun practically bounced off the paint job.

"It's gotta be Negan," Carl said.

Even before he turned his head to see the scowl on his son's face, Rick could hear the anger in Carl's voice. Not only was he brave but he was defiant and that was something Rick struggled to control lately. That was a reckless mindset, a dangerous mindset around someone like Negan. Carl only acknowledged what he saw and felt at the moment. Future consequences weren't part of the equation for him. He still wasn't adept at figuring out potential blow back from his actions.

"I need to get back to the house and make sure Judith and Michonne are okay." He climbed out of the car while he was still talking. There was no time to wait for a response. Not even time to turn off the ignition. As he passed the SUVs he stopped to feel the hood of one. It was cool. They had been here for a while. How long? How long was he terrifying Rick's people?

He drew his weapon and he could hear their footsteps behind him knowing Carl and Daryl were on his heels. As he ran, he noticed the streets were empty. There was no life. The place seemed deserted. That was more fear to run through his body. Did Negan and his people do something to the citizens? Hurt them so bad they were lying in their homes beaten and bruised? Maybe lying in their own blood? Dead? He ran faster until he made it home taking the stairs two at a time up to his door. Ordinarily he was cautious. He never rushed into a situation unknown. But this time all he could think about was seeing the rest of his family. Knowing they were okay. But he wasn't prepared for what he saw when he opened the door and entered his home.

Each time Rick returned home he felt like he was a ship coming in to port. It made a man feel good to come home to a family. He was lucky. So many people didn't have what he had - two healthy kids and a partner he was in love with. But this time he felt like the ship was sinking. Sitting in his lounger chair with Judith in his arms was Negan. His gut reaction was to raise his gun and blow Negan's brains out. But, speaking of potential consequences, that wasn't the brightest of ideas. He saw six men not counting Negan and he had no idea how many more were in Alexandria or even his home. He looked up as if he could see through the ceiling and see the upstairs of his home.

"Rick. Come on in. She is the cutest thing I've seen in a long, long time." Negan's voice was deep and even though he didn't raise his voice it still rang out loud. Commanding. Intimidating.

Rick scanned the room. Michonne was flanked by a couple of henchmen. He noticed her gripping the arms of the chair. Her body was tense from her jaw down to her legs. Her eyes remained locked on Negan and Judith. She was hating every moment of this. Two more men were in the kitchen. One stood behind Negan and another leaned against the fireplace.

"Why don't we go ahead and take those guns from Rick, Junior, and Daryl before they get any ideas," Negan said as he stood Judith on his lap and fixed her dress.

It killed him to see his daughter in Negan's arms. Negan sitting in his chair with his feet up on his table. He already had a place in Rick's head and now he invaded his home. It was the ultimate move. Disrespect. Torture. Just the kind of shit Negan would do. Everything was a game to him. Even another man's family.

A couple of his men took their guns and knives, patting him down like he was a criminal. He was tired of feeling weak in this man's presence. Tired of feeling subservient. Unsure. Unprepared. Negan made him feel like he didn't know what the hell he was doing. He felt transported back to the time when he didn't know what this world was or how to navigate it. Rick took a step wanting to get closer to Judith.

"You're fine where you are Rick. We were just about to leave. I've stayed as long as I needed to stay. Did all I needed to do. You have a beautiful home. Beautiful family. I wouldn't want to leave if I had this. Definitely would find it hard to climb out of bed. But here you are, always seem to find yourself out there."

For a couple of seconds Rick locked eyes with Michonne before she turned her head. Guilt, shame, inadequacy washed over him. What happened while he was away? What happened that he should have been here to prevent? He felt as if he failed her somehow.

Negan stood, making a show of bouncing Judith in the air, spinning her around and making her laugh. "Here you go mom," he said as he walked over and handed Judith to Michonne. "Though I have to admit, I don't see the resemblance. Must take after her father."

He walked over and stood before Rick. Actually, Negan loomed over him; he was a good four or five feet taller. Rick stood up straight with his shoulders square. He may have felt utterly powerless but he would no longer show that in Negan's presence.

"You're an impressive guy, Rick. Under different circumstances I think you and I-"

Rick shook his head and let out a little grunt as he looked down at the floor. How dare this guy?

Negan laughed. "Yeah, you're right. We wouldn't have been friends. That's cliche bullshit." He looked over at Carl. "Hey there junior," he said as he tussled Carl's hair. "You need a haircut. Why don't you take a walk outside with me."

"No," Rick said.

He stepped closer to Rick and looked down at him, in his eyes. "I wasn't talking to you." He turned to Carl. "And it wasn't a request, no matter how nice I made it sound."

Carl stepped out first, followed by Negan and then his men. Rick and Michonne rushed to the window. Negan and Carl walked down the stairs and stood side by side on the sidewalk with their backs to the house. Negan's men placed their guns and knives on the porch swing.

"What the hell is he saying?" Rick practically had his face against the window.

"Well, whatever it was it wasn't much," Daryl said as they watched Negan and his crew walk down the street leaving Carl standing there alone watching them. "I'll go check on the kid."

"What was he doing here?" Rick took Judith from Michonne's arms and hugged her. "How did he know where we lived?"

Michonne and Spencer glanced at each other. It was quick but he was trained to catch the unnoticeable.

"He wanted to see you," Spencer said.

"And what? You led him here? To my family?" Rick stepped away from the window and toward Spencer.

"What was I supposed to do?"

"Be a man." Spencer had that pained look on his face that was always there. That look that made Rick want to punch him. And he probably would have if Judith and Michonne weren't around.

"What? Like you when he killed our people in front of your face while you did nothing?"

Suddenly Judith and Michonne didn't matter. He saw red. He bit his bottom lip. Nostrils flared. Eyes squinted. He wanted to shove his fist down Spencer's throat and make him choke on his teeth.

Michonne stepped in front of Rick effectively blocking his path to Spencer. Her small hand was flat against his chest. "Calm down. Both of you. There's nothing anyone could have done about that night or today. There's no need fighting each other." She turned her head toward Spencer. "Why don't you go check on everyone and make sure they are okay."

He nodded and left without another word. But he made sure to take the long way to the door in order to avoid being near Rick. Smart decision.

After a moment Rick walked out the door then down the steps of their porch looking in both directions. "I don't see Carl," he called back to Michonne as he grabbed his gun and knife.

"I'm sure he's with Daryl."

"I need to check on everyone."

"Spencer is doing that. And I'm sure that's exactly what Daryl and Carl are doing. Come back inside, please."

Her voice wasn't as commanding as it was just moments ago. but it was equally effective. He followed her back inside and closed the door. They were alone now; just the three of them. And he wondered what it was like for her to be here alone with Judth one moment and the next to have their home invaded by a madman.

He stood before her and looked at her from head to toe. "Did he hurt you?" He placed his hand on her shoulder.

"No."

"Did he touch you?"

She looked at him. In his eyes. Yes, that's what he was asking even if he didn't have the strength to say the words and he definitely wouldn't have the strength to have it confirmed. She shook her head.

He placed a kiss on Judith's head and bounced her. It was more for himself than her. She was fine. Quiet and calm at least she was until she possibly started to sense his unease. It was his nerves that were rattled. And she started to whimper just a little. Michonne always told him babies could sense the bad vibes around them.

"What was that?" She took Judith from him.

"What?"

"With Spencer?"

He rolled his eyes. "I know you feel you owe Deanna so you're trying to keep her incompetent coward son alive but he's your friend, not mine."

"You said Deanna asked you to take care of Spencer. To look out for him. She asked you that on her death bed. You can't honor that?"

"You're upset about Negan. Don't take it out on Spencer."

"He's lived behind these walls the entire time.

"Do you blame him for it? Are you bitter? Jealous? You lost a lot out there. Family. Friends. A wife. He's lost a lot too. His entire family."

"I bet you were the type to take in strays when you were a kid."

"You too," she said with a smile. She sat down with Judith who immediately lay her head against Michonne's chest.

He shook his head. "You weren't a stray. You could take of yourself. Didn't need me." He joined her on the couch.

"I did. More than you know."

He stared at her. Stared at her holding his daughter. This little girl who all he could do was keep alive and he never thought about anything else. But it was Michonne who played peek-a-boo with her. It was Michonne who talked about things like cognitive skills and child development. She was the one who let Judith stand in front of the mirror so she could see herself.

"You're good for her. You're good at this life at the most basic level." He shook his head.

"You're good at keeping people alive..." She placed her hand on his thigh.

"But not so good at the living part. You...you're good at making people feel comfortable. Safe in a different way."

"We all have our jobs to do."

"I guess I haven't done a very good job lately."

"You've done the best you can and that's the best any of us can do now. You got up. You didn't give in. That's making it. Don't beat yourself up Rick. You've brought us along way. You seem to think things would be drastically different, better somehow with someone else leading the way. Did you ever stop to think anyone else would have made it worse? Lost more? We're all a family and that's because of you. And I'm not going to let you forget that. Right now I just want you to stay here with us and be a father and a..."

He understood so they sat on the couch and enjoyed each other's touch. She draped one of her legs over one of his. He pulled her closer to him and placed his arm around her as she lay her head on his shoulder.

"Spencer called you out. He questioned your decision on how to handle Negan. He's not the only one. He gets to do that because we're all in this together. That means everyone gets to feel how they feel and sometimes even say it. Don't let your ego take you backwards. You trust these people. You believe in them. That includes Spencer. Who is still very aware of his own shortcomings, trust me."

Rick remained silent like he usually did when she was having one of these moments. She did the talking and all he could do was listen because she was always right when she was imparting this kind of information to him. He always learned a little more. Changed a little for the better.

"You don't get to cut people off because they don't agree with you. That's a lonely world and this is not a world you want to walk alone."

One day he'd ask her about that because it seemed like she was talking about herself. Despite the late nights of talking in bed about themselves there was still so much to learn about her. But he found he learned the most when he listened to her in these moments rather than an interrogation style back and forth.

He stared down at Judith who was struggling to keep her eyes open as Michonne rubbed her back. "Why was Negan holding Judith?"

"I didn't have a choice."

"I wasn't blaming you. I was just wondering why he wanted to hold her. He doesn't come off as the warm and fuzzy type."

"I'm not sure. But he was good with her. Gentle. Didn't hold her like a football or anything."

He still hated that Negan had his hands on Judith. And for hours, days, weeks he would still think about Negan using his family to needle him and get in his head. It was a violation. To see him holding his daughter, having a private conversation with Carl and tell Michonne jokes...what was he doing? Rick was already under his command. Stripped him of his freedom, made him question his leadership, fear for his people's lives.

He stood up and gently removed Judith from Michonne's arms. "I'm going to give her a bath. She almost asleep."

"I just gave her one this morning," she said but she still assisted in transferring Judith into his arms.

"She needs another one."

Michonne nodded.

"Want some help or is this daddy and me time?"

He smiled as much as he could which he had a feeling was only on the inside, the outside still showed a man full of stress. "I got it."

"I'll go check on Carl and everyone." She stood up.

He sighed and then gave her the smile he knew she wanted to see. "Thank you."

If he wasn't going to be the one to go out and make sure everyone was okay then it needed to be her. He was definitely one who hated to delegate certain tasks. He trusted no one but himself. Not even to Daryl. But she wasn't everyone else. She was him. They were the same. So her going out to check on everyone was like him going out. That would put his mind at ease.

Michonne grabbed her katana and headed out the door.

He headed upstairs with Judith. "Everything is okay. You're safe now." She would sleep in the bed with them like when they returned from their night in the woods with Negan. He just needed her and her innocence close.


	18. Falling Up

**A/N: Wow, it's been a minute. Actually, only a month. Let's get right to it. If you have any ideas, prompts let me know in a comment or over on Tumblr (same name.)**

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"Judith was fussy this morning." Michonne whacked through the high grass to make a path as he walked to the right of her a couple of steps behind her. She seemed to be walking even faster than her normal pace, as if she didn't want him walking with her. "And Carl is still angry. I don't trust anyone back at Alexandria to control him."

She had some new world struggle of being a stay-at-home mom or a working mother. When she was at home with the kids she thought about being on a run or doing something productive for the entire community. When she was away from them all she did was talk about them, how she should be there for them, and their need for her back at home. He loved her devotion to all things and he understood it which is why he knew the pain of feeling torn that she wouldn't admit even if he asked her.

He touched her arm with one finger to get her attention, feeling the need to be gentle at this moment. "I don't like that we're both out here together either," he said when she turned her head in his direction, her body still facing forward. His head was facing her direction but he stared down at the ground, unable to make eye contact. "But we're short on people who can do this."

Sounded horrible to say, short on people like they had the flu or were stretched thin with numerous projects. They weren't short on people, they were short on love, distinctive laughs, goodness. Their friend was dead. She started walking again. They were out looking for supplies, weapons, anything that could help them. They were headed to a used sporting goods store they found in the yellow pages of an old telephone book but the road was blocked and it was easier to make it on foot. They took cover in the woods, opting to not walk down an open road. The good news was that the sun was out but not scorching. His skin was tanned and nearly burnt from exposure.

"Judith is being a normal baby. They get fussy. She'll be fine."

"And Carl? Will Carl be fine?" This time she turned around completely and focused on him. Her arms were out a bit almost as if in a ready stance. That's what he called it because she was always ready for anything. In a way, she was ready for this attack and what it cost them. She tried to warn him in her own gentle supportive style even though she agreed with the plan to take on their new foes. Just because you didn't want to do something doesn't mean it wasn't necessary. This life wasn't about the likes, it was about the needs.

"He's angry. We all are. He'll get through it. He bounces back better than any of us. Quicker too."

"Now would be a good time to have Denise's psychology skills. He really needs it." She grunted. "We all need it." She started walking again, whacking grass, taking swings more violent than necessary for blades of grass.

He couldn't exactly argue at the moment even though he didn't believe in such things as therapy and lying on a stranger's couch to talk about his problems. Far as he was concerned, people knew what was wrong and what needed to be done; their only problem was the lack of desire to do it. In a shit relationship? Get out of it. Hate your job? Find another one.

But the community was reeling from the loss, _that_ he couldn't deny. The loss of a friend, of comfort and stability, and security. Even his group from the road felt defeated. It was devastating to go from feeling they could not only survive but defeat anything or anyone that dared to cross their path to being fearful they could lose it all. There was no one in this world more formidable than their group, until there was. It was a hard lesson to learn.

Alexandria had become more than safety, more than a community. They built a home, established bonds, created a family. Now they were a house divided as they attempted to mourn and accept their new lives. Angry at Rick, a few of them moved to The Hilltop. Everyone seemed to doubt his leadership. He doubted a few things but never himself, never his ability to help them because he knew there was no one at Alexandria more capable, no matter how much they resented him. Even if he didn't want to be the leader, he was one of the best options this group had if not the best.

"It'll work out."

"Those days are over," Michonne said as she kept walking. "Don't you see that? We can't just pick up where we left off. We don't always get to come back from the things that happen. Sooner or later we have to deal with the consequences of our choices. I spent so much time thinking of how the world changed and how people changed, I didn't realize how I changed, until it was too late."

She was angry, almost as angry as Carl. He wasn't sure how to help her other than be there for her and listen on the rare occasions she decided to open up. Usually, when she spoke it was to challenge or inform, not to share her feelings.

"Then we'll start over. Build something new. We'll make this world what we want it to be. I'm never going to lose that hope again."

"That's what you say."

He kept in step with her, walking beside her. "That's what I know."

"How do you know? What do you know for certain in this world?"

"Here's what I know. Life is hard. Everything around us is uncertain, not promised. You and the kids are everything to me. That's the only thing I'm sure of and I'm not going to lose sight of any of it."

She seemed utterly unimpressed by his declarations. He wouldn't say things were bad between them. They were different and they all deserved their own timetable on dealing with the pain. They remained silent until he spotted the store across the street.

"There." He looked around. "I don't see any movement, dead or alive."

They watched for almost ten minutes before they moved across the street and toward the store. To its left was a bank and the right an Olive Garden. The parking lot was small.

"Stay alert," he said.

"Think I need to be told that?" She gripped her sword.

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "No, I said it for my own comfort. If I wanted the attitude I would have asked Rosita to come instead."

"What?"

"You're biting my head off for the simplest thing I said."

"Looks like this may be a lost cause," she said as she pointed at the bottom half of the glass door which was broken.

That kept the walkers out and whatever walkers inside contained.

"Maybe whoever got in this place left something behind." He learned most people weren't as resourceful as they were and what others saw as useless, they saw as a treasure.

He removed his flashlight from his back pocket and flashed it inside taking a cursory look before entering. There were walkers on the floor that had been put down. There were three circular clothing racks, items on the wall that weren't so clear even with the sunlight from outside.

"When I was out there I used to wonder who they were, what they did. I gave them names, careers, family. It killed the time." Michonne stood over one of the dead.

"None of that stuff matters anymore," he said as he rummaged through the walkers' pockets. He found a pocket knife and shoved it in his own pocket.

"It didn't before but it does now." She stepped over a walker and headed toward the back of the store.

Then he heard her scream and turned just as she tumbled to the ground. The walker she stepped over had a grip on her ankle while another dropped to his knees above her head. She kicked her legs wildly trying to stave off a bite while she held the other walker at arm's length by the neck.

"Hold on," Rick screamed as he took batting practice with the heads of both walkers.

She scrambled to her feet and, just to make sure there would be no more attacks, smashed one of the walker's head with her boot until it was nothing more than a puddle of goo.

"Not sure why no one didn't think these aluminum bats would be a good thing to have but we'll take them." He checked her out.

She bent over and grabbed her sword. "Didn't take James, the insurance salesman who lived vicariously through his kids' sports activities, for the type to take me out like that."

He stared at her in awe as she shook off near death. "Are you okay?" There was a real possibility that he was more rattled than she was. He hated seeing her in danger and tried to keep his eyes on her whenever possible during those times.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's keep looking. The sooner we do this the sooner we can get home."

On another day he would have thought about taking back a few jerseys for the kids in the community but it was strictly about protection this time around.

"Hey," she whispered out. She was standing in front of stairs that led up.

He walked over to her near the check out counter.

"Probably an office or a stock room." She looked up. "Could be something up there."

"I'll go first," he said, ready to move her out of the way but she didn't budge.

"Not necessary."

It wasn't worth the argument so he followed her lead. Slowly, step by step, they ascended the stairs. It was just what she said, an office. It looked untouched by the chaos. Papers in neat stacks on the desk instead of scattered on the floor. No blood. No bodies. On the opposite side of the room, across from the desk, was a brown leather sofa. It wasn't a large space and after looking behind the desk they deemed it secure. She placed her sword on the desk.

"Not sure what we can use up here unless we're trying to give walkers a paper cut." He smiled at her.

He grabbed her hands and walked backwards until he was sitting on the couch. His eyes were locked on hers telling her everything she needed to know about the moment. Scavenging time was over, at least for now. He made her stand between his legs. She removed her hands from his grip and placed them on his shoulders. He lifted the front of her tank top with one hand while the other was splayed against the small of her back. He watched her as she watched his tongue gently lick her skin just below her belly button.

"This isn't the time or place for this." Her voice was soft. If she didn't want this she would simply walk away and he wouldn't object. They both knew that.

"It's always the time and place for this." He smiled. "That's why you're gripping the back of my neck and running your fingers through my hair."

"The body naturally does things the mind isn't aware of."

He slid both hands underneath the front of her shirt and cupped her breasts. They fit perfectly in his hands.

"Oh, like the way your eyes close when I squeeze? And the way your breath becomes ragged and you're practically panting." He didn't wait for an answer as he leaned in and ran his tongue over the sensitive flesh of her stomach. When he ran his tongue along the waistline of her pants she let out a moan.

She pulled herself out of his hold and kicked off her boots and then removed her clothes before getting down on the floor. This wasn't the first time they had sex on a run but they didn't make a habit of it. They were actually quite reserved, professional even, when they were on a mission. But this was the first time for nudity. He usually pulled down her pants and bent her over something.

"We have a sofa here."

"I want the floor." When he stripped down and joined her on the floor she went on. "You can get the dusty, dirty back. I want to be on top."

"If that's the way you want it," he said with a grin. He loved it this way as well. He could watch the expressions on her face, play with her breasts, and he still had access between her legs. The expressions on her face when she was on top somehow seemed more erotic, more intense.

Maybe they weren't speaking as they did before but the sex was probably better than it had ever been. Maybe it was over compensation to ensure each other everything was okay. That they had each other's back and still meant to each other after what they meant to each other before.

Right now, she was telling him everything was okay. She was okay as she did that swirl move where she rotated in a clockwise position while sliding up and down his dick.

"Wow," he whispered.

She smirked. "Thanks."

This was well worth a little dirt on his back. He grabbed her butt and pushed her down as low as she would go, taking the lead on their pace. She leaned forward and braced her hands on the floor on either side of his head. The only sounds in the air was a mixture of their bodies slapping against each other and their moans of pleasure.

She began to slow down and he knew they couldn't finish this way, well she couldn't finish this way. He gave her a little nudge and she climbed off.

"On your knees," he commanded.

She didn't hesitate and as she wiggled her ass at him he couldn't help but give it a nice, loud smack before entering her. Her head hung down as he gripped her waist and repeatedly entered her. With each stroke she grunted. That was another sign, that she was near. Pretty soon she was down on her forearms and her steady grunts turned into a continuous groan as she came. He could feel the difference and soon followed.

As much as they both liked to relax in each other's arms after sex, this wasn't their home back in Alexandria and each moment they were dressed and ready they were vulnerable to an attack. He slid on his clothes and sat on the couch, watching her as she dressed.

"Didn't take you for an ass man," she said as she pulled up her pants.

He had more than a passing fascination with hers when they had sex. Hard not to.

"Didn't realize it myself. But this," he gave her butt a swat. "It would be like standing in front of the pyramids and not appreciating the wonder of it all."

She smiled. "Thanks for the compliment. I didn't know strained conversation and my near death experiences were such a turn on for you." She pulled her tank top down.

"There's a lot you don't know about me."

She stared at him. "I know that was a joke but you know that's not true, right? I know everything about you."

He nodded. She did. All the things that mattered. Not the trivial shit, boring chit chat, conversation starters like where he grew up and how many brothers and sisters do you have. People in Alexandria still asked that shit. Meanwhile, they were out on the road and understood their three questions were far more important than someone's favorite food.

She knew the real stuff. She knew he still cried over losing Hershel. That he hoped Lori was proud of the life he gave Carl and Judith. That he still dreamed his brother was somewhere out there alive and well. That he still had nightmares of Tyreese dying that woke him out of his sleep.

"Come on," he said. "We still have some work to do and we need to get back. I want to make it in time to have dinner with the kids."

She smiled. Family meant everything to her. It could always bring a smile to her face. That was the thing that mattered most to her, he knew that, even if he didn't know a lot of other things.


	19. Inevitable

**A/N: After the _7 Days_ chapter I posted yesterday I figured I needed to offer up a little sweetness. My plan is to close out this one-shot collection at the end of the year (if not sooner). If you have a request, let me know in a comment or over on Tumblr. **

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They made it back home from The Hilltop, unpacked the food from the RV, immediately had a meeting, and then had a three-hour strategy session over their Savior mission. It was a long day that started before the sun came up and didn't end until just after midnight. She loved that her bedroom downstairs had its own bathroom. Throughout the day, she had daydreams about her shower. As the water hit her tense muscles she could feel the mental and physical strain melt away. Selfishly, she remained in the shower until the water went from hot to lukewarm to cold. She walked out of the bathroom, the towel barely covering her still wet body.

"Thought you would never come out," he said.

She jumped and placed her hand over her heart, finally breathing when her mind registered it was Rick. "You scared me."

The room was lit with two candles, one by the bed and the other on the dresser next to the bathroom door. The room was bright but the candles still gave off an eerie feeling as the shadows danced on the wall. She glanced over at the bedroom door; it was closed.

He sitting on the edge of her bed, still dressed down to his boots. He was rarely in a state of relaxation, even in their home, even over the last couple of months when he chose to live and not simply survive. When he chose to see life and not only danger.

"Sorry. Wasn't my intention."

Suddenly, she became self-conscious. She adjusted her towel when she realized she was showing a bit more of her left breast than she wanted. It felt crazy to feel shy about her nakedness when twenty-four hours ago they had sex. Hell, three minutes ago, while in the shower, she replayed her night with Rick about five times. His lips on her inner thighs, her nipples in his mouth, her hands on his butt as he thrust into her. She remembered the head trip it gave her their first time to feel his hands all over her body, quickly from one place to another as if he couldn't decided what he wanted to touch. Just thinking about it caused her body to react. She could feel the intense throbbing between her legs.

"You okay?"

"Um yes. I...I just need to get dressed."

He stared at her for a moment. The look he gave her was a mixture of amusement and incredulity.

She rolled her eyes. "Humor me, okay?" Maybe it didn't make sense to him but there was a difference between sex in the dark in the heat of passion and getting dressed in front of a man she had only known as her friend for the past year in the light.

He stood and turned his back to her, staring at a picture on the wall. She was thinking he would leave the room but he was giving her as much privacy as he cared to give. Everything was on Rick Grimes's terms. Quickly she ran the towel over her body and then grabbed a pair of boxers and a tank top she had left on the bed.

"Okay," she said.

He turned around and took her in. His hands on his hips. Her stomach in a knot, her pulse increasing as his eyes slowly surveyed her body. It felt like he looked at every inch of her. She felt like she was on some pedestal as he checked her out.

She looked down at herself. In her rush to get dressed, her body was still damp and now, so was her tank top in certain spots.

"Why are you down here?" He asked.

"I wanted a shower."

"There's one in the upstairs bedroom."

"I know."

He looked away with a steady nod and looked at her again. "You planned on sleeping in here. Why?"

It was a whirlwind. One moment they were laughing over mints and the next they were kissing and then he carried her upstairs and then they had sex, and they had sex again, and again, and then Jesus, and then everyone including Carl, the road trips, and then the meetings. They didn't have a moment since their relationship changed irrevocably. Hell, _she_ hadn't had a moment alone before that shower. She needed that time.

"We haven't really talked about.."

He took three steps toward her, closing the gap between them. "What is there to talk about?"

His voice had that raspy sound that she enjoyed in her ear the night before. That voice that told her how good she felt, to roll over, that he wanted her again. She wanted to gauge his demeanor, but damn, it was suddenly hard to look him in his eyes.

"Well, we didn't do any talking before either," she said.

"You want to hear the words? That what happened wasn't just physical? It wasn't a one-time thing to let off some steam and pass the time? I thought everything that needed to be said was expressed in that bedroom last night."

"That's ESP not communication. Assumptions, even." She smiled faintly.

"This," he said and took one more step. Now he was so close she could feel his breath on her skin. "This is real."

The warmth of his breath on her damp skin sent shivers down her spine. She looked past him and at the door, eyeing an exit. She bit down on her lip and closed her eyes then jumped at the feel of his hands on her face. He pulled down on her chin, freeing her bottom lip. Her eyes opened as he ran his thumb over her bottom lip. There was so much she wanted to say but complete sentence escaped her. Even words escaped her. Instead, she was awash with emotions like fear, regret, hope, doubt, and even love.

"It's real? Real what?" She asked.

"What do you mean?"

She backed away and sat on the bed. With him so close it was hard to think and she needed to do that. In the past twenty-fours not only was there no talking, there was, at least on her part, no thinking. There was reaction. Reaction to the electricity that surged through her entire body when their hands touched on the couch. The reaction to that small smile he gave her when she looked at him. Her body's reaction to what he did to her in his bed.

"I don't know. You tell me what you meant by it's real."

"I feel like it was natural. Meant to be." He sat on the bed next to her. "Somewhere along the way it changed; it became more. Even with how we do things. I want everyone's input but I don't really seek anyone's approval the way I do yours. I know you know that."

She nodded. She did. She knew she influenced him a little more than the others. She didn't take that lightly and she never manipulated him.

"When I was out there I always thought about coming home to not just the kids, but you too. You waiting up each night for me until I made it home safe. And I got excited knowing you would be there waiting on me. We'd talk about our days. You'd catch me up on the kids. What Carl was feeling, the latest cute thing Judith did. That was as much a part of my day as anything and I loved it."

"Special part of my day, too."

She didn't realized how much of a routine they fell into. There was always a plate of food waiting for him. Sometimes she made him a glass of Scotch on the really hard days just the way he liked it, neat. Once, he looked so battered she gave him a back massage. They kicked their feet up and gossiped about Tara and Denise, Rosita and Abraham, Eric and Aaron. At the time, none of it seemed strange. They were friends. They went through hell together. But now, how could they not see it?

That part of their day was intimate, when the kids were asleep and the house was quiet. With him, she experienced a level of intimacy that wasn't just sex. From their decision-making, her respect for him, his faith in her, even the way they raised the kids. Her relationship with him and her relationship with Carl were the most pure...the least complicated...with candid conversations. It was a breath of fresh hair and sweet relief to be themselves in a world where you always had to tread lightly, literally and figuratively.

"I love you and Carl-"

"You're not comparing your love for me with your love for Carl are you?"

She shook her head. Looked down at her hands in her lap. "No. I love you both but I realize there is a different love going on here." Her heart was in her throat. She looked over at him with a little panic. She said love first. She never said love first. Never. "Right?"

He placed his hand on top of hers and she watched as their fingers intertwined, still in her lap. "Right. When did you realize?"

She laughed. "On the couch last night. You?"

"Same. I think last night was the physical manifestation of what was already there and that's why there was no hesitation once we took that step."

"So this means..." She dug her toes into the carpet.

He smiled. "You still need to hear the words, huh?"

"Yeah, Rick," she said with a nod. "I do."

He leaned in, their lips were touching. "I love you." He gave her a peck on the lips. He pulled back slightly so they could make eye contact "This is real." Another peck. "This is forever. You and me." Then he pushed his tongue between her lips.

He pushed her onto her back and covered half of her body with his. "Can you handle forever? With me?" He kissed down her neck.

"Forever?"

"Mmhmm," he mumbled against her neck. "Not easy loving me."

"I beg to differ."

He lifted his head and looked down at her. "Beg? I recall some of that. I liked that."

Her eyes widened. "You can't do that. You can't use any of that against me."

He slid his hand under her tank top and slowly massaged her breast. "Oh, everything I learned in there I'm using against you. Believe me."

Her eyes closed and she ran her tongue over her lips. Her mouth remained open and she focused on controlling herself. She moaned when he ran his thumb back and forth over her nipple and when he tongue glided over her flesh, just beneath her ear, she nearly jumped out of her skin. She tugged at his shirt, wanting to feel his bare skin against her.

Suddenly, he stood up with a groan or a growl, she wasn't quite sure.

"What?"

"Don't want to start what we can't finish." He looked down at himself and pointed at his shirt. "I still have blood on me. I need a shower, too. Come on."

She remained on her back looking up at him. "There's a shower in here."

"Upstairs."

"Why not here?"

"Upstairs is near the kids."

"That's why down here is best."

He grinned. "I get it, but I like to be near them, especially Judith."

"Okay."

He offered his hands and she placed her hands in his and let him pull her up to her feet. Despite the blood, he pulled her against him and gave her a kiss that was long enough to excite her and short enough to frustrate her.

She followed him up the stairs, holding on to the hem of his shirt. It felt right, with him. It was more than she dared to dream and she couldn't imagine a better man for her. In fact, if not him, she's not sure there was anyone else. No one came close to him.

Once they made it up the stairs he stood to the side and allowed her to enter the bedroom first then he closed the door. "I think you should just move your stuff in."

"Very forward."

"I know what I want." He slapped her butt. "I know what _you_ want too."

She giggled. She fucking giggled. She wasn't even ashamed of it. Only he could make her giggle. "I'm glad you're the only that sees me like this," she said as she removed her boxers and tank top.

"I better be."

She turned and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I was talking about the giggling school girl shit."

He backed her up until she collapsed on the bed. "So was I."

She laughed. "You were not."

"No, but now that you mentioned it, that too. I'm selfish," he said as he tossed his coat on the floor in the corner followed by his shirt. "I want it all."

She smiled as she planted her feet on the bed and spread her legs just enough to give him a view. "It's yours."

He came over and pulled her up off the bed.

"What are you doing?"

"We're getting in the shower."

She laughed. "I've already had my shower."

"You can never be too clean." He pulled her into the bathroom.

"Whatever you say."

They didn't talk as much as she figured they would. Some things weren't about length, it was about getting it right. There was no doubt they were on the same page. There was nothing to analyze, nothing to figure out. He loved her. She loved him.


	20. Ever the Same

**A/N** : _Thank you mintsandapples. Such a nice compliment. I really appreciate it. And for everyone who needed it, I'm glad it was a small blip of happiness on a very dark and emotional season premiere._

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Michonne walked out of the kitchen with her cup of tea. It was a cool early evening; she was dressed in a gray sweatshirt and gray wool socks with her black yoga pants. It kept her warm enough but it wasn't stifling. The house was pretty quiet and empty after their early dinner. That was unusual. Typically, Carl disappeared to his room or went off with Enid while she and Rick entertained Judith on the couch or in their bed and the sounds of her innocent laughter filled them with love reminding them hope and life were not lost. But after they lost their friends to Negan, Carl began to spend more time with the family. Not much more but the effort was noticeable and appreciated.

His anger was noticeable too. She could see it all over his face. It was deep, down to his bones, it was obvious from the way he carried himself, spoke. The tension was in his shoulders and his hands that were usually balled in fists even when he didn't know it. It scared her that he may even try to do something. Rick told her how Carl wanted to take out the saviors who blocked the roads and prevented them from getting Maggie to The Hilltop even though they were outnumbered. He wasn't thinking clearly. He was far more proficient in this life than many adults but he still had a lot to learn and his emotions made him a danger to not only others but himself.

She heard voices outside and walked to the door to find Rick sitting on the steps holding Judith with Carl seated next to them. Judith reached her hand out and played with Carl's hair. It filled her heart with pride to see her family in a moment so mundane they could be the subject of a Rockwell painting. Meanwhile, no little girl could be loved and cherished more. Although neither of them thought to at least put on her sweater and beanie. The air was crisp. Nice for adults but not so much for a little one.

She placed her mug on the bench by the door and went upstairs to retrieve Judith's beige sweater with the flowers around the collar. Dressing Judith was one of her favorite things and it was preferable to Rick and Carl who had no sense when it came to dressing a little girl. Even the end of the world couldn't excuse their fashion faux pas. She made it back to the door and was just about to join them when Rick started talking.

"I wasn't one for affection and talking about my feelings. My dad didn't do that and his dad didn't do that either. I wasn't that good at it with your mom but that's something I never had a problem saying to you. I couldn't stop telling everyone about you, showing you off, bragging on you. You and Judith are the best things I've ever done." He gripped the back of Carl's head. "I love you, Carl."

He placed a kiss on Carl's temple and it was accepted from the dispirited teen. Carl was just as proud of his father's growth, his humanity, and magnanimity as he was his ferocity and willingness to do whatever it took to survive.

"I love you too, dad." He slid closer to his dad and sister.

"This world changes you whether you want it to or not. We spend a lot of time thinking about the bad ways but it changed us is some good ways too."

The light whipping of the wind sent fall-colored leaves rustling across the ground. They matched the color of the sky as the sun began to set. For moments at a time, moments like this, she allowed herself to forget how the world was.

"Hey, when you started dating Michonne you said it was different."

Rick let out a little chuckle.

"What?" Carl asked.

"I...it's just that word, dating. Doesn't seem quite right."

"What word would you use?"

She held her breath as she waited for his answer. She didn't mean to eavesdrop but she couldn't help but listen. She and Rick talked about their relationship. It was one rooted in the known but unspoken most of the time but that was fine because she didn't need constant reassurance from Rick. He loved her. He valued her. Respected her. There was no insecurity on her part, but she was intrigued to hear what he'd tell his son about their relationship and even more intrigued by what different meant.

"Everything." He looked over at Carl. "She's everything."

She watched Rick as he watched Carl process his words.

"I care about her happiness more than my own. I want her to have whatever she wants if it makes her happy, no matter how big or how small. And she saw me screw up time and time again, she saw do me things that made me question myself but she never judged me. It never scared her. Sometimes I think she supported me even more."

"But what makes it different? Different than what? Mom?"

Michonne remained at the door. She and Carl never talked about her role in his life in regards to his mom. She never tried to be that, never tried to replace her because she knew that was irreplaceable. But they did talk about her and he heard her talking to Judith about their mother. The picture they retrieved together from that bar in King County sat near Judith's crib. Though she never met Lori, that time with Carl placed her in a special place in Michonne's heart. She raised a good kid. A selfless and aware kid.

"She's different than your mom but I don't see her as better. No one could love you and your sister more than your mother. It's different than anything I've ever been a part of. Sometimes it's even overwhelming."

"Michonne is overwhelming?"

"No, no," he said quickly. "How I feel about her. She's special."

"How?"

"What? You don't think so?"

"I do but we're talking about you."

"Ah," Rick said with a nod. "Okay. Three things. She's consistent and strong and loving."

"Hey, dad?"

"Yeah son?"

"Is it because you guys never fight?"

"We've disagreed but when we do we aren't on opposite sides. We're always on the same team. Maybe that's why you're right. We don't fight. We just work through it. Make sense?"

"Yeah. I like having her close. When we were at the prison, I would miss her when she was gone. I never told her or anyone else but I used to pray every night she would come back."

"So did I."

She stepped away from the door and went upstairs no longer trusting her ability to fight back the tears. She understood what he meant by overwhelming. To be accepted into this family, by this father and son, which such love, was overwhelming.

Since hearing Rick and Carl's conversation she couldn't keep her hands off Rick. Each time they passed each other few words were spoken between them but her affection was clear with a squeeze of his shoulder, fingers through his hair, rubbing his back. As he approached her, ready to walk past her once again as they prepared for a get together that evening she stood in his path and stopped him. His frown was a mixture of amusement and confusion. She placed her hands around his waist and gave him a smile. He seemed to realize she just wanted a moment, nothing big. He leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on the corner of her mouth but they didn't end their embrace.

"What's gotten into you?" He whispered.

"I appreciate you."

"Oh, we working up to love?"

She pulled her head back slightly so he could see her. "No. I love you but I wanted you to know I appreciate you and everything you do."

It wasn't just the words and feelings about her that he conveyed. It was that he took that time to answer every question his son had with thoughtfulness instead of mollifying answers.

"Judith, look at that," Carl said as he held her up and turned her around so she faced Rick and Michonne. "Can you say yuck? Say yuck."

The kids sat on the couch with a front row seat.

Rick smiled. "If you think that was yuck." He grabbed Michonne's face. "Wait until you see this." He leaned down and kissed her gently then nibbled on her bottom lip.

"Oh, that's more than yuck," Carl said. "That's gross. Disturbing."

Judith squealed.

Michonne laughed against Rick's mouth. Carl pretended to gag but he had a smile on his face. This was normal. This was them. The kisses, the affection, the complete unfiltered truth, this is what their family was, where every feeling and every thought was recognized. Maybe that's why their home became the cool house where everyone seemed to gravitate as of late.

The doorbell rang. She and Rick separated. He looked down at his watch. "Right on time."

He answered the door and was followed into the living room by Gabriel, Rosita, Tara, Eugene, Aaron and Eric. Greetings and hugs went around. Michonne's longest hug was for Tara would came back to a completely new world, newer than the one she left from the savior compound. While she was gone she lost the woman she loved and Glenn, who was her best friend. Maggie wasn't at The Hilltop. Abraham was gone. It was a lot for someone who just began to feel like part of this family and not someone on the periphery feeling like an outsider.

It was movie night and thanks to Tara, Judith would be introduced to _The Incredibles_.

"Are we ready?" Rick looked back at them all sitting around the living room.

"Yes," they all said together.

Even Judith got in a yes after everyone else's, which made them all laugh.

Rick put the movie in the DVD player and sat back in his spot at the end of the couch with his arm around Michonne who had her feet up on the coffee table. Carl placed a pillow in Michonne's lap and lay his head down while Judith sat on his stomach. Their small family unit was on the couch together but they were surrounded by the rest of their family all seated near them.

Rosita and Tara shared a blanket as they sat with Eugene on the floor to the left of the couch. Aaron and Eric slid the small couch that was usually near the window closer to the group. Gabriel sat in the chair to the right of the couch. None of them were ready to be alone. They stayed close; they were tighter than ever.

Michonne ran her fingers through Rick and Carl's hair. She was desperate for Carl to get a haircut but she knew it wasn't just for style's sake. It was a bit of a shield. When he was ready he would do it.

There's a knock on the door.

"I got it." Carl hopped up with Judith in his arms.

He returned followed by Enid who tickled Judith's feet then sat on the floor in front of Carl. The room received a rather muted hello but Carl got a genuine smile from her. Rick wasn't impressed with her despondent disposition but Michonne understood it. She had a lot of respect for Enid. After watching her parents die in front of her she survived out there. Alone. Michonne reflected on her own solitude out there. Sometimes amazed at her will to live. Just as most people did with Carl, they probably underestimated Enid's trauma and her strength. They had to be respected as more than kids in this new world but, for Michonne, she fought to treat them like kids from time to time. She found they enjoyed not having the world on their shoulders sometimes even if they feigned

After Carl comfortably resumed his place on the couch Michonne lay her hand on Carl's shoulder. He took her hand and placed it back on his head. She smiled and began running her fingers through his hair again.

The previews ended and while everyone else was engrossed in her favorite animated movie Michonne took in her family. There was Aaron, who did as much as anyone to bridge the gap between them and the Alexandrians, admitting he lost his pack and taking blame for the initial attack on Alexandria when they all looked at Rick with scorn. There was Gabriel, who was convinced he settled the dichotomy between priest and killer. She wasn't so sure; it hit when you felt you had come to terms with taking a life.

Rosita was lost when Abraham left her but after his death she found something she probably wasn't aware she had. Strength to stand on her own. It seemed she and Eugene both felt their lives from here on out would be in honor of Abraham. Then there was Rick, who wouldn't allow them to stay under Negan's rule forever but wouldn't let it eat away at him. He would bide his time and love his family in the meantime.

Rick looked over at caught her staring at him. He leaned closer. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "Nothing."

He didn't buy it and told her with a simple look.

"It's just, even after everything that's happened...I'm still happy," she whispered. It was a far cry from the denial she first had after losing their friends.

"So am I." He leaned even closer so now their noses were touching. "Think we can disappear for a bit?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Not that." He placed a kiss on her lips so quick she didn't have time to react.

That was probably for the best. They had a room full of family to enjoy, sneaking off to their bedroom would have been horrible manners and terribly embarrassing for Carl. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Judith fighting to free herself from Carl's hold.

"I got her," she said to Carl so he would let her go.

She made her way to Michonne, no detour as she crawled over Carl's face. Michonne smiled as she positioned Judith in her lap, her back against Michonne's chest as she reclined comfortably.

She looked up at Rick. "Can't leave now." She was a pillow for both their kids and she never felt more needed.


	21. Everlasting

_**A/N:** This is for the Guest who wanted a sequel to "Home Walked Out the Door."  
_ _I can't find the request, but somewhere someone asked for a Penny follow-up. I'm not sure what I'll write about, lol. But I accept the challenge. Can't say when it'll be posted._ _  
_

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He couldn't stop pacing. In his bedroom. Out in the back yard. And now on the front porch. Back and forth he went with Judith in his arms. "She'll be back soon. The sun is about to go down and she said she'd be back before sundown," he said to Judith. It was his poor attempt of trying to calm his own nerves by talking to Judith.

Meanwhile, she sucked on her pacifier and took in the world around her. It was like her head was always on a swivel. She was ready for this world and she didn't even know how bad it was. She lost one mother. He didn't want her to lose another. Another? He ran his hand over his face. Never had he thought of Michonne having that role in her life. Maybe subconsciously he knew she was that person. She was the woman in their home. The one who tucked her in at night and told her she loved her. He just never put a word to it.

He thought he lost her once. When he saw her vest and her hair on that walker it was the first time he lost hope. When she was pulled out of that van and thrown to her knees it felt like the final coffin. He had never been without options, without a way out or the confidence that he could make everything okay.

He saw Carl running his way and descended the stairs of their home to meet him.

"Dad, Michonne is back," he said. "And she's hurt."

He handed Judith to Carl, not saying a word before he rushed down the street in the direction Carl just ran from. He didn't know where she was but he was anxious to find her. He turned the corner and saw her being assisted by Eric and Aaron but they weren't coming from the direction of the gate. They were barely visible in the last rays of the day's light.

"What happened?" His eyes were lasers focused on Aaron, who failed to protect her. He knew it was a mistake to let her go out with him.

She answered for him. "Running from walkers and I cut my leg on a piece of tin sticking out from a house. I'm fine. Rosita stitched me up."

He turned his attention to her. "What? You went to the infirmary and didn't bother to tell me you were back? How long have you been back?"

She and Aaron seemed to both realize their colossal lapse in judgment by not notifying Rick of their return.

"Rick, I'm sorry," Aaron said. "I should have made sure you knew while Michonne was being tended to. I'm very sorry. You must have been really worried."

"You think?" He sneered at him. "See you didn't fail to make sure your boyfriend knew you were back."

"Rick," Michonne said with a sigh.

He hated when she did that. It was like being reprimanded. It was passive aggressive. Now wasn't the time for her to act like she had the moral upper hand.

Eric, whose contact with Rick was minimal, interjected. "Why don't we help you get Michonne home."

"I got her." He pulled her from Aaron and Eric's arms and placed his arm around her waist and put her arm around his neck.

"No need to talk like I'm invisible. I'm standing right here," she said.

"Barely," Rick grunted.

He left Aaron and Eric standing on the sidewalk. As angry as he was, he made sure to keep her comfort at the forefront. He walked slowly, allowing her time to hobble against him. What he really wanted was to pick her up and get her home but he knew that she would not allow herself to look weak. They didn't speak the rest of the way back to the house but he didn't miss her sneak a few glances his way.

Carl was sitting on the porch in the rocking chair with Judith. "Are you okay?"

"No," Rick answered. "She's not."

"What's wrong? Are you going to be okay?" Carl stood up.

She released a deep sigh. "Yes, I'm fine. Just a little cut and a few stitches. Rosita took care of me."

Carl looked doubtful.

"I promise. I would never lie to you."

"Carl if you want to keep talking you'll have to follow us inside. I need to get her in bed."

"No bed," she said as Carl held the door open for them. "The couch."

"I'll go get you some magazines or something," Carl said.

Unless he recently found some magazines, those wouldn't be of use to her. She read those magazines so much that she memorized the articles and the captions.

"You need to be in bed."

"The couch, Rick," she said firmly. "And you shouldn't worry him like that just to try and make me feel bad."

He didn't respond as he hesitantly removed his hands from her, waiting to make sure she could stand up right without him.

She placed her hand on his arm and gently squeezed. "Rick, I'm sorry you were worried. I wasn't thinking."

"You're right you weren't thinking." He placed a pillow against the arm of the chair then guided her to the couch so she could rest her back against it. Gently he placed her legs up on the couch. "Did Rosita give you any pain medicine?"

"Yes."

"Tell me, how long have you been back here?"

"About an hour," she said softly.

He shook his head and bit down on his lip so hard to prevent himself from saying anything bad he was sure he almost drew blood. "An hour. You didn't think Carl and I would want to know the moment you got back? You knew I was losing my mind before you left."

"I know. I'm sorry."

He went to the kitchen and returned with a glass of water. "Take your pain medicine."

"I already had one at the infirmary. It's not time for another one yet."

He hastily placed the glass on the coffee table spilling some of the water.

"No more. No more going out." He shook his head firmly.

"You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not kidding."

"The decision has already been made."

"The decision has been _made_?" She shook her head. "That's not going to happen. I'm going to keep going out whenever I'm needed."

She was beyond frustrating at this moment. There was no doubt in his mind she was in more danger than she and Aaron admitted and now she was sitting here telling him she would do it again and she didn't care how he felt.

"You always talk about wanting to make things easy for me. Want to help me? How about doing what you're told." He snapped at her. His voice was louder than he planned.

The mood of the room changed. She stared at him. He couldn't recall a time he ever raised his voice at her. Not even when they first met, when he didn't trust her he never yelled. He watched as Carl took Judith and the magazines back upstairs. He hated seeing that look on his face. It was like being transported back in time when he caught Rick and Lori arguing. Then he looked back at Michonne's face and all he could think was _fuck_. Their second fight and they were both going to happen in the same day.

He walked over and sat on the coffee table. "You love me, right?"

She nodded her head.

"And that's why you're going to let that slide?"

She didn't say anything but she remained open to wherever he was going with this at least. Her face was blank. He couldn't read it. He knew her well enough to know what her face wasn't telling was a bundle of not so nice thoughts about him and he received them loud and clear.

"Because you know that was not like me?"

"Yes."

"You know I'd never be so stupid as to raise my voice to you?"

"Yes."

"Because you know I worship the ground you walk on?"

"You better."

He leaned in and kissed her letting his mouth linger against hers a little longer. He didn't have words so he just kissed her lips over and over. He lay his forehead against hers. "Finding you in all of this...was everything." He whispered against her lips. "And the thought of losing you," he said as he held his head down. "Too much to even think about."

He felt her hand though his hair.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I never thought there would be a world without Glenn until there was. I thought Abraham was as close to immortal as someone could be but he's gone. So don't tell me I can't lose you too. Not now. Not with him out there."

"I understand all of that but we can't keep living like this. Feeling like this. Afraid to do what needs to be done."

"Can't pretend it's not a real threat."

"I agree but we can't sit around obsessing over him. I don't want every moment of our lives consumed by him, taking the oxygen out of every room and all the joy out of each moment. We'll deal with him and this new reality but we won't give up our happiness."

"In the future."

"The future is now."

"You're right." He nodded. "So tell me what happened out there."

"It was fine for the most part."

"Until?"

She smiled. "Sometimes it's just bad luck."

"Not this time though," he said as he saw Carl holding Judith at the top of the stairs. "Carl, come down. Michonne was just about to tell me what happened out there."

"It's safe?"

Rick smiled. "It's safe."

Carl sat on the coffee table next to Rick. They all watched as Judith's body went limp and she whined as she wiggled out of Carl's arms in a mini tantrum. She took a step between Carl and the couch and her hands landed on Michonne's stomach as she steadied herself.

"Be careful, Judith." Rick held her at her waist.

"She's fine." Michonne pulled Judith up and adjusted her in her arms in an attempt to protect her injured leg. "She's more than fine," she whispered her as she ran her hand over her head.

"So what happened?" Carl asked.

"We came across this minivan just off the road. Looked like it was recently abandoned but it had supplies in it. Aaron and I were packing the last of what he found when a couple of people, Saviors, appeared."

"How did you know they were Saviors?" Carl asked.

"They told us everything we found was Negan's."

Rick wanted to punch something or even better, kill Negan and all his brain-dead spineless followers.

"What happened?" Carl asked. "How did you get away?" He leaned forward.

"Aaron shot them."

"Won't they know it was us who killed them?" Carl asked. "I mean, no one else had the guts to take them on. Who else would kill Saviors?"

"We made sure some walkers ate on them, especially around their wounds. It's how the walkers got so close to us. We had to make sure they ate the Saviors. We basically held the dead Saviors up in front of us."

Rick couldn't believe what he was hearing and then Judith started clapping. "Don't encourage her, Judith."

Michonne and Carl smiled.

"There were more than we realized. They had the path to the car blocked off. We had to made a wide detour. It took a lot of running." She shrugged and looked up at Rick. "As usual, we made it." She looked over at Carl. "We always make it, right?"

He smiled. "Right."

She reached out and placed her hand on Rick's knee. She was always so optimistic. She had been that way since they lost the prison. Seemed when everyone else was at their lowest, she managed to be her most confident and determined. She was that shining light that led them to where they needed to be, not just physically but emotionally as well.

It was strange how there were so many reactions to Negan and their loss. Some were paranoid and afraid to sleep at night. Others walked around as if they were invincible and ready to fight. Others were devastated and numb.

"You can't underestimate them. I know you know that," Rick said.

"I won't. I'm just not afraid anymore. I've worked hard to feel this way. I've earned it."

"But you still need to be careful."

She nodded. "Careful but not afraid."

That's all he could ask for and as long as his family was safe, that was all he needed.


	22. Scars and Mercy

_**A/N** : Just felt like writing and posting. I'm not sure I'll update this story again this Sunday. I hope you guys enjoy. _

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It had been weeks since they last saw Carol and Morgan. He understood why Carol needed to be away. He had been there, in that lost state of mind, many times before. Since the night he killed Shane, Rick had never been the same. It became easier to end a life if that life threatened those he loved. It got to where he didn't hesitate, didn't blink, and definitely didn't give it another thought once it was done. But he didn't get the luxury of taking a break because there was always another threat and his family had to be protected. Not everyone could walk away. Sometimes being alone was a curse, but some times, in this world, it was a blessing to have no one to worry about.

He didn't realize how much Carol needed to be away from the group until she risked her life out there alone to take that break. He was so caught up in war, Negan, Alexandria, and nursing Carl back to health he didn't notice her breakdown. In fact, anytime anyone but Michonne suffered he didn't notice. He didn't notice Sasha's trauma. He was blind to Maggie's despair while they were on the road. He failed to see that Tyreese lost his fight.

Carol seemed to be happier here at The Kingdom. Rick couldn't remember the last time he saw a smile on her face, a genuine one, not the fake one she put on for the Alexandrians. Maybe one day she would return home. He wanted her back because she was family. Morgan was a different story. He wasn't sure the trust he lost in Morgan could ever be restored. That was unfortunate because he considered Morgan a friend. He barely knew him back in King County but he felt a connection. Each time they met up again it was like meeting for the first time because one of them or both of them had changed.

He wasn't sure who the man who stood before him was this time. Morgan killed to save Carol and Rick appreciated it. But what did that mean? Was he done telling others how to live their lives? How to save their lives?

"You were right about the retribution from our plan." Rick nodded his head slowly. "But this alliance is necessary."

It wasn't hard to admit their plan to attack the Saviors caused a lot of pain. It also caused blood shed, but he was certain blood would be spilled and it was only a matter of time whether they attacked first or simply reacted.

"It's not." Morgan shook his head. "The alliance, that's a good thing, but the rest..."

"The leader of your new home thinks so. Shouldn't that give you a clue?"

Ezekiel was just as determined to get from under Negan's oppression. He could put on his eccentric act and play king but Rick could see the pride in Ezekiel's eyes and pride like that did not allow a man to be content with being subservient to another man. It was the same pride and need to be in control Rick had, especially when surrounded by so many people who didn't understand the brutality of the world and that it was equal brutality, not hugs and kindness, that was needed to combat it.

"Whatever the plan, Rick, you don't have to go to war. Do you?"

Rick stared off into the distance. He'd had enough of this holier than thou bullshit. "I think you don't want to fight because it means you'd have to kiill. And you don't want to do that because you don't know how to stop. You're afraid."

"Rick," Michonne said softly as she stepped up and became visible in his periphery.

Rick continued. "Yeah, that's it. You're afraid you'll relapse or something and not know how to stop. Go back on one of your clearing binges. Why I kill and why you killed weren't close to being the same. My reasons made sense. Yours were the actions of a crazy man who lost his way."

"Rick." Michonne shook her head just a tad. Her voice was a tad more forceful.

Morgan smiled a bit. Or maybe it was a grimace. Maybe it was the reaction to the gut check Rick just landed. "There's always another way."

"And what do you think we should do? Work for Negan?"

"I'm sure had you talked to him before there could have been some kind of deal."

Rick looked over at Michonne. "Am I hearing this right?"

She sighed but didn't speak.

"Rick, it's not a binary decision...killed or be killed."

"Seemed to be the case when you killed the guy who was about to kill Carol. What? Talking didn't work? You think if we invited Negan over for dinner we could have worked out some sort of deal? Maybe shake on it over dessert and coffee? The only deal would have been working for a sadistic asshole. That's acceptable to you?" He took a step toward Morgan.

Morgan surveyed The Kingdom. "These people don't kill and they live a nice, peaceful life."

"That's okay with you? You would live under the rule of a man who decided on whim whether you lived?"

"It's not a whim. No matter how cruel, it's calculated. And living with him means being equally calculated. And calm."

Rick pinched the bridge of nose, not believing how out of touch Morgan was. "He killed people," he said slowly as if that would make Morgan comprehend.

"I killed people. You killed people. Killing is killing. No matter who does it or why."

"You think we're the same as Negan? What world are you living in? Because it's certainly not the one I'm living in."

"Maybe Negan feels like he was defending himself and his people. Maybe he feels you came unprovoked and killed his men in the middle of the night."

"Maybe Negan feels that way or you, Morgan? Ask Sasha and Daryl if our attack was _unprovoked_."

"We all have our ways of handling things, Rick." Michonne placed her hand on Rick's shoulder.

"Yeah, the right way and the stupid way."

She stepped closer to Morgan but faced Rick. "You can't force people to go against their beliefs. They have to live with crossing their personal line. Not you."

He looked over at her, not believing what he was hearing from her. "What? You're a conscientious objector now too?" He shook his head and walked over to sit on a bench. Over in the distance he could hear the choir singing. A fucking choir. He wanted Ezekiel's help. Needed it. But he felt like he was at Bellevue. He was still in ear shot as Michonne and Morgan kept talking.

"People aren't made to kill. It's not natural. Something goes wrong. The pain. That's what causes it. Messes up the wiring in your brain or something." He looked to Michonne. "If you do too much, you can't come back from it."

She nodded. "Yeah."

"Yeah? Yeah, what?" He looked at Michonne. "Yeah, you agree or-"

"Yeah, I understand why you feel the way you do. And maybe there's a better way. Whatever works."

Morgan nodded his head. The encouragement was all over his face. "I think we can find a better way."

Rick sighed. Morgan was beyond exasperating. Was he trying to brainwash Michonne now? He already screwed up Carol.

"Thank you."

"So we're clear, I always want Rick to be his better self, but your way of thinking could get someone killed. I'm going to make sure it's no one I love."

Morgan held his head down momentarily before looking up at her and nodding. "Understood."

"When there are people you love you're less willing to hold to some idealized notion of humanity."

"That's when you should hold onto it the most. That's what Glenn did, with Nicholas."

"I disagree but I'm not going to stand here and have a philosophical debate with you. And I'm certainly not going to discuss Glenn with you." She began to walk away, toward Rick, but stopped and turned back to Morgan. "In this world, if you hesitate...if you don't finish things, it comes back to hurt the ones you love. See, it never hurts you. It makes sure you live to feel the pain of not doing what had to be done. What you _knew_ was your job to do. You're in it whether you want to or not because that's the cost of living."

"What's the cost?"

"The pain of death. Whether you take the life or not, you feel it."

Morgan nodded and left without another word. Michonne turned and looked at Rick, tossing him a smile. She walked over and stood in front of him. "Can I sit?"

"No." Even he could feel his pout and he struggled not to crack a smile. He hated that he was so annoyed by Morgan. So frustrated by him. Their relationship took one step forward and always suffered two steps back. He was certain of one thing, and he didn't like that he was so sure, but he didn't want Morgan back in Alexandria. Not this version of him, anyway.

Her smile widened and she sat next to him. "I'm with you. You know that. I just think we can find a different way. Rolling up to the Savior's compound isn't going to work."

He grunted.

"Not everyone needs to kill."

"I know that. I get that. I just don't need his God complex. I'm okay with him not wanting to kill. I'm not okay with him trying to convert people."

"I think that ended when he killed to save Carol."

"It seemed in full effect just now." He mocked Morgan. "People aren't meant to kill."

She giggled. "Be nice."

He loved when she giggled. She didn't do it often so he felt like he did something to earn it. It made him proud to give her even a moment of happiness, to feel carefree. She deserved it.

"We can't all be the same, think the same."

"That's exactly how it should be."

She shook her head. "No. We must be harmonious, not synonymous."

He frowned.

She briefly placed her hand on his knee but removed it when two people walked by. "We each play our role when we come together."

He groaned. "I swear you were one of those quack motivational life coaches in the past life...getting people to pay you to tell them things they already knew."

"It's not what you say. It's how you say it. You know," she said with a smile. "everyone can't do. Just because someone needs to hear something doesn't mean they'll receive the message from anyone. _You_ shouldn't be the one to tell the hard truth."

"What?" He frowned.

"You have a brusque way about you sometimes. You can make good morning sound like a death sentence."

He grunted.

"That's all you got for me? Grunting? You've been hanging around Daryl too long."

"You really like to give me the business, don't you?"

"I do." After a moment of silence she spoke again. "I like this."

"Like what?"

"Having moments not dominated by Negan, Saviors, attack plans, losing people. I don't want us to lose _us_ in all this."

He shook his head. "We won't. Not after everything we've been through. I won't forget to appreciate having you."

He leaned in half expecting her to pull away. A pat on the knee or brief hand-holding was one thing but he didn't think he'd get away with a kiss in front of people they didn't know.

"Kiss me," she whispered.

"Happy to oblige," he whispered against her lips before kissing her.

She pulled back, her eyes still closed. "You're good at that."

"All about having the right partner."

She stood up. "Come on, it's almost time to eat. Ezekiel swears by this kale salad with pomegranate champagne vinaigrette."

"What?" He shook his head.

"Might be nice." She smiled. "Better than dog meat."

"This place." He shook his head in wonder as he took her hand and allowed her to help pull him to his feet. "Can't wait to get back to Alexandria tomorrow."

"Clean your plate and I'll give you dessert back in our room," she said softly. The innuendo beyond obvious.

"Consider it done."

She laughed. "You're easy."

"Just know what I like."

They walked down the sidewalk. He was half a step behind her. They had only been there for a day and she seemed to know the layout like the back of her hand.

"So do I. I like the man who invited Morgan to live with us and let him hold a baby. The guy who didn't leave Jesus in a tree after he tried to steal a truck full of supplies from you."

"Yeah, I know you do." His family made him want to be that man.

"No matter what happens, I always want him around. To be honest, I don't just like him. I love him. I love him a lot."

That still rocked him. To hear her say she loved him, loved him in a way that was different than everyone else, was overwhelming enough to make him a little dizzy and breathless sometimes. He saw Morgan practicing his moves with a teenager. The kid seemed to do something correctly and a grin spread over his face. Rick looked over at Michonne. Maybe he could tolerate Morgan.


	23. Nightmare on Repeat

_**A/N:** This for an Anon on Tumblr request, I hope it's what you were looking for. Decided to finish this today. Meanwhile, it's 15 minutes till 7x04...am I about to fall asleep?! So tired. _

* * *

"Rick, I still can't get over your life." Negan stood next to Rick. He shook his head and placed his hands on his hips. "Electricity, fancy homes, porch swings, and flowers."

Alexandria was a beautiful place and the spirit was equally impressive except on days like this. Days when he was here. Suddenly, possibilities became limited and life became oppressive. He had just been here three days prior. He had a habit of showing up unexpected. Everyone's morning probably started by wondering if they'd get a visit from Negan. He was a perpetual black cloud over their lives. Thinking of his visit and what he _could_ do was often worse than his actual presence.

When he and his men arrived they tried to make sure no one was alone. If something happened, they tried to protect each other and stand up for each other. The last thing they needed was for someone, especially a woman, trapped alone in a home with these monsters.

They both watched as Carl took care of Judith. She was probably upset which was why Carl walked back and forth, seemingly bouncing her. Gabriel stood near them keeping watch. Since the day he protected her during the herd, Gabriel had become close to not only Judith but Rick and Carl as well. Rick felt no hesitation in calling him a friend.

"You got two healthy kids in this fucked up world." He turned his head slightly. "Have a wife?"

"No," he answered immediately. He was fearful he may have answered it too quickly.

"Shame. Pickings are definitely slim around here but I've seen a few possibilities." He glanced over in the direction of Rosita, Michonne, and Sasha who stood in the back of the pantry, per Negan's instructions.

The pantry was bare and he prayed he wouldn't want another of his offerings. They still did some minimal trading with The Hilltop but he'd prefer Gergory not be in charge. With Maggie there full time, he hoped she would talk some sense into him, make him see the error in his leadership style.

"I mean, why choose? I find my wives enjoy not being the only one. And it keep things fresh for me. Everyone has their own talents."

Rick looked over to see him staring at the women. For people like Negan and his men, women were nothing more than another possessions. He was surprised Negan hadn't wanted to take them back along with the canned goods and weapons. He wouldn't put it past him.

There was no way he would allow Negan to set his focus on anyone else close to him. That he knew Carl and Judith were his was already too much to handle. But he knew sooner or later, Negan would find out about Michonne. It was only a matter of time before he possibly arrived before the day started to find Michonne in her robe, the family around the table eating breakfast. Negan tortured him by making him agree to cut off his son's arm. His mind wasn't sadistic enough to know how Negan, if given the chance, would use Michonne against him.

"You know," Negan said as he took a few steps forward. "I wouldn't mind taking that little home with me."

Everyone reacted. It was gut instinct. Judith was more than Rick's daughter and Carl's sister. They had all spent so much time with her. Rosita gripped her knife at her waist. Sasha's hands were balled into fists and he could see her taking deep breaths, chest heaving, out of the corner of his eye. And Michonne, she took steps forward. He wasn't sure if she was moving toward Judith or Negan.

Negan turned and noticed the change in them all. "Did I say something wrong?" He laughed. "I always do, I guess. Not that I give a shit. I'm gonna go see my girl."

Rick took a step.

"No," Negan said. "You stay here."

The desperation surged through his body. His eyes darted around landing on no particular person or thing. Ever so slightly, he shook his head in denial that soon his daughter would be in Negan's arms. The hair stood up on the back of his neck and his arms. It became hard to swallow. His muscles locked from stress and fear.

Rick held his head down and bit down on his lip willing himself to remain silent and calm. The four of them watched him walk over to the kids. His back was to them. Carl and Gabriel both looked over at Rick as Negan held his arms out for Judith. With the slightest nod before bowing his head, Rick told them it was okay. Actually, it was far from okay but what choice did he have?

"We have to do something," Sasha said. "We can't let him just-"

"There's nothing to do," Rick said. "If I make a big deal out of it, if I even say anything, he really will take her."

"Right now he's just playing head games," Rosita said.

He nodded his head. "That's right, Rosita."

Negan had aweird fascination with Rick and it extended to his family, especially Carl and now it seemed to Judith. Negan would use anyone close to him to make sure Rick remained subservient. He may have settled into the role of the inferior man. For his family's well-being, he would do anything but he'd never become a sycophant like his followers.

He looked back when he realized Michonne hadn't said anything. She was viciously protective of Carl and Judith. He knew it burned her to see him even look in their direction. She was the mother's touch when Judith was fussy, when she wouldn't stop crying for anyone but Michonne. She was a mother bear and they were her cubs.

Negan walked back to the pantry with Judith still in his arms. He walked past Rick and to the women who stood in a line side by side. He stood before Rosita. He moved along and stood before Sasha. Once he moved and stood in front of Michonne it didn't take a second for Judith to reach for her. Rick cringed, briefly closing his eyes.

"Huh," Negan said. He smiled at Rick and turned back and looked at Michonne. "Interesting."

He gave Judith to Michonne and walked back over to Rick. "Your boy. He's just like you. Doesn't know when he's holding the losing hand." He ran his finger over his lips as he stared over at Carl with a look of admiration and it killed Rick inside. "Yeah, even after seeing Lucille in action and while I tied that belt around his arm I could see it in his eyes...flashes of absolute fucking defiance."

"He's a kid."

"Oh, that makes him no less dangerous." He slapped Rick in the chest. "That kid wants to kill me as much as you." He leaned in and lowered his voice. "And I know you still want to kill me. That you would if you could. But the thing is, at least now you know it's not a possibility."

Rick held his head. "He's lost a lot."

"I saw that. An eye. That's fucked up." Negan laughed. "But seriously, it's unbelievable really. In the face of everything. I don't know if he has the largest sets of balls or he's just plain stupid. I supposed those two are one in the same."

"I'll...I'll talk to him," Rick mumbled, head still down and eyes looking off to the side.

"You do that. I'd hate to have to take him on a ride." He walked away.

Rick watched him walk off alone, a solitary figure so powerful he didn't bother to walk with any of his henchmen. What would they do? What could they do? They didn't have weapons and there were too many to take down with hand-to-hand combat.

Sasha stared at Rick. "Can't bide time forever. There will come a time when we will do something. I will." She glanced around the pantry at everyone before walking off without saying another word.

Rick knew she was angry. Just as angry as Maggie. As angry as Michonne. He looked over as Rosita walked away as imagined she was equally angry. There was something about the anger in women. It was so cold and calculated. It was scarier than anything he'd ever seen.

All Rick wanted Negan to do was leave and forget about Judith going to Michonne. Forget about his son. Stop with the games because he was in charge, Rick submitted, and Alexandria was under his control. But that wasn't possible because he couldn't get over making Rick the object of his torture. It was no longer about ensuring Rick wasn't a threat; it was simply for entertainment.

Michonne joined him. He gave her and Judith each a kiss on the forehead.

Carl entered the pantry. "Dad, are you okay?"

It broke him even more that his son felt compelled to check on him when he should have been asking that question. "What did he say to you?"

Carl shook his head. "He said one day he could see me as one of his leaders. That I'd be a good lieutenant."

Rick placed his hand on Carl's shoulder. "That's never going to happen."

"I'm not worried about it dad."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Dad you said I'm a man. You taught me to be that. I can't pretend I'm not. I'll never respect him."

"Son, I'm not asking you to respect him."

Carl took Judith from Michonne's arms. "I won't fear him either."

Rick and Michonne watched him walk off. Since that night he had become distant. He wouldn't talk about it. Didn't cry. Said he was okay.

"I don't know what to do about him. What if he tries something?"

Michonne moved and stood before him. "He's smart."

"He's a kid." He knew Carl couldn't keep his emotions in check.

"He's your boy. He'll do the right thing." She placed her hand on his hip. "I know it's hard for you to bow down when all you want to do his rip his insides out...literally, but the time will come when you get to act on what you're feeling and what you're thinking."

He studied her. He wondered how. How did she know? He told no one. Wasn't ready. Felt it necessary for them to believe his new role just as much as Negan. He he broke him down out in the woods, and there was no doubt he did, that was real. That night and a couple of days after Rick didn't know how to come back from it. The loss was devastating. The pain unbearable and the guilt was suffocating. But by the time Negan made his first visit to Alexandria he was determined to right this wrong. Negan and his group was far more formidable than he realized and he would do his due diligence in learning what they were dealing with before taking the Saviors on.

She smiled. "I know you."

He nodded. "You do."

"At first, I was worried. I thought you had accepted this as our life. That you weren't even trying to see a way."

He needed to believe they could do it for himself before he allowed anyone else to think it possible to defeat Negan.

"I know and I know it's not easy for _you_ to pretend but our time will come." He pulled her into him and she wrapped her arms around his waist. "We've been through so much and it means a lot that you've always been there for me."

"Where else would I be? We got this."

"He knows. He knows about you."

"Doesn't matter. Nothing we can do about it. Besides," she pulled back and looked up at him. "I'm never going to feel bad about her reaching for me."

He smiled. "As long as your priorities are in place."


	24. Target Practice

_**Author's Note** : I've been tinkering with this for a while and wanted to post it last weekend but I got sick. For me, a viral infection is the bubonic plague. I mean, I need people to bring me tea in bed and everything. I'm a mess and love to prove the strong black woman thing is a dirty lie. Be weak. Be tired. Be vulnerable. Be protective of your time and health. Anywho, the requests I received in comments and on Tumblr are coming...eventually. Hope everyone is enjoying time with their family during this Thanksgiving holiday. _

* * *

It had been six days since Michonne found a rifle and a can of .223 Remington full metal jacket boat tail ammo in the roof space of an old house deep in the woods near Alexandria. She asked him if he would _allow_ her to keep it. He silently wondered if this was the only one. It hurt to question whether she was being honest but she planted the seed of doubt when she feigned innocence about the rifle she eventually admitted to having that he handed over to Negan. Now he was about to watch her take target practice.

Though they'd been through this school before, they were still careful. This was once a place of refuge but the people didn't make it and the rest probably cleared out when the food was gone and those with the skill to fight died or abandoned them. Actually, he was careful, slowing down before passing a door to prevent any surprises. Danger was everywhere. One minute it's safe; the next it's not. But not her. Michonne walked as if they were back in Alexandria behind walls. Seeing the way she handled walkers on the way to the school reminded him of Sasha's reckless behavior when they were on their way to D.C. Michonne didn't even have her katana off her back which is why the walker that appeared out of a classroom to her right took her by surprise.

She held it back, preventing it from biting her but she wasn't able to grab her weapon. She didn't have a solid hold on it and if she loosened her grip to get a better hold on the walker she would be bitten. Rick stepped forward and put his machete to its skull just as his mouth was inches from Michonne's shoulder then watched him fall to the floor at her feet. She looked over at him then proceeded to walk down the hall. He didn't expect a thank you, that was unnecessary, but he did expect her to be more alert and that didn't happen.

"You should have stayed. What if he shows up early again?" She walked on.

"People don't seem to have much faith in me anyway," he said softly. That wasn't why he left Alexandria with her. If he thought there was a chance of Negan visiting he wouldn't have left. His children needed him. Carl proved he didn't know when to act and when to keep his mouth shut. Bragging about their abilities was useless if not stupid. Besides, with the number of Negan's people they took out, Negan knew exactly what kind of people he was dealing with. Carl still hadn't learned how to control that fire until it was time to fight.

"You didn't have to come."

He noted she didn't bother to dispute his comment regarding his usefulness. If nothing else, his ability to take the brunt of Negan's torture took the pressure off others and that was valuable even if the community couldn't appreciate it. He took the degradation and humiliation. Suffered with an ego that was beyond bruised. And maybe he was broken but he took it better than anyone else could. Humiliating Rick gave Negan more joy than killing anyone else. So he would take it. He would say thank you and please, and not look at Negan with hate-filled eyes because if it kept people alive. He could take it. It was worth it.

They entered the cafetorium. Tables and chairs were scattered about along with blankets, pillows, and sleeping bags.

"You want to learn, right?" Rick asked as he used safety pins found in a teacher's desk to pin pieces of paper to use as targets on the blue curtain on stage.

"I got it."

"No, you don't. If you had it you wouldn't still be out here. Once you learn you never forget."

She spent a lot of her days outside the walls. It was almost like being back at the prison. She needed to be away. Needed a mission that caused her to not be around people. Maybe that included him.

He stood to the side and watched her. It was best to see what she did before he was able to make any suggestions. All he knew was that she wasn't as good as she wanted to be or she wouldn't keep wasting the ammo even if Eugene had the ability to make more. Before she took the first shot he could see how tense her shoulders were and the stress on her face.

It took a few missed shots for him to see her problems. She lowered the weapon and rolled her neck. He walked over and stood behind her massaging her shoulders. "Loosen up."

She shrugged him off. "I'm fine."

He threw his hands up but he had to quell his frustration because he knew her enough to know it would only make things worse. She was frustrated enough for the both of them; they didn't need to butt heads. It wasn't always like this but right now he was the level-headed one. The one who could think beyond anger and vengeance.

She missed. She missed again. The discouragement was taking its toll and she only got worse. He could see the tears pool in her eyes. She hastily wiped them away with the back of her hand. Her chest heaved and her breath became ragged. The failure ate at her and made her doubt herself and her abilities. And it pained him to not only see her hurt but that she wouldn't allow him to help her when he could.

"Stop. Stop." Rick hadn't intended to raise his voice as he did.

"I don't need your help." The rifle remained at her face. The tone in her voice was anger.

"How about me? Do you need me?"

He knew she didn't understand why he made the choices he made. She understood what he said as he tried to explain himself and his inaction but she didn't relate. Because at her lowest, at her most afraid, at her most hurt she was a fighter with tunnel vision. She was a scared animal in a corner ready to fight her way out. She was becoming what she had once been. He saw her regress back to that lone person who felt she had to go it solo. Who didn't trust. Who kept her cards close to her vest and always had one more move no one knew. The deceit between them was more and more.

She held the rifle down and stared eyes front at her targets. He wouldn't make her ask. He wouldn't make her say a word. She needed help and they both knew it.

He positioned her arms. "You only want the pad of your finger on the trigger. Too much finger and you end up jerking. Your shot goes high."

She placed the rifle back up in position.

"Take a breath, hold, and then squeeze the trigger. Notice I said squeeze and not pull. It should almost be a surprise when the rifle fires."

A few more pointers and almost instantly her results changed. The more targets she hit the more her confidence soared. It didn't take her as long to zero in on her target between shots. They stood in front of her practice targets admiring her marksmanship.

She touched the holes her shots made on the shredded paper, most of them were barely holding together. Some were torn in shreds on the floor. "I don't understand how I struggled all this time and in minutes you..."

"You have to know what you're doing wrong in order to fix it."

"Why are you helping me now?"

"What do you mean?"

"I thought you didn't want me to learn."

He shifted from one leg to the other. He could feel her staring at him. It was probably the first time since they left Alexandria that she actually looked at him. "I was never against you learning to shoot."

"What's the point in learning?"

"If we're not going to fight? Is that it?" He asked.

"This is a part of you that I don't know. The one who won't fight."

"Do you think I'm weak? Do you think I'm proud of the way things are?"

"No. I just think we should do something."

"Okay, what?"

"What?"

"Yeah, what? What's your plan?" He hopped down off the stage and sat down on one of the tables. "You, Carl, Spencer," he said as he waved his arm out. "You're ready to fight and ready to kill. I understand that."

She remained silent still standing on the stage as she looked down at him. Fitting. He felt she had been doing that for a while.

"I carry the weight of our family's deaths on my shoulders. What happened to Abraham and Glenn hurts me in a way I can't even describe. As much as you know me even you don't know what I carry, how I hurt. The pain I feel that hits me before I even open my eyes each morning. That I carry all day. And you want me to come up with another plan. Don't you understand? It scares the hell out of me to think of a plan and have someone else die because of it."

"So you did give up. You're given in to them."

He shook his head. "I haven't seen even a hint of a plan. Not from any of you."

She stared at him with a slight frown and a slight look of realization.

"My sheriff, Sheriff Jackson, he was a good man, he used to tell us don't go to him with a problem unless we had a solution." He looked up at her. "What's your solution, Michonne?"

"We work with the Hilltop."

"Convince Gregory?"

"He's weak. We don't need him."

"His people are alive and well-fed. You think they'll go out on their own against the man that made that possible?"

"Maybe." She looked at him with a look in her eyes. He wasn't sure if it was hope or sheer desperation. "Maybe Jesus can convince them."

"Jesus isn't a leader. He's a soldier. A nurturer. But let's say The Hilltop decided to fight. How long will it take to train them? Jesus said they weren't fighters."

He could see the frustration and anger on her face. "I don't know."

"I'm not saying I won't fight when the opportunity is there. I will. Doing what they say is the only play we have right now. There'as no use in pretending otherwise."

"I love you. That's why I'm gonna try but..."

"But rage before love."

Her eyes widened.

"You're still not with me." He shook his head as he looked down at the floor and then back up at her. "You're not. Not emotionally. Not mentally. I know that."

Barely even physically but he didn't mention that. She slept on the floor in their make shift bed more for Carl than for him as far as he was concerned because she might as well have been somewhere else. She went to bed fully clothed and the gap between them in bed was nothing compared to the gulf in their relationship. Their home was uncomfortable. Tense. Void of the laughter they enjoyed. They barely spoke to each other about small things, forget the heavy shit. They never talked about Glenn and Abraham's death. They didn't talk about that night at all. She never even asked him what happened when Negan took him on that ride.

"Am I wrong?"

"I'm with you. I'm always with you. How can you doubt that?"

Was he wrong to doubt her? He wasn't doubting her love. He knew that was still there but this was different than opposing questioned if he would go against him. That hurt him to even think that.

"We fight. That's what we do. We fight. Until now." She tried to control her anger but it was a lost cause.

He was happy she could be angry. The same for Carl, Spencer, Rosita, and everyone else that needed to work through their emotions in that way. That was something he couldn't afford to do because he knew there were enough people who still followed his lead. If too many of them were defiant, and Rick led that feeling, it would be worse for them.

"Everyone wants to fight, Rick. Spencer thinks-"

"Spencer thinks we should have made a deal. He doesn't want to fight."

"He thinks he has his mother's leadership genes." Michonne hopped down from the stage.

"Spencer is cut from the same cloth as his brother. He's a coward. Cowards get people killed just as much as a savage."

"A savage? Is that what you think of yourself? You said sometimes it's your fault when people die. I understand that feeling. I just wish you wouldn't blame yourself to the point of hating yourself."

When he didn't respond she gathered the brass cases and tossed them in the can in order to give to Eugene. He contemplated helping her but believed that backing off was probably best.

Slowly he walked by a classroom. He stopped and stared inside through the narrow window just above the doorknob.

"Hold on. I want to get something." He waited to see if she would acknowledge him.

She turned and walked back toward him slowly but she remained outside of the classroom.

He opened the door to one of the classrooms, quickly grabbed what he wanted, and walked out of classroom and joined her in the hallway. She looked down at the book in his hand. As he walked past her she tugged on his shirt and pulled him against her. For the first time in a long time she didn't look through him or in his direction; she looked directly into his eyes. In her eyes he saw that she wanted to say something. She placed her hands on either side of his head and pulled him down until their lips crashed against each other. It was aggressive and she didn't hold back.

He was still in a state of shock as her tongue slid between his lips and the kiss became so sultry he didn't want it to end. In one of his hands was the book he found for Judith, in the other his machete. He wrapped his arms around her and held her against him by pressing them against her lower back. When he stood up straight he took her with him, knowing she was barely touching the floor by the tips of her toes.

They hadn't touched in days. Not since that morning they woke up and shared an apple in bed. That day that felt like the last day of a past existence. An existence filled with happiness and a hopeful future. It was almost impossible for two people who shared a bed to go that long without touching but they did. No shifting positions and finding each other with an instinctual urge to touch in the middle of the night. No brushes against each other as they passed by each other in their bedroom.

Now they were locked in a kiss filled with an urgency they never had before. They had rushed kisses. Passionate ones. But they never felt so desperate as if they were attempting to say something. This was sorry. This kiss said she'll try. Give her time. He was so caught off guard by her intimacy all he could do was receive it. She pulled back just slightly, their foreheads still touching as he kept his eyes closed. He wanted to feel her lips against his again when he felt the tips of her fingers slide through his beard. He opened his eyes to see her staring up at him. They were both breathless.

He felt that to his core. "Thank you."

She smiled. It was just the hint of one but with all her anger she still managed to smile. "For what?"

He nodded and stepped back. "I get it."

They drove back in silence until they were a couple of minutes from Alexandria.

"I thought you would go out with Aaron again."

"Not this time."

Rick, Aaron, and, shockingly, Father Gabriel had become a tight trio. The three of them spent a lot of time together. It was a case of like minds which was crazy since Rick had disagreed with them both, even going so far as to knock out Aaron. Despite that unfortunate first meeting in the barn it was possible to see an alliance with Aaron. He was a fighter. He was brave. On the other hand, he never thought he'd have any type of relationship with Gabriel but the faith he had in Rick, possibly more than he'd ever had in him, helped Rick cope.

Outside the gate, as they waited for it to be opened, she placed her hand on his. "We may not be in a perfect place and I may not even agree with you." She shrug. "I'm not even sure if we disagree all that much because you don't talk about anything other than this is our life and this is what we have to do. But no matter what...I'm with you. I love you. I need you and I'm here for you."

"Thank you." It seemed to be the only response he had for the support she gave him that day, the understanding she tried to have.

When they arrived home Carl was sitting on the porch with Judith in his lap.

"Why aren't you angry?" Carl asked him.

He could tell Carl had been sitting, stewing in his anger while they were out. Not even a hello or glad you're back before talking about their situation.

"I'm angry, Carl. I'm just angry at the right people. You can't use the ones you love as the surrogate for the people you hate." He grabbed Judith. "Come on, sweetheart."

He could see Michonne stare at him before he walked in the house.

It hurt that this pain, this anger, this lack of trust was not near its end. Their immediate future didn't look bright but he had faith that eventually they would be okay. He and Michonne were meant to walk in step in the same direction focused on getting to the same destination. He was confident because they worked through their problems, faced them head on. They never ran from them. They gave each other honesty no matter how uncomfortable it made them. He appreciated that. And he appreciated that she never made him pay for not agreeing with her.

He was standing in Judith's room, holding her in his arms looking out the window when he heard footsteps behind him. Audible but too silent to be Carl who stomped around everywhere he went. He waited for her to speak.

"We can't let them do this to Abraham and Glenn and get away with it."

"You don't get it."

"Don't get what?"

"What it felt like that night."

"What? Are you saying I wasn't hurt by losing Abraham and Glenn? I was there. I saw it. We all did, Rick. Not just you."

"No, that's not what I meant." He removed his hand from his hip. "I know you dealt with it. I don't know how to explain it but I just feel like our experiences were different that night. I know we all lost family. Sasha, Rosita, and Maggie lost men they loved but it was different for me. By different I don't mean more painful. He took me on that ride, scared me into thinking I had to cut off my son's arm because..."

"Because what?"

"I threatened to kill him. Right after he bashed their heads into the ground, I told him..."

"You're second-guessing yourself. Doubting yourself and that's not good. Not for any of us. You need to stop it."

"You're right." He continued to look out the window. "I never thought about coming up with a way to fight back. Not since this all happened. All I thought about was making sure no one else died. I'm not sure I ever planned on fighting."

"Even when you're wrong, you're still right," she said.

He turned around and stared at her.

She walked up to him and stared at Judith as she ran her hand over Judith's hair. "You're right, too. I've been trying to figure some things out but I still haven't come up with a plan." She looked up at him. "I don't know quite how to make this happen. But I do know I can't accept living like this. This isn't life." She placed a kiss on Judith's head. "This isn't the life she deserves."

He stared at his daughter knowing this wasn't the life he wanted for her. And even though he told Carl this was life now, it's not the life he wanted for him either. It wasn't a life his son was capable of living because he taught him just the opposite. He raised a fighter, a survivor, and it wasn't fair for him to expect him to be okay with living under a tyrant. And the woman he loved, she wasn't built to accept this. She wouldn't accept it. No matter how many times she said she'd try, and he knew she would, she would ultimately fail at servitude. He couldn't lose his family and maybe him agreeing to fight would be the only way he didn't.


	25. To Be Loved

_**Author's Note:** This was a request from an Anon on Tumblr. Hope you like it. I hoped to post this a lot sooner. Since I was sick for the last two months I'm behind. I'm hoping to finish off my one shots and writing 7 Days this month._

* * *

When he ended their kiss by pulling away she didn't try to hide her disappointment. It didn't seem as if he wanted it to end either. His head remained cocked to the side, just inches away from her mouth that his eyes were focused on. She cupped his face in her hands and pulled him in for another kiss.

She kicked her shoes off and shimmied her pants down to her knees, making sure not to break their kiss. This was the first time in a long they were on the same page and she didn't want it to end. She was always with him and not close to leaving his side but the strain they had been under was undeniable. It was crushing and left a constant dull ache in her chest. The only thing that could feel worse than not being in step with him was him not walking this earth with her.

He broke the kiss and pulled his head back just slightly, enough to look in her eyes and also to look down and see her pants were half way down her legs. He gave her the slightest frown. "Here? You sure?"

"Now," she whispered. "Absolutely."

He lowered his head down and kissed her again. This time it was forceful and he didn't wait for her to part her lips. Instead, he parted them for her with his tongue. His hands were on her waist holding her with a tight grip as if she would dare want to walk away from his touch. Her hands were around his neck pulling him tight against her desirous body. He wrapped his arms completely around her waist. She stumbled as he attempted to walk her backward, her pants still half way down her legs. He lifted her off her feet just enough to carry her against the wall, their kiss still unbroken.

He went down to one knee, taking the time to touch anywhere he could as he did. He kissed her stomach and the muscles in her stomach tensed when he ran his tongue over her skin and dipped in her belly button. She lay her head against the wall as he ran his tongue along the top of her underwear. Mistakenly she thought this was going to be a quickie up against the wall. Kind of wild and fast to satisfy their born again urges that had been dormant for far too long. But now she could see he would take as much time as he wanted. That wasn't a bad thing.

She lifted a leg so he could pull her pants leg off and then the other. Her body shivered and moaned, coming to life as he softly ran his hand down her skin as he removed her pants. He lifted one of her legs and placed it over his shoulder. She moaned as she felt his hot breath on her skin. He kissed and licked but when his teeth sank gently into the soft flesh of her inner thigh she questioned if the cell was the place for this. She thought about their bedroom but remembered they didn't have a bed. And somehow, when they tried to sneak in sex during the day, the kids seemed to have a radar and always managed to interrupt.

The anticipation of where his mouth would go next brought agony and delight. The beating of her heart kept the time of her endless wait until finally he kissed between her legs making her wish those black underwear were already off.

When she closed her eyes it felt like he had many hands and they were all over her body. She felt them slide up her torso and palm her breasts, squeezing a bit rougher than he ever had. They slid around to her back. They squeezed her ass. They cupped the back of her knees. Tickled her thighs. When they gripped her underwear she stopped breathing.

He pulled her underwear down. She only managed to get one foot clear before she was thrown by the feel of one and then two fingers inside of her. Working her. It was a bit uncomfortable but nothing she couldn't handle especially since she could feel and hear herself become wetter with each stroke of his long dexterous fingers. She grabbed the back of his head pulling him forward. It wasn't her intention, but when he buried his face between her legs and she felt that first lick, she was thankful.

There was another single lick and he stopped, looked up at her to see the effect he had on her. He licked again and stopped. He did this repeatedly, never establishing a rhythm to the pleasure he was giving her. She was becoming frantic. Desperate.

"Stop screwing around," she moaned. She gripped his hair harder and pushed his face between her legs.

Without hesitation he latched on to her and her leg buckled. He was so good she found it hard to stand on one leg while free falling into bliss. He had a firm grasp on her hips, holding her up but never taking his focus off his mission to make her scream. He removed on of his hands from her hip and she felt those two fingers back inside of her as he continued to lick her. His other hand slowly slid up her body. So slow, she had time to wonder what he was about to do. Where would his hands land? On her breasts? Around her neck? Would he slid it around and place it on her back?

She felt his hand firmly against her chest, pinning her against the wall just as she was about to lose her balance.

"Please," she begged repeatedly.

"Please what?" He was barely able to ask before she forced his head back between her legs as she began to grind herself against his face.

She wasn't sure what she was begging for. It could have been to not stop because it felt so good. Maybe to stop because it felt so good her heart felt like it was about to beat out of her chest. Maybe to go slower because she never wanted the feeling to end. Possibly to go faster because she could feel her pending orgasm. She didn't know what she wanted but she knew he could always make her beg.

That feeling, deep in her belly, began to spread throughout her body as she went stiff, taking a tighter hold on his hair so he wouldn't move. She heard a low, steady growl and realized it was her. She bit down on her lip, attempting to stifle the sounds emanating from her mouth. Once her body went limp she could feel his face move back just slightly from between her legs.

"Was that okay?"

Even with her eyes closed she could hear the arrogance in his voice. He knew he was great at that. So great she had to smother herself with a pillow to make sure Carl didn't hear her screaming. The things she said in that pillow even made her unable to even look at herself.

"I wasn't expecting that when I walked down here. I think I've lost feeling in this leg." She pointed to the one still draped over his shoulder.

He became the slightest bit bashful. "Sorry, meant to be just a taste but once I started I couldn't stop." He released her leg and placed her foot gently down on the floor.

It still amazed her how, in a moment, he could be so demanding and erotic but in an instant revert back to behaving like a shy, inexperienced teenage boy.

"Believe me, I'm not complaining." She ran her hand over her face still finding it hard to stand on her own two feet without the help of the wall.

He stood back up and unbuckled his holster allowing it to drop to the floor and then he undid his jeans. The entire time his eyes were on her and she hadn't felt this kind of intensity since their first night together. She hadn't realized she was holding her breath until he told her to breathe.

Without another word he lifted her off the ground and she wrapped her legs around his waist. When he entered her she mewled from a feel that had almost become foreign. From their first night together until Negan, they had some form of sex almost every night. Since Negan, not even a kiss until he went on his run with Aaron. That kiss was more than a goodbye and good luck, it was an acknowledgement that she was still with him. She saw his hesitation around her, almost as if he expected rejection so he didn't bother to say much or approach her.

They started off slow enjoying the feel of each inch slowly pleasuring her.

"Amazing," she moaned.

His eyes glazed over. He was visibly enjoying the sensations of entering her.

"More," she whispered as she stared into his eyes.

It wasn't a challenge but he seemed to take it as such. He pressed her hard against the wall. Her shirt was a cheap barrier unable to prevent the burn of her back rubbing up and down against the cement wall as he entered her repeatedly and steady. It was as if her body was an instrument and her moans, cries, and groans were the notes that he expertly created with every part of his body. With one hand, she held a grip on his hair. With the other hand she held onto the iron cell door.

She dug her heels into his butt wanting him deeper, wanting as much of him as possible. It was raw and intense. "Harder."

He obliged and the increased satisfaction was instantaneous. As much as she enjoyed the moment, hearing his sounds of pleasure turned her on even more. The sounds of their lovemaking mixing in the air was the most erotic thing she ever experienced. They always seemed to be in perfect harmony whether she moaned and he spoke or vice versa.

She pulled his hair. "Yes. Like that. God, yes. Just like that."

Each time he slammed her against the wall it made her scream louder. She shook her head repeatedly while telling him no, yes, and please. She snapped her eyes and her mouth shut and as she rode her final orgasm her moan echoed in her chest. He wasn't finished and she encouraged, kissing on his ear as he liked and whispering nasty thoughts she knew would take him over the edge. His body stiffened and he let out a prolonged and loud groan with his mouth against her neck. She remained still and silent allowing him to ride the wave.

She missed this. Missed the feeling. Missed him. He pulled back slightly. Sweat on his brow and his chest heaving.

"Do you have any ideas about a plan against the saviors?" She pushed his damp hair away from his forehead.

"Really?" He shook his head as he stared at her.

"What? We finished first." She knew he was always put off by her ability to switch into 'work' mode no matter how intimate the situation they were in.

"Yeah but I haven't even pulled out yet." He rolled his eyes.

Her face fell. "Sorry. I'm a little anxious." She had been waiting for him to find his fight and now that he had she didn't want to waste a minute.

"I understand," he said with a small smile that signaled he wasn't as annoyed as he made her believe. "First thing we need to do is see Maggie. I need to let her know we're going to fight. You okay to stand?"

"Yeah. I think so." She groaned as he slid out of her.

He stepped back. "You okay?"

"Yeah." She reluctantly placed her feet down on the floor. She watched him as he buttoned his jeans then realized she was standing in a prison cell naked from the waist down. The last thing she wanted was to be caught like that. She stepped into her underwear and slid them up her legs, noticing that she had an audience. "What?"

He smiled. "Never seen those before."

"Recent acquisition. Apparently there was a lingerie shop in the shopping mall with the apothecary Denise took Daryl and Rosita to. Rosita went back and grabbed a bunch of stuff."

"Rosita." He chuckled. "Of course. Who else? You girls have a lingerie party?"

She slid on her pants and then sat on the floor with her back against the wall. "Something like that." She stretched her legs out trying to ward off the stiffness that was sure to come. It seemed, with Rick, no matter the position she always found herself a bit sore, whether it was her legs, her back, or other parts.

"I'm glad you're not angry with me anymore. I mean," he said as he joined her on the floor. "I'm assuming since this."

"Even when we don't see eye to eye I still love you." She scratched his scalp at the back of his head with her fingers. "I'd never withhold my love and affection from you because we disagree on strategy. Never. One has nothing to do with the other. That's cruel."

"Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me for that." She shook her head. "You act like you don't know me. But I guess in this way, we're still learning things about each other. I guess when I'm in a relationship-"

"I don't know want to know. Who you were before, who I was before doesn't matter. Besides, life is so different now I don't know if we could be those people even if we wanted to be." He put his arm around her and she lay her head on his shoulder.

That made sense to her and she enjoyed the idea of it. Besides, she already knew everything that mattered. Everything that would affect them. She could handle it all.

"And I wasn't angry with you," she said. "I was angry with the situation we're in. Never at you. I know how hard that was for you. How hard it was to agree to those terms. It would have been easier for you to fight than to submit but you made the hard choice because you thought it was best." She took his hand in hers and played with his fingers.

Rick stood up and offered her his hand. "We should grab a group and head to the Hilltop. If we leave now, we can make it before dark."

She allowed him to pull her to her feet. "You do that while I take a shower." She made a face at him.

He smiled. "Right." But he didn't let her hand go. Instead, he pulled her against him and kissed her quick but tender. "I'm back."


	26. The Love We Share

_**This is a long overdue prompt from Tumblr. I'm sorry it took so long.**_

* * *

The light of the new day woke Michonne from a peaceful sleep. It felt good to sleep on a mattress again. It didn't take long to get used to the comfort of furniture at Alexandria and now that they were without it her body felt like it was the end all over again. She squinted her eyes as they adjusted to the sun that pierced through the blinds of their temporary bedroom in The Barrington House at The Hilltop. Sounded like a luxury condominium, she smiled. It was hard to extricate herself from Rick. She felt like she was in a cocoon he was wrapped so tight around her. Even his leg was resting on top of her.

She rolled over and looked at Rick, still in a deep sleep. She admired his long eyelashes. Most times she was able to let him sleep in peace but this morning she couldn't help herself and gently ran the tip of her finger across his bottom lip, smiling as he twitched from her touch. She ran her fingertip over the coarse stubble of his beard, happy that he trimmed it. He tossed and turned and eventually landed on his back. He looked so at peace. Not a worry or wrinkle on his face. It had been a while since he looked so relaxed. Not since Carl was fully recovered from his gun shot.

In his current position she had total access to his neck which was an irresistible temptation. She kissed his neck first with soft short pecks that grew to languid licks along his flesh then lingering sucking that made its way up to just below his ear. She could feel his body stir.

"I don't recall asking for a wake up call," he said. His voice was scratchy. Sexy.

She buried her face in his neck and smiled. "Sorry." She giggled.

"Nothing to be sorry about. I don't mind it at all. In fact, it's nice." He ran his hand up and down her bare back.

Sleeping in warehouses, stores, storage facilities, a prison, and cars made sleeping comfortably a thing of the past until they arrived in Alexandria, where she quickly became comfortable with sleeping in the nude once she and Rick shared a bed. It was easier than having to get naked or pull down her pants or slide her underwear to the side whenever the mood hit them in the middle of the night.

When their relationship first started they couldn't enough of each other so much so that they often had sex while one or both of them could barely open their eyes. It was like their bodies were constantly drawn to each other. He joked their relationship happened in reverse, like some crazy Benjamin Buttons style; they started out as a married couple and regressed to horny new lovers unable to keep their hands off each other.

Of all the things, she didn't realize just how much she missed sex until she started having it again. The running water, showers, beds, couches, and cooked food were nice but feeling Rick's naked body against hers as they became one was heaven. Him staring in her eyes as he entered her, watching him come undone as she took him in her mouth, it made the new world a pleasure.

"There's something about this place," she said as she lifted her head and looked down at him.

He pushed her hair back out of her face. There was always something about the way he looked at her that. It was so intense and focused. At first it made her uncomfortable, like he was trying to see through her, but now it turned her on. Sometimes she had to stop herself when they were around other people. If she stared at him long enough she wanted him.

"What?" He asked.

"What?" She mimicked with a smile.

"You're smiling."

"This place," she said as she looked toward the window. "Something about it. It's different than Alexandria, maybe even a little less comfortable, but I can't help but smile when I'm here. I guess quaint is the word."

There was a peace about The Hilltop, a simplicity that couldn't be duplicated at Alexandria or even The Kingdom. The people all seemed to be peaceful. Maybe it was the presence of an actual blacksmith and cows roaming around.

"Nah, it's more than just this place. You been smiling a lot lately." He ran his finger down the center of her back, the sensation both tickled and aroused.

"I have a lot to smile about. The first time in a long time."

He slid his hand around to the back of her head and pulled her into a kiss. It never got old, feeling his lips against hers, his tongue gently dueling hers, his moans of pleasure disappearing into her mouth.

She pulled back. "Like that. That always makes me smile."

"Just that?" He rolled over, all his weight on top of her.

But she didn't mind. She loved the weight of his body on her. She could take it.

"Not just that. But yes, that." She ran her hand through his hair and stopped smiling, getting serious for a moment. "You, Carl, Judith. I mean, I love everyone in Alexandria, but having the three of you...it's different, it's more. Being part of a family again. It makes me feel like a whole person. I haven't felt that way in a long time."

"You're not some honorary member, you know. You're every bit a part of this family. It doesn't work without you."

"That's sweet."

"That's the truth."

She knew it was the truth because Rick didn't just say it, he and Carl showed it. She was included in every decision that involved Judith. Carl asked her for advice just as much as he did his dad.

"Carl and I were helping some of the little kids with their chores in the garden. There's one thing missing here right now."

"It's just a night. We'll be back tomorrow. She's fine. Gabriel wouldn't let anything happen to her."

"She would love to see the cows and chickens. When things settle down I want to bring her so she can see them."

"That would be nice." Rick's hand landed on her butt after giving it a couple of light taps.

"I can't wait for this to be over. I know it won't be quick and it definitely won't be easy but I would love to just spend some time at home with her. Focused on her. She's going to need us. Contrary to what most people think, kids need their parents more not less as they get older."

Judith knew the difference between her family and a babysitter, no matter how close all the Alexandrians were or how much they adored the community's youngest citizen. When Judith saw Michonne, smiled and reached for her, it never failed to brighten Michonne's day whether it was a bad one or already a good one. It was the little things she experienced with Judith that made it so special. Like how Judith closed her eyes and signed in satisfaction when Michonne ran her fingers through her hair just like Rick did. When she snuggled with Michonne and lay her head on Michonne's chest, Michonne told Rick it reminded her of when she was a mom. His response, she _is_ a mom.

She noticed the look in his eyes as he shifted his body. "No," she moaned. She couldn't convince herself she meant that. He made her weak and he knew it. Too often he used it to his advantage. Seldom could she muster the will power to say no.

"No?" He rubbed himself against her.

She spread her legs, allowing him to sink comfortably between them. "No."

"That feels like a yes." He smirked.

Her eyes closed as she felt his mouth on her neck. Her body went limp as every muscle in her body relaxed. This wasn't one of those rare times she exercised will power. This was Rick being Rick and Michonne being Michonne while he slid slowly, and effortlessly, inside her.

xXxXxX

Michonne and Rick drifted off to sleep after their slow morning sex session. As usual, she awoke first. She quietly got dressed leaving him to get some much needed sleep. He didn't sleep as much as he should. She figured it was part of who he was now. She caught him a few times wearing a path on the downstairs wooden floors keeping watch while she and the kids slept peacefully...safely.

She crept out of the room, gently closing the door behind her when she heard Hershel's whimper. Their guest bedroom was across the hall from Maggie's room. She knocked gently once then twice before slowly opening the door. Hershel was on his back in his crib appearing as if he had been awake for quite some time. Maggie, on the other hand, was sound asleep. She grabbed Hershel, a diaper, and the container of baby wipes before heading out the bedroom.

"How about we give your mom a few more minutes of sleep, huh?" Michonne bounced Hershel and walked down the hall.

After changing him and disposing of his old diaper, Michonne stood on the balcony with little Hershel. She had come a long way since her days back at the prison when she could barely handle the sight of Judith. She spent so much time alone out there after she lost Mike and Andre but she never dealt with that pain, she kept it bottled up. The prison provided some stability and humanity, more than she imagined since befriending Andrea. In fact, it was so overwhelming she couldn't help but open her heart to her new family and that included Judith.

A gust of wind sent a shiver through both of them. "Okay, let's go back inside."

She settled on the couch in the parlor off to the right of the balcony, down the hall from the bedroom she shared with Rick. She had just finished entertaining Hershel with Goldilocks and The Three Bears when she noticed Rick in the doorway.

"Not nearly as daunting a tale when you've had to take on walkers," he said as he entered the room and sat next to them on the couch.

"I'm afraid scary stories have lost their effect in this new world."

"He's a good looking kid," Rick said. "Almost makes you forget what this world is now."

Hershel squealed and they both laughed.

"You have a beautiful home," Michonne said as she stared down at Hershel. "Your mom will make sure you have everything you need. I just wish you could have met your father."

Rick put his arm behind Michonne on the back of the sofa and leaned closer. "He was a great man, your father. I know there was so much he wanted to teach you. I'm not him but whenever you need me I'll be there."

Michonne looked over at Rick. "That was nice," she whispered.

"I miss him. I think about him every day."

"I know you do," she said as she gently placed her hand on his cheek.

"I froze out there. That night."

"There was nothing anyone could do. We were all in the same boat."

"I have nightmares, thinking about what I could have done or said to save him...and Abraham."

"We all made choices that got us to that point."

"But they followed my lead," he said with a shake of his head. "If I had said no fighting the Saviors then we wouldn't have done it. And maybe they'd still be with us. Maybe Hershel would still have his dad."

"And maybe if we didn't fight we'd all be dead. There is no way of knowing that and I'm not going to let you go backwards and do this to yourself all over again."

He leaned down and kissed her. It was slow and sensual, so much so that it made her a little dizzy and her head fell back slightly. Their kiss was broken by the sound of Maggie's voice as she called out Hershel's name.

"There's your mom," she said to Hershel. "Maggie," Michonne called out as she stood up and walked into the hallway.

Maggie turned and faced them, her eyes were wide and she had a frantic look on her face. "What are you doing with him? You don't just take a child from a sleeping mother." She rushed over and snatched Hershel out of Michonne's arms so harshly Hershel began to cry.

Michonne glanced at Rick. She could see the confusion on his face.

"I'm sorry Maggie. He was awake and you looked so tired. I figured you could use the sleep. I was just trying to help," Michonne said.

"You think because you live with Judith that makes you a mother?"

"Maggie," Carl said. "You don't know what you're talking about."

She didn't notice Carl standing at the other end of the hallway. She could see the anger on his face. He didn't hide his emotions well anymore.

"Carl, it's okay. She's right. I wasn't thinking. I would have reacted the same had it been me." She gave her attention back to Maggie. "I'm really sorry."

Rick stood next to Michonne. "She was only trying to help. Let's not overreact." He placed his hand on Michonne's back.

Maggie shook her head looking at them both in disbelief. "You two just go through this world. You have Carl, Judith, each other. This world takes and takes from the rest of us and your lives just get better. I lost daddy, Beth, Glenn. Before he was even born he lost his father."

Hershel continued to cry.

"You don't think I feel bad?" Rick stepped closer to her. "I feel the loss too. We all do. We're family."

"No," she said. "I lost my family because we all trusted you. Daddy trusted you and we lost our farm, then he lost his leg. We lost Beth during your plan to get her back and then I lost Glenn because of your plan to take out the Saviors."

No one said a word as Maggie walked away with a screaming Hershel then slammed her bedroom door.

"Only in his hometown and in his own house is a prophet without honor," Michonne said as she took Rick's hand.

"What does that mean?" Carl asked with a frown as he joined them.

"Basically a man's accomplishments and skills are highly regarded by everyone except those closest to him."

"You mean the way the people here and at The Kingdom think dad is great?"

Michonne. "Yes."

Rick shook his head. "That's not what's going on here."

Hearing how great he was as a leader, his bravery, and strength were hard for Rick but she never let him go long without hearing it because he needed to hear it even if he didn't want to. And he deserved to know it's how they felt.

"We all loved him." She wrapped her arms around Rick and hugged him tight. "We all feel bad about it." She watched as Carl backed away and finally left them alone.

She led Rick out onto the balcony; the wind may have been too much for Hershel but it was perfect for them.

"I was there when they fell in love." Rick hung his head down. "We talked about his feelings for her when he didn't even know what he was feeling was actually love. I feel like I watched him grow up so much right before my eyes. From courageous but uncertain kid to a strong, confident man." He walked to the side of the balcony and watched the workers as they burned the body of an elderly woman who died the night before. "He saved my life. He didn't even know me and he risked his life to save mine. That's how we met. I owed it to him to do the same and I failed him, failed his wife, failed his son."

"I don't make it habit of speaking for the dead," Michonne said. "But I don't think Glenn would blame you."

"She's right," Maggie's voice entered the conversation as she stepped out onto the balcony. "I'm sorry about before."

Michonne and Rick both stood up straight.

"You have nothing to apologize for," Michonne said. "I'm sorry."

"Neither do you," Maggie said as she walked over. She stood before Michonne then hugged her. "You were doing what family does." She pulled back and looked at Rick and Michonne. "We're family." She gave a slight nod. "And the things I said about it being your fault," she said as she shook her head. "It's not. I know that."

"Is Hershel sleeping?" Michonne asked.

"Yes. That makes one of us. It's no excuse but I haven't been getting much sleep." She rubbed her eyes.

"Raising a baby alone and running this place can't be easy." Rick gave Maggie's shoulder a squeeze.

"I have some help. Birdie helps a lot. And Enid. I just miss him so much. Not having him here. Every time Hershel does something I want to turn to Glenn and say something and I can't." She held her head down. "I smile and then I lose it because I remember he's not here. He can't see the things I get to see and he never will." She turned to Rick. "Glenn looked up to you and I want Hershel to do the same."

"Maggie, I don't think that's..."

"Don't doubt my husband's intuition. He was a smart man." She nodded.

Rick did the same. Michonne smiled.

"Whatever you need," Rick said. "We're here for you. Always."


	27. We Found Love

_A/N: I swear, about 10 years ago someone asked me for my take on Richonne's first night together had Jesus not interrupted them. Here it is._

* * *

She stared up at the ceiling in a state of shock. Her breathing had just calmed down and there was still a thin sheen of sweat covering her body. She just had sex. That was shocking enough because it had been a while, but who she had it with is what shook her to her core — she had sex with Rick. It's not like she hadn't thought about sex or wanted it since losing Mike. It was easy to forget about sex while on the road with a weary and battered body and not to mention a violently empty stomach. Sizing up the different men and wondering 'what if' was natural once they made a life at the prison and once again here in Alexandria. While she thought a few men were doable when it came to sex, only one was a possibility when it came to needing more. Because she was someone who always needed more than the physical. And here he was lying next to her.

He was on his back, face toward her with his eyes closed. It gave her an opportunity to stare at him by the light of the oil lamp and the vanilla scented candle by the bed that did little to overpower the pungent odor of their sex. She couldn't help but take in his body as the sheet lay just above his hips. His body was lean. That wasn't a revelation, but this was a new view. This time her eyes could linger to fully appreciate his body. She noticed him when they were out on the road when he would change his shirt. Sneaking glances at him as much as she could without being obvious. Then there was the time she changed his bandages when they were in that house after the prison fell.

Today changed everything. One moment they were telling each other about their day like they always did; that was something she came to enjoy. But this evening it was a bit different. Neither was as talkative. Her silence due to a particularly emotional day with helping Spencer bury his mother and the less draining, but equally overwhelming, moment with Carl when he told her, in his shy teenage way, that he loved her. By the time she sat on the couch with Rick her emotions were raw and her heart open to receive love and affection. It was like lightning struck when they held hands and stared into each other's eyes.

She began to replay the more intimate events of the night. Like the way he easily positioned her body for his access and pleasure, both on the couch and in the bedroom. How good his body felt next to her body. His chest against hers. Her hands on his back. His hands squeezing her ass. His lips attached to her breasts and his beard tickling her inner thighs as she ran her fingers through his hair. She had the sounds of his erotic moans on repeat. The sex was erotic, wild, intense, fun, and sweet. In bed they ran the gamut with an ease she didn't think possible with a new lover, even if they were already friends who saved each other's lives.

"Are you okay?"

The sound of his voice brought her back to the moment. When she scanned his body back up to his face he was staring at her with a raised eyebrow. She held the sheet tighter against her body, suddenly becoming shy and covering what he had not too long ago eagerly discovered with his hands and mouth. "I don't know how to answer that at the moment. I don't even know what to say. How to feel."

This was Rick, her friend, and while she thought friendship was the best precursor to a relationship there was a nervousness that rattled her bones.

"Well, I think we know how we feel." He placed his arm behind his head and somehow managed to get sexier. "Not sure what needs to be said."

In the span of seconds she recognized the damage that silence could cause. She shook her head firmly. "No. That's a recipe for disaster."

Because the truth was, she didn't know how he felt. She knew what she thought he felt, maybe even what he _should_ feel. But she definitely didn't know what he felt. That had been proven to her in a most painful way. This, whatever is was or could be, couldn't be based on assumptions.

He rolled on his side and smiled, propping his head up against his hand. "What? You want to share your feelings?" He placed his other hand on her thigh, managing to tell a joke while running his thumb back and forth stirring feelings she thought had been satiated earlier that evening.

"Is that going to be a problem for you?" She was almost regretting what they did even though she wanted it to happen. Sometimes you desired things and once you got them you didn't know what to do with them, how to cope with getting what you wanted. Would that be the case this time? She placed her hand over his, stilling his thumb.

"It's been known to be," he said. "But I guess it depends on how much a person understands without needing to hear it."

She frowned. "How can you know what a person doesn't tell you?"

"By knowing them. Believing in them. Trusting them." He shrugged. "You just...know."

"Rick," she said as she stared in his eyes. With a gentle shake of her head she added, "you have to communicate."

He broke their eye contact. "Communicate?"

"I think that's pretty important. Things left unsaid have a way of becoming pretty loud."

"Says the person who barely spoke two words when she arrived at the prison." He smiled, proud of his example.

"You're comparing being outnumbered by strangers ready to kill me to this moment?"

His smiled faded and he appeared determined to be serious as he sat up with his back against the headboard. "You've trusted me in life or death situations without me uttering a single word," he said.

"The situations aren't remotely the same. It takes a lot of words and work to get to the place you think we are." She shook her head and climbed out of bed. "We might be in different places and if we are, the distance would only grow."

She turned to face him. "I want to get to that place. I do. I know you want some idyllic 'nothing needs to be said it was meant to be' thing but I'm a lot more pragmatic than that."

She went into the bathroom and shut the door, then stared at herself in the mirror. She wasn't certain she wanted to have this conversation so soon after sex. Her thoughts were muddled. It wasn't possible to see things clearly in this moment, was it? But she started the unfiltered truth and they might as well finish it before falling asleep or into each other's arms again. When she came out he was in a pair of boxers sitting on the edge of the bed.

He looked in her direction. "You know, I'm glad it's you," he said.

"Are you?" She began walking toward him.

"Yeah, I mean who else?" He smiled.

She stopped walking. "What's that supposed to mean? Because Maggie and Rosita are taken, Sasha is damaged and-"

"No, I didn't mean it like that." He reached out his hand for her and though she made no effort to go to him it remained outstretched and he spoke again. "I meant we're...we have a connection that's undeniable, me and you. When I walk in this house it's home. It feels so right. So natural. It wouldn't be that way with anyone else."

A small smile appeared on her face. "I must admit I enjoy being the ringleader of this small but wild circus of guns, teenage mood swings, and sippy cups."

He laughed softly. "That's your thing?"

"It is." She sat next to him on the bed. Both of them looking out the bedroom window into nothing but darkness.

After Carl came home from the infirmary, she spent more time at home. She and Rick coordinated their schedules so someone was always home for Carl while he recovered. That meant even more time with Judith as well. They slipped into a comfortable domestic life without thinking about it. They were a defacto family of four in almost every way.

"I feel like it would be disrespectful to say let's see where this goes. I want this, that is, if you want this," he said.

She could see him out of the corner of her eye staring at her. She turned to look at him. He was bashful and uncertain. She wanted to challenge his belief that this was what he wanted and his belief they knew how the other felt. Because if so, why was he unsure at this moment? Why was he holding his breath?

"I mean, whether you want it or not I want this, but it's up to you. And we'll talk, as much as you want. About anything."

She shook her head with a sigh. "I don't mean talking about the weather and supply runs."

"I know that." He nodded. "But we already do talk. Real talk. Honest talk. Can't you see that?"

"The honesty required of friends is not as deep as what's-"

"Michonne, this isn't just friendship. Hasn't been for a long time. We're family. We've stared death in the face and came out on top. I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone in my life just like my partner back home."

She watched as he abruptly became quiet and held his head down. She could see his mind running. Being reminded of something. Processing that the one he trusted most, betrayed him the worst.

"I'm not trying to get you to talk 24/7. I just know there are things that need to be discussed before we jump into this because I want this too. I just wasn't sure this was a possibility," she said softly.

"Not something I saw happening either."

His off-handed remark felt like a punch to the gut. "Guess that's why what happened with Jessie happened."

"What?" He looked over at her.

Her statement sucked the air out of the room for him and it became eerily quiet as they were both probably contemplating what to say next. While the topic of his strange interest in another woman may have been better discussed before they slept together and tried to make a go of it, she was glad they were having it in the dark.

"I didn't say it was something I couldn't see happening. I said I didn't know if it was possible. You never saw me. I thought you did. I was sure of it," she said as she frowned and shook her head in confusion. "And then..."

"I screwed up. I did. But I saw you."

"I don't know. Maybe you simply saw a valuable asset. Someone who could hold her own. Protect your kid and later, a friend."

"Don't. I never saw you as something so simple. So cut and dry. So detached. Like some tool. We're better than that."

She thought they were. "I like to think so. Then what?"

"I guess..." He shrugged. "You never said anything. Time kept passing and we kept moving. Things kept happening."

Was she allowed to feel betrayed by a man who wasn't hers? Even if she wasn't, that's how she felt. No use denying it.

"I hate to admit this but I was hurt seeing you chase her."

"I didn't _chase_ her." He became defensive.

"Maybe I didn't have the right to be hurt." She stopped herself. "Actually, I take that back. I did have the right because we never needed words before, like you said, and the fact that there were no words tonight, on that couch, proves it."

"I waited. Thinking it wasn't the time. Wasn't the place. Wasn't how it should be done. On the road and unsure of what was next in a way that was too chaotic even for this world."

"But you thought about it? Me? Us?"

"Yes."

"I don't really know what to say. If this is going to be something worth mentioning in the light of day, if this is something we want, it can't happen without me being honest about my feelings. And I need to know yours and out of your mouth because I thought I knew who you were and what you wanted but I was wrong."

"You weren't wrong."

"If I wasn't wrong then why her? Why was everything you were contemplating when we were out there when it wasn't the right time or place, tossed aside and forgotten when we got here and you saw her?"

"There's been a lot of reflection the past couple of months. Not knowing if I'd lose Carl and him pulling through in a strange way gave me more hope than I've ever had. And that hope made me see I needed something real. That what we were fighting for couldn't be shallow. Had to be worth dying for. All I can say about that time is that it's hard to defend a person you no longer are." He glanced at her. "I hated that guy. Running around scaring people. I can't defend those actions back then. You probably want something deep, something that explains it, but there's nothing. I agree with you. I was an asshole."

"The last thing I want you to do is defend it. I want to know why. Why you wanted a stranger when I was right here."

"It wasn't about wanting someone other than you or choosing someone over you. It was about me."

"I don't understand."

He started pacing the room. "When we got here everyone was ready to forget." He frowned. "I can still see the look on your face back at that church when Abraham talked about setting the world right. And then when Aaron found us." He shook his head slightly. "Not me. I was still so deep in it. In the fight...it's like I needed it. Since the prison, everyone we came across were organized and brutal. That's what I saw here. We were alive because of the fight and I wasn't ready to let it go and with her I didn't have to. Teaching her what it was like out there was like still being out there."

She had told him about that fight and what it could do to him if he didn't let it go. She thought it would take him under like a riptide. She never thought it would cause him to chase a married woman or undermine his own leadership.

"So this attraction you had for her-"

"I'm not even sure it was about her. She could have been almost anyone. She wasn't out there. Teaching people to fight kept me," he stopped and signed."I don't know. I felt like I was one step ahead of everyone and everything that could hurt us." He sat back down on the bed near her. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry you saw it as anything to do with you."

He placed his hand on her thigh and gave it a squeeze. "What are you thinking?"

"This scares me. Scares the shit out of me."

"What?"

"How much I just want to fall madly deeply."

"Sounds good to me."

"This may have just happened but the way I trusted you happened a long time ago. And that trust is why I opened myself up to you and how this was possible. I don't do that to just anyone."

"Why me?"

She turned her head and looked at him. "I respect you. What you were doing and why. And it made you so beautiful to me. In this world it's so easy to go to the dark side and you were focused on keeping people alive and being a family not being a power hungry asshole." She smiled. "You had your moments," she said with a laugh. "Scared me that this world may have gotten the better of you for a bit but you came back."

He nodded. "With your help."

* * *

He could tell she thought he was still asleep when she sat on the side of the bed, but when her back was to him, bare, lean, and so alluring he wanted to reach out and touch, all he could do was watch her. He was unsure what drained them more — the sex or the conversation. She held her head down in her hands and let out a small sigh.

He caused her pain and it didn't matter that he was out of his mind at the time; that didn't make her pain any less. It didn't ease it. He wasn't thinking about anyone else back then, only his selfish need to hold onto what was outside those walls. That and keeping them safe. He had to own it and then figure out how to move forward because he tended to sit with his feeling, especially the guilt, for too long. He didn't want those negative feelings to taint what could be a wonderful future he never imagined he could have. Never thought he deserved to have.

During his time of reflection during the last couple of months, he felt like an ass for his obsession to protect Jesse but he was never called on it. As weeks and then months went by, he figured there would never be a reckoning. The Anderson family was gone so he didn't feel he had anyone to apologize to but in all that time of reflection he forgot about his family, particularly Michonne and Carl. In his mind back then, they didn't need him. They could fight and knew the dangers the new world presented.

Just as he reached out to touch Michonne's back she stood up and walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind her. He didn't join her in the shower, that was how she wanted it. Nothing like a locked door to deliver a definitive message. He felt a dejection he hadn't felt since Lori after they lost the farm. Not in this way. That direct assault on his heart that only a woman could inflict on a man she's seen at his most vulnerable.

Michonne said she wanted to get downstairs before Carl. Carl. He wasn't sure how to tell him. He had already been through so much, how would yet another change affect him? Did he want to see his father with someone else? He ran his hand through his hair. Maybe he was getting ahead of himself. He still wasn't sure there would be a relationship to tell his son. They said so much but they were both eager for more of each other and the sex seemed to get better with each go-round so things still felt so unsettled when it came to what would happen next. One thing he knew for sure, she wouldn't allow him to make a habit of disappointing her.

At first, after the way she spoke about that... _thing_ with Jessie he was sure she was willing to make last night a one time event. He never knew while he was running around Alexandria out of his mind that he almost ruined his chance before he realized it existed. He almost killed a relationship before it started. And if she wasn't so amazing, maybe even lost a friend.

As he made his way downstairs he could hear his daughter before he saw her. She was sitting in her highchair while Carl set the table for breakfast. He stood out of sight and watched them. There was Michonne, correcting Carl on the proper order of the flatware, something they never concerned themselves with in their family. That she took the time to give him something so normal when most people were simply happy with having food, that she took care to nurture and connect with him in a way beyond survival touched his heart. It always had. She gave him something no one else could, definitely him.

Judith squealed when she spotted him.

Carl looked in the direction she was pointing and smiling. "Morning, dad," he said.

He could see Michonne's back stiffen. Her arm froze in mid-air for a split second before returning to her duties at the stove.

"Good morning," he said as he joined them. "Something smells good." He stood behind Judith and kissed the top of her head.

"Michonne is making home fries," Carl said.

It still warmed his heart when his son accepted his displays of affection, smiling as Rick kissed the top of his head as well.

"Need some help with anything?" He stood near the kitchen.

"No," Michonne said.

To anyone else, that was an innocuous response. To Rick, in his exposed state of not knowing what was next after last night, it felt like rejection. He sat at the table and watched Michonne bring the food to the table. She sat on one side of Judith with Carl on the other. They took turns feeding her oatmeal and Rick was left to eat listening to Carl and Michonne's conversations about everything from scarce pantry to Carl trying to convince Michonne to take him out driving. Rick thought teaching his son to drive would be a breeze considering the roads were empty, but after two lessons Carl refused to keep going out with his father and Rick wasn't too upset about that.

He felt like an outsider in his own home. This was probably how it was when they first arrived but his mind was too preoccupied to realize it until now.

"Great breakfast, Michonne. Thanks. I think I'll go for a walk it off," Carl said as he took his plate and glass to the sink.

"Okay."

Rick could tell she wanted to say more, but there were no warnings to give. He wasn't going across town. There was no stranger danger or traffic. Just a few blocks of friends and family looking out for each other. But also, at the end of the day, it was a bit patronizing to treat Carl less than the man he had grown to be. He knew how to handle himself in this world.

As Carl walked out the door, Michonne stood. He watched her as she stacked Judith's bowl on plate stopping to kiss the top of Judith's head as the little one reached out for her as she made her. way to the kitchen.

"A walk after breakfast," Rick said with a laugh. "I guess that has nothing to do with all the time he's been spending with Enid."

"They're good for each other."

"Yeah, I just don't want them playing house. That can get confusing."

She turned and looked at him.

"What?"

"I feel like we've made this a home, a family, whether we meant to or not. And correct me if I'm wrong, but it feels good." She turned her back to him and focused on the dishes.

He walked up behind her and placed his hands on her hips then held his breath, praying she wouldn't walk out of his arms, away from his touch. "You're not wrong," he whispered as he kissed her bare shoulder. There was an ease with which they interacted with each other. Familiar. Familial. It felt more than good; it felt amazing. Better than anything he had felt in a long time.

Judith whined a bit and Michonne slid out of his arms and over to her, touching her cheek, making her smile.

"You're good with her." He joined them.

With a gentle smile on her face, she stared at Judith. "She's amazing. I love everything about her. The way she waves at everyone. The way she loves to be held. I could swear she holds me tighter when I hug her." Her smiled disappeared and she looked at him. "I saw how you looked at me when you saw me with Carl and Judith. I don't want you to be with me because you love how I love your kids."

He shook his head with a smile. "The kids weren't on my mind last night." He gave her a look that rendered them both silent.

And now he was thinking about last night. Maybe she was doing the same thing. It was hard to not drift off into memories of a connection that made him feel alive.

"That's not why, but your feelings about them do matter."

He placed his hand over hers.

"You became the valuable asset when you saved my son back in King County. You became my friend when things settled down at the prison. After the prison fell, when you found me and Carl, I know I said he needed you, but what I didn't say was that I needed you too." He looked down briefly but made the effort to look her in her eyes at this moment. "I was dying waiting to see what you would say. Do you remember what you said? That you were done taking breaks."

"Yes."

"You were and so am I. Done taking breaks from life other than fighting. Done putting living on hold. Done not focusing on what I want for me. You're what I want. Beyond this place. I want you and me. Us. Together."

"Rick Grimes is going to be selfish?"

"I think I've earned it." He smiled. "This is like something I've never felt before."

She laughed as she stared at Judith. "New car smell."

He stared at her until the silence became too loud for her to ignore and she looked at him.

"You don't believe that. It's new, yes, but it's different."

He wasn't that sure how they got to where they were last night but he was thankful they made it. There had always been a bond, first in her relationship with Carl and then part of the larger group. She always meant more to him than he knew until finally he realized. Maybe last night they finally acted on something they subconsciously felt for a long time. He was thrilled when he stared in her eyes last night and saw that she was on the cliff's edge just as he was. Nervous but excited. Eager but apprehensive.

He didn't want to overstate things, and now he was feeling a bit vulnerable after her joke, but this had the potential to be epic. Already, he knew that. Because they were such equals. No one called him out like her. Made him check himself like her. Demanded he be a better version of himself that he didn't know existed. And he was equally confident he was that for her. The person who made her want to be better. Required she change her ways. He and Lori weren't equals before the world went to shit and they surely weren't after the world fell apart.

Michonne didn't need him, at least not to survive. He hoped somewhere in her life she needed him. A man wanted to feel needed; _needed_ to feel needed. In her, he met his match and he was up for it. Thrilled by it. He thought he made it clear he was all in, that he wanted to be with her. She didn't seem to be quite as definitive in her comments before they fell asleep from pure physical exhaustion. The ball was in her court. Decidedly so.

She stood and walked over to the kitchen counter. He followed, not letting her think. He wanted her to feel, to lead with her heart.

He pulled her flush against him. "Michonne. Tell me you know."

"Know what?" She looked into his eyes.

"That this is different. It's real." He leaned in closer until his forehead touched hers.

"It is," she whispered.

He gently placed his hand on her cheek. His other hand lay on her lower back then he kissed her. Soft and slow at first, nibbling on lips he instantly fell in love with last night at first touch. He was so focused on her, even with closed eyes, he knew the moment she relaxed as her body deflated against him. He moaned at the feel of her tongue sliding between his lips. Her hands lay on his chest. His hand slid down and he squeezed her butt. Moaning at the sound of her moan, he wanted more but the sound of the door opening broke their quiet bonding.

They quickly pulled apart, but not quick enough by the shocked and amused look on Carl's face. He was at the door, frozen for a moment before continuing.

He glanced at Michonne to see her brushing away invisible crumbs off the counter top as she avoided eye contact. His heart was pounding loud enough he wondered if everyone could hear it. They were caught.

Rick cleared his throat. "Hey."

"Really?" Carl smiled with a shake of his head as he closed the door.

"What?" Rick ran his hand through his hair.

"We're not going to pretend I didn't see what I definitely saw, are we?" Carl smirked.

Rick and Michonne exchanged looks seeming to silently acknowledge they were caught and not to treat Carl like a child.

"That's not how we wanted you to find out," she said.

"It just happened," Rick said. "Last night. We weren't hiding anything from you. It just happened."

"It? Nice to know dad. I'll have to mark it on my calendar." Carl laughed at their discomfort. "I have a feeling if you had a year you still couldn't come up with the best way to tell me." He walked over and grabbed Judith. "I don't need a conversation. If you're happy, I'm happy."

"You're okay with it?" Rick asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"We just want you to know that nothing will change," Rick said.

Carl shrugged. "It's cool, dad. Enid wants to see Judith. We'll see you later. Say bye-bye, Judith."

She waved, looking over his shoulder as he carried her out the door.

Once they were alone Rick reached out and took her hand. He smiled, she returned it but with the shyness that hark back to the previous night on the couch.

"Where do we go from here?" She asked.

"Wherever," he said. "Together."

She smiled and nodded as he led her upstairs.

* * *

 _If you liked FOX's Pitch, be on the look out. I enjoyed watching each week. That Bawson ship is definitely up my alley. Sports and endless potential._


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